Guildhall Ignite Gratitude Guide: How to give thanks at work and play to make it the gift that gives both ways

Gratitude is the gift that gives most back to the gifter. But how do you like to give and receive gratitude?

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If you can express gratitude in a way that people recognise, they become more engaged and committed. Bonds become stronger, and customers, clients and employees see the difference, building resilience in your business.

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In the book Five Love Languages, author and marriage counsellor Gary Chapman analysed the five ways that people like to give and receive love.

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And there’s a significant crossover with gratitude, too.

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You might prefer to receive gratitude in practical terms, in gifts, words or with someone simply spending time with you.

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We all have preferences as to which we use by default.

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Through 5 simple thinking provocations, you can learn more about how you appreciate gratitude, and how to make it more effective when you give it.

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These 5-minute Thinking Sprints encourage creative thinking in a relaxed, low-pressure way. Looking at issues in a stress-free manner can help to bring new insights and reflections, and perhaps bring out unexpected solutions.

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Let’s look at the love languages one by one, and see how they match with your gratitude preferences. Only do one exercise a day, and maybe take a few days to let each thinking sprint wander around your mind.

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As always with our sprints, grab yourself a piece of paper and a cup of coffee, settle down into the most comfortable chair you can find, and relax.

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??? Day 1: Compliments

We all like to receive compliments, don’t we? And giving compliments can motivate and inspire.

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But do compliments always land with authenticity?

Take that piece of paper, and draw a line across the page, about halfway down.

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On the top half, list all the compliments you can remember giving over the last few days or weeks and in the bottom half, all the compliments you remember receiving.

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Let that run for five minutes or so, and if you feel it’s relevant, perhaps even cast your mind further back for compliments that stood out in the past for whatever reason.

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Keep that piece of paper to one side and we’ll come back to it later. You might find you’re adding to the list, or maybe this will prompt you to practise gratitude more – or to notice it when it happens!

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??? Day 2: Time

Making time for someone else can be a powerful a way to say thank you.

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Communication is improved, rapport is built and trust is established.

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So let’s look at making time.

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Again, carve out five minutes of ‘Me’ time, settle down in that chair and a welcome drink. Maybe even a biscuit or two.

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Take a second piece of paper and divide it in half as before. Above the line, list all the occasions on which you made time for someone else recently. In the bottom half, all the times that somebody else went out of their way to make time for you.

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Be curious, be kind, be thoughtful. The point of these thinking sprints is not to find solutions, but to provoke more interesting questions.

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Once more, put the paper aside after 5 minutes, but let your thoughts percolate until the next thinking sprint, which is…

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?? Day 3: Giving gifts.

Gifts can be as simple as money, or flowers, or taking round an apple pie!

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Can you think of a time when someone has said ‘thank you’ with a gift – and how you felt?

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Understanding your own preferences, and the preferences of those around you, you can gain greater satisfaction, have greater impact, and make a stronger connection.

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In today’s thinking sprint, get yourself into a relaxed space and take another piece of paper.

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(Writing things down longhand, rather than typing on a computer, provides a more creative way of thinking, and there’s clear evidence that ideas stick much better!)

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Again, divide the paper into two halves and in the top half, list the times when you’ve given someone a gift to say thank you. The bottom half is space for the gifts that people have given to you in gratitude.

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Are you starting to get a picture of what works for you and what doesn’t? Time to look at the last of the four areas we’re going to consider.

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?? Day 4: Doing something in a practical way.

Remember when someone felt they wanted to help you out by helping to dig the garden, or do the shopping, or babysit for you? Or when you knew that you could do something constructive for someone else as a way of saying thanks?

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Find some space for yourself. Grab the fourth and last piece of paper and a cup of coffee, settle down into the most comfortable chair you can find, and relax. It’s time for another thinking sprint.

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As before, draw a line halfway down the paper.

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When have you done something practical to thank someone? List them all out in the top half, and in the bottom half, make a note of times that someone has thanked you by helping you out.

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Just take five minutes, and let your mind wander.

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Quiet curiosity is the way to find out more, and to provoke more interesting questions.

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?Day 5: What’s your motivation?

You now have four pieces of paper, and it’s time to pause for reflection.

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You’ve already looked at:

?? Giving compliments

?? Giving time

?? Giving gifts

?? Doing something

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Now let’s shift towards looking at motivations.

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Why do we show gratitude? There are four fundamental reasons.

?? to celebrate someone doing something special

?? to recognise those who do the basic tasks well

?? to encourage those who need support

??? to open up lines of communication

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Grab those four pieces of paper, find some ‘me-time’, mute the phone, disconnect from social media and get yourself a nice hot drink… and relax.

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Now look at all those examples you’ve written down, and underline them in different colours according to those four basic reasons.

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?? celebrate

?? recognise

?? encourage

??? communicate

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What do you notice? Is there a theme developing? Is there a link between reason for the gratitude and the type of gratitude shown?

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Don’t judge your responses or try to develop them. This is a time to be reflective, curious, and open.

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?? Day 6 (or the weekend!): The Gap and The Gain

Think about 3 versions of yourself – what you were, what you are, and what your ideal self would be.

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In Sullivan and Dr Hardy’s book ‘The Gap and The Gain’, they talk about how unhappiness stems from measuring yourself by the gap between your current selves, and the ideal person you could be.

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But when you measure yourself by the gain that you have achieved from your previous self, you become more appreciative of your successes, and aware of the progress you’re making!

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And gratitude – given and received – can help to identify those gains.

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But when does gratitude really resonate, and when does it feel inauthentic? It’s time for our final #5MinuteThinkingSprint to get to the heart of what matters to you.

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You know the drill. Comfy chair, a hot drink, disconnect from the world as far as you can, and grab another piece of paper.

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You have four lists now… gratitude given and received in the following ways:

?? Giving compliments

?? Giving time

?? Giving gifts

?? Doing something

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And you’ve identified possible motivations behind those moments:

?? to celebrate

?? to recognise

?? to encourage

??? to communicate

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Today’s thinking sprint is simply to be reactive. Look at what you’ve underlined, read the examples you’ve chosen, allow the emotions to come to the surface and let your gut reactions kick in.

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Then write, for 5 minutes without stopping, all that you’re feeling right now. Don’t self-edit or overthink, just let the words come out.

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What are you noticing? What were the times when gratitude really worked, and when did it feel insincere?

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After 5 minutes, put the pen down and put the paper away. Come back to it in a day or so, and feel your reaction to what you wrote.

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What is that telling you?

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Are you tending to look at the gap or the gain?

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We hope these thinking sprints have helped to uncover some fresh thinking, provide more motivation for action and bring new insights into your behaviours and thoughts.

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If you enjoyed these thinking sprints, there’s another set of sprints here https://bit.ly/3TnWe5t that will help you to better understand your decision-making process, and don’t forget to connect with us on LinkedIn to get updates on new articles we post.

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Guildhall Ignite offers one-to-one coaching, as well as EMCC accredited management training, to help you identify and develop how to connect with yourself and others, to tap into your true potential. Email us at [email protected] to ignite your performance – what will you spark?

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#Gratitude #Coaching #SelfAwareness #PersonalDevelopment #ThursdayThoughts #Compliments #SpendingTime #Celebrate #Recognition #Championing #Communicating #5MinuteThinkingSprint

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