Guided by The Gospel – Issue 165 (Questions of Faith: How Do I Honor My Parents When They Aren’t Honorable?)

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Honoring our parents is one of the Ten Commandments, a principle deeply woven into Scripture. Yet, for many, this commandment presents a struggle. What does it mean to honor parents who have failed us, mistreated us, or left deep wounds? How do we live out this biblical principle when the relationship is strained or even nonexistent?

When God commands us to honor our father and mother (Exodus 20:12), He does not say, Honor them if they have been good to you. There is no condition attached. However, honoring does not mean excusing abuse, overlooking neglect, or subjecting ourselves to harmful relationships. Instead, it means adopting a Christ-like posture of love, respect, and forgiveness—even when it is difficult.

The Bible makes it clear that honoring parents is not about blind obedience. There are examples of godly individuals who had to set boundaries when their family relationships became destructive. Gideon was commanded by God to tear down his father’s altar to Baal (Judges 6:25-27), and Jonathan chose loyalty to David over his father Saul’s harmful jealousy (1 Samuel 20). In both cases, honoring God came first.

If you’ve struggled with resentment or hurt from your parents, know that God sees your pain. Honoring them does not mean pretending everything is fine. It can mean choosing to let go of bitterness, speaking with kindness, or praying for them, even if reconciliation isn’t possible. It may mean setting healthy boundaries while still treating them with dignity. Forgiveness does not require trust, and honor does not demand proximity.

Christ exemplified perfect love and obedience to His Father, and He calls us to extend grace, even when it is undeserved. The prodigal son’s father welcomed him home despite his rebellion (Luke 15:20-24), and Jesus forgave those who crucified Him, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34). If Jesus could extend forgiveness in His deepest suffering, we can ask for the strength to do the same.

Practical Takeaway: What Does This Mean for Us? If you are carrying the burden of a broken relationship, take it to God. Pray for healing, whether it comes through reconciliation or personal peace. Seek godly counsel, and remember that honoring does not mean enabling, nor does it mean approving of wrongdoing. It means choosing a response that reflects God’s heart rather than our hurt.

Reflection and Challenge - What does honoring your parents look like in your situation? Are there steps you need to take toward forgiveness, setting boundaries, or showing grace? Let’s walk through this together—comment below or send me a private message if you’d like to discuss it more.

With Hope and Faith,

Edward C. Thomas

Guided by The Gospel

#guidedbythegospel #faith #christianwalk #prayer #forgiveness