Guilt is Never in the Job Description

Women Resigning Free from Guilt

There are many reasons both women and men stay at their jobs—stability, career growth, professional development, company culture, benefits, salary, and recognition. But for women, another factor often contributes more than any other … guilt.?

Women are notorious for feeling guilty. The term is used a lot, and we feel it often, but what is it really all about? Guilt is defined as “feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy.” It’s not a nice word—it’s a very real word, but any word that is defined by “deserving blame” and “sense of inadequacy,” we can definitely do without. And what stands out even more (particularly in this context) is “imagined offenses.”?After all, we’re simply talking about deciding to leave a job that no longer serves us. Where is the “offense” in that??

Yet, the guilt that is closely intertwined with fear immobilizes many women, forcing them to stay at a job they no longer want to be in or, even worse, a job in a toxic, unhealthy environment. They are plagued with questions –?

• Am I being selfish??
• Am I being disloyal??
• What about my team??
• Will I disappoint them??
• Will their workloads double??
• My employer has been so good to me, how can I let them down now?
• What if they can’t operate without me??
• What if they can’t find someone to replace me??

Before we go any further, it’s important to remember that these concerns are understandable. As a caring, empathetic human being, it is completely natural to be concerned for others. However, it is not natural for that concern to stop you from doing what you need or want because of the “imagined offense” you believe you are committing.

And the honest truth is there is some truth to your concerns. Your leaving will likely disappoint others and it very well may disrupt work for a time being, but those are still not reasons to stay. The fact is that others can be disappointed that you are leaving because you are well-liked and play an integral part of the team without projecting those feelings to you as a person. In other words, they won’t blame you. They will likely wish you all the best on your new journey because they are also caring, empathetic human beings. They will work through those feelings, continue to do their jobs well, and adjust to any changes in workload and personnel. But the real question you should be asking is, what will you do??

Busting the Guilt Myths

There are many myths founded in guilt that women rely on in delaying or abandoning their decision to leave a job.?

It’s not the “right time” to leave.?

Understand that there will never be a perfect time. And waiting for one is merely an excuse founded in fear. This is not to say you shouldn’t be respectful if there is a huge deadline approaching or a project that needs your attention, if it is possible and reasonable to wait. But still, you come first.?

The company won’t be able to operate without me.?

Trust me, they will. They may struggle a bit, but that’s okay—struggle can be beneficial. And if their entire operation rests on one person, they have bigger problems to solve. Maybe your staying is preventing them from making the changes they need to or is not allowing others to be promoted. Or maybe—and I say this with love—you are overestimating your importance. Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t be confident and know your value, but I am saying that no one is irreplaceable. CEOs of Fortune 100 companies move on all the time, and you know what—those companies continue to function just fine.

I am being disloyal.?

For those worried they will be deemed disloyal, loyalty is something that is earned. The only person you truly need to be loyal to is yourself, especially if you are in a toxic work environment that is draining you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Get out as soon as possible. Additionally, long gone are the days of staying with a company for forty years and then retiring. People are expected to change jobs throughout their careers, which does not equate to being disloyal.?

I haven’t been there long enough to leave.?

Some believe you must be employed a certain amount of time (six months, one year, two years) before you can quit. This is really another avoidance technique based in fear. Again, I cannot stress enough that especially if you are in a toxic environment, it doesn’t matter if you’re there one week—get out. If you’re worried about how it will look to potential future employers, you will explain that you left for your health. Any employer you truly want to work for will understand. And if they don’t, think seriously about working for them.

Moving On

Instead of letting the guilt and negativity control you, think about all the positives. Honestly, this could be a win-win for everyone—you’re happy leaving a job that no longer serves you, the person who gets your job is happy for their advancement or new hire, and the team overall may function better with someone who truly wants to be there. Make peace with your why, empower your team, leave on good terms, and move on. Remember, it’s not in your job description to make everyone else okay—just you.

For more information about making workplace decisions free from guilt, please contact us at [email protected].?

Until next time, keep Building Your BADASSERY.

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