Guiding a Loved One Toward Positive Health

Your loved one has changed. Perhaps it is stress from a job or recent loss. Or in the case of a veteran, it is reintegration that is creating a challenge. For our first responders, the daily rigors of the job can take a toll. As the person who sits beside these individuals, watching them struggle is difficult. Even more challenging is trying to provide support and feel like you are not gaining ground.

You are not alone.

One of the challenges of supporting anyone going through difficult change is ensuring you are encouraging that person, not making the situation worse. How do you know when the best steps to take?

Help Without Helping

It is common for people to not want to seek help. Whether that is the unawareness of the issue, overcoming a stigma about seeking help, feeling guilty because they cannot “suck it up,” or even a traumatic experience in the past, supporting a loved one to “get help” can be difficult.

It is important to remain vigilant, but not in an assertive way. Consider this:

• Your loved one feels demoralized by asking for help.
• There may be something in their past that caused fear or distrust.
• They may be in or have come from an environment where asking for help was considered weak or could cause issues in their career.
• They have not yet accepted it is time to seek support.

The first step is to do your best to figure out the barriers. What is causing the resistance, and can it be addressed?

Next, change your language. You can support your loved one without using words like get help, seek treatment, or find a therapist.

Finally, do some research into mental and even physical health issues so you feel prepared to converse with your loved one as well as find the best sources of support.

Overcoming Resistance

Be prepared for resistance. Anyone who has struggled with significant life changes, trauma or depression knows that the idea of seeking support during the worst times of your life is overwhelming and even demoralizing. It’s the stereotypical catch 22 – the time you need the most support is the time you are least likely to seek it out.

When it comes to seeking assistance, women are more likely to move forward. For men, seeking support can go against traditional masculine norms, or have such a stigma in their lives and chosen career that they will be very reticent to reach out. Fortunately, with time and patience, these can be overcome.

When it is time to have a conversation with your loved one, consider the following:

• Language – approach the situation with compassion and no judgement.
• Location – find a safe, neutral place.
• Privacy – make sure your loved one feels secure in speaking freely.

Normalize the conversation so that if and when you must have it again, it does not feel confrontational. Be prepared to stop the conversation and remain calm and supportive. It may take several tries before you and your loved one are aligned.

Support Comes in Many Types?

The good news is that there are so many different methods and outlets for your loved one to try that you can find a path that works. Not everyone wants traditional “couch” therapy, even if that is ultimately what is best for them. Finding a way to get someone off the couch and out of their regular environment is a great first step.

You can research and find various groups who specialize in all types of mental and emotional support that will be appealing to your loved one. Examples include outdoor recreation, such as kayak fishing, hiking, or hunting. There are multiple types of activities that exist such as yoga, woodworking, or even volunteering at the local food bank.

Find groups that hold regularly scheduled events so that you and your loved one can discover a community. Often the feeling of being alone exacerbates the situation. Finding a group who can support your loved one and ensure they do not feel alone will make great strides in supporting them toward better mental and physical health.

Remember that this is more of a marathon than a sprint. Being patient is key but can be difficult when you watch a loved one struggle. Unless your loved one is in danger and the situation critical, deciding to make this a long, positive journey will yield the best results.

Give yourself grace and remember to take care of yourself as well. That old adage you cannot serve from an empty cup is true. Plus, leading by example and living the lifestyle you want for your loved one will help alleviate some barriers. And don’t be afraid to ask for assistance for yourself as you need it. Everyone deserves support.

References:

Advanced Psychiatry Associates

Science Direct

Psychcentral