A guru's letter to his guru

Prayers:

nama om visnu-padaya krsna-presthaya bhu-tale

srimate bhaktivedanta-svamin iti namine

namas te sarasvate deve gaura-vani-pracarine

nirvisesa-sunyavadi-pascatya-desa-tarine

Letter and offering to Srila Prabhupada on his 125th Birthday which is given as a Vyasa Puja offering. Vyasa-puja is an?annual offering of special honor—?puja —to the spiritual teacher, who represents Krishna Himself as well as Krishna's incarnation Vyasadeva, the editor of the Vedas. Krishna recommends everyone seeking God to first seek out God's representative and respectfully accept his guidance.

My most dear Srila Prabhupada, you are my life. Your orders and your mission

are the only meaning to my life. Despite my chronic dismay and trepidation

at the condition of your movement, I also feel increasing enthusiasm in

service to your mission.

My apologies for the extended delay in completing my current most important

service to your mission-writing a book about it. I am working steadily and

by your grace it will manifest before very long, for your pleasure, so that

I can focus on expanding my service to you on several fronts. I do not want

to inordinately postpone turning those plans into reality, or at least

making a good start in doing so. Please bless me.

I can expect your blessings to the extent that I recognize myself to be

entirely dependent upon them. Your Divine Grace can take a crowlike excuse

for a Vaisnava and make him dance like a peacock. All these years I have

been living on your mercy, feeling it strongly guiding my life, and now, by

your mercy, I feel growing enthusiasm to go forward and up, both in

developing my own spiritual aspirations and by increasing my service to your

mission.

The prospects are bright and the possibilities unlimited, but the lures of

maya are as dangerous as ever. Many greater men than I succumbed to maya

even after performing phenomenal service which I can hardly imagine

emulating. Srila Prabhupada, you are my only protector. Save me from the

dangers I am constantly harassed by, and make me an instrument in your

mission of saving others. I fall at your lotus feet.

Taking inspiration from the author of Hari-bhakti-kalpa-latika, I submit

that despite being an unqualified fool, struggling under the illusion of

false ego and a false sense of ownership, I am trying to engage in your

service. Even in writing this offering, surely I have committed offenses to

you. O Srila Prabhupada, O ocean of mercy, certainly I am very wretched and

worthy to be punished. I beg pardon for my offenses.

O Srila Prabhupada, O unlimited ocean of mercy, I have commited many sinful

activities, disrespected many great souls, and whimsically neglected your

instructions. Despite making a show of being your disciple, factually I have

not even a small drop of devotion for you. O Srila Prabhupada, only by your

mercy may I be purified of these offenses.

O Srila Prabhupada, I have no taste for hearing your glories, worshiping

your lotus feet, or meditating on your eternal form and pastimes. I am

envious of your glories and of your servants. I am most shameless. Please

forgive me when I say, "O master, please be merciful."

O Srila Prabhupada, while pretending to serve your lotus feet with my body,

mind, and words, I simply engage in the unceasing service of my senses. At

heart I am only interested in my own misconceived self-interest. In this way

I cheat everyone. I am an ignorant rascal who thinks himself very learned. O

Srila Prabhupada, O ocean of mercy, please rescue me from this madness.

O Srila Prabhupada, due to my past misdeeds, I am incessantly tortured by

the distresses of material existence. I am a big loudmouthed idiot. My mind

oscillates between bewilderment, agitation, and disappointment. But you are

a great ocean of transcendental bliss, you remove the sufferings of the

distressed, and you are the protector, father, and maintainer of your

disciples. Although you are mercifully delivering me, I am unable to

properly serve you at any time or in any way.

I have nothing better to say than, "Another year gone, I am still here."

Your merciful message of sanity continues to reverberate in my heart,

subduing the egoism and foolishness therein, sustaining the conviction that

I must remain at your lotus feet or I am doomed.

ami tomara nitya-dasa tai kori eta asa

tumi bina anya gati nai

Desiring to at last become your worthy servant, the miscreant

Bhakti Vikasa Swami