Guilt-Free Guide For 1st Time Working Moms

We live in a time where we're bombarded with messages reminding us to "find balance" in life with our diets, our work, our career, our families, screen time and social media. But the reality is that we live in an unbalanced world where life looks a lot more like a swinging pendulum of highs and lows.

The notion of balance for working 1st-time moms is an unhealthy pipedream. I believe we should be more focused on getting rid of the guilt and simply giving it our best in whatever direction that pendulum takes you in.

Here are some tips I hope will help some new moms to keep swinging along with a bit less guilt.

Get Organized & Comfortable 

There’s so much to get in place before the 12-week countdown is over. One of those things includes getting the right child care situation in place ahead of time (even months before baby comes). You’re going to want to get comfortable with the arrangements the commute, the routine, and the bottle labeling (yes, it’s a thing). 

Being organized is now more important than ever! Be sure to plan ahead, meal prep (for both of you!) and get your work calendar synced up with all the doctor appointments and work travel commitments. Life just got a lot more complicated and when you can get ahead of it to plan your days, weeks and months well in advance it makes a huge difference. 

Lean In, on Your Partner

Ask for help when you need it and let your partner help as much as possible. I don't care how much money they make, what their title is or how tired they are. I would bet money that they can't be more tired and stressed than you. So don't let traditional gender roles get in the way. Don't take on more than you can handle and let them off the hook! This always results in resentment and fights that can be avoided by dividing and conquering the duties as a team. Remember they're not doing you any favors, they're parenting.

“The truth of the matter was that whether I'm the first lady and he's the president, our first job is make sure that our kids are on point. That is the most important legacy we will ever leave."—Michelle Obama

New priorities, who dis? 

Forget life as you knew it. The old you is not gone, she’s just better, more focused and her new middle name is “efficient”. Get used to it and embrace those superhuman time management skills that baby’s strict nursing schedule has taught you to live by. You’ll be amazed at how much more you can get done when you have the fear of a $5 per minute late fee instilled in you by your daycare. It’s do or die a slow death of fees and judgment that forces you to prioritize and re-prioritize your day.

“When I started law school, my daughter, Jane, was 14 months and I attribute my success in law school largely to Jane. I went to class about 8:30 am and I came home at 4:00 pm, that was children's hour. It was a total break in my day and children's hour continued until Jane went to sleep. Then I was happy to go back to the books, so I felt each part of my life gave me respite from the other."—Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Give People More Credit 

Being a new mom is the scariest and most overwhelming thing I’ve been through, add to that the stress of your #bosslady job and you can be sure life will get messy. It’s okay! People are much more understanding than you think and odds are they’ve been there, done that or know someone who has. Be open with your boss and co-workers and thank them for their support. They want you to succeed as much as you do! But, you’ll need to communicate more than before to ensure you’re clear with your schedule, workload, and bandwidth. Managing expectations is key here, you’re not going to catch-up on 12-weeks’ worth of work on your first day. Ease into it and don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

Don’t Deny the Mental Impact 

I did this. Of course, I was fine. Of course, I was happy. Of course, I was ready to jump back into work. Of course, I was lying to myself and everyone who asked. 

I felt massive guilt for having a happy, healthy baby and for the support of Money20/20 and Ascential for allowing me to have all the flexibility I needed. I had so much to be grateful for and all the tools to succeed, but I was unhappy, unmotivated and struggling to hit my stride. My thoughts were dark, my self-esteem took a hit and I felt worthless especially at work.

Recognizing that this was a very common but unspoken reality for many new mothers was key to getting through it. As hard as it was I forced myself to speak to my boss and my doctors which was a game-changer. No need to be a hero here - get help, girl! 

Get You a Work Wife 

Preferably one that also happens to be a mom. She will be your biggest ally on days when you “just can't”. For days when it feels like there’s no way people actually juggle work and parenting successfully. For days when your adult co-workers behave worse than actual babies. For days when you got 2 hours of sleep and feel defeated. For days when your baby is sick and the calls can’t be rescheduled. 

It takes a village, right? Well, part of that village is in your office. Find your work wife, mom tribe or internal support system and lean on them when it gets hard. 

Embrace & Share the Good, the Bad and Especially the Ugly 

There’s something about motherhood that gives you a good sense of humor. Make sure you bring this to work with you every day. Be ready for the mishaps, the ignorant comments from those who are not parents, the breastmilk leeks on your silk top and even getting caught on a video call with your breasts out while trying to adjust your pumps (#truestory).

Remember to share updates, pics (you're welcome!), and videos of the newest member of your family. Your co-workers will appreciate what you're going through and sympathize during those tough moments when they have a mental image of that little cutie you’re always talking about. It’s hard to hate on a cute baby and judge someone who is in the weeds with motherhood. 

Put Yourself First. 

That includes getting personal things done first. Let’s face it, we all take care of personal business at work. Don’t feel guilty about that! Go ahead and schedule/change the endless doctor appointments, order those essentials that need restocking, research that new thing the baby’s doing that's got you worried or pay those medical bills before you jump into work. Just 20-minutes of "you time" to handle the little things you've been putting off can help kick start your day feeling accomplished and you'll be able to dedicate the rest of your day to your actual work instead of thinking about these important personal things that need handling. 

“Get rid of the guilt...When you're at one place, don't feel bad that you're not at work; when you're at work, don't feel bad that you're not at home."—Katie Couric

Cut Yourself Some Slack 

Remind yourself to take everything one step, day and month at a time. No one said it would be easy and the guilt can eat you alive if you don’t give yourself the credit you deserve. What you're doing matters. You’re the embodiment of a strong female role model in your child’s life. You're showing other women around you that it's possible. That they can do it too! You're doing great and helping us build a world where women don’t have to choose between motherhood and their careers. A world where motherhood does not hold us back from achieving great things but instead empowers us to achieve even greater things. 

Feel free to comment with your tips, suggestions or life hacks that have helped you hit your stride and on the pendulum of life.