Guess whose back?

back again...

Not only have I disappeared before from this platform before but I do not believe it will be the last time either. Also, being able to use a line from one of the most talented lyrical geniuses to have ever lived, as a title to this post makes me smile.

Firstly, where have I been?

As I have mentioned before, I will probably do this again without notification or reason, and that is because I am a human too with a finite amount of energy to distribute and then there are the priorities of life too.

If you do not know yet, I live an expat life. Which does look great on social media, but there are also realities of that life that can not be included in a picture searching for likes. My family and most of my closest friends are a long way away, and yes we can call, thanks to certain platforms, and seeing their faces depends on the country you are in and the level of wifi or the need for VPN due to social media restrictions. At the same time, the work I do, and hours or “schedule” is erratic and not one of stability and definitely not office hours. These platforms however do not replace physical touch, unplanned giggles, tight hugs and a game of Uno. What I am trying to say is I had annual leave…

The peculiar part of annual leave as an expat is that you are already hooked to travel, and that was a big part of why I chased the opportunity in the first place. So when you get to holiday time, not to be confused with festive season for majority of the population, you have to then make a choice of going home to see family and in my case a city that does not change that much, or, you can go see something that you have never seen before in the world, before you get to an age of responsibility or any form of restrictions that does not allow for this. That was in my 20’s though.

Now that I am in my 30’s the appeal to go home, incognito, and be with loved ones truly excited me, please do not take this the wrong way, it always has, and my family are such an important part of who I am, but it was intensified this time, it was no longer a weigh up of choices.

My work and life have been busy, I have had a lot on my plate and shoulders for quite a while now, and I reached my energy limit, I needed an energy loan, a new passive income, possibly a new energy salary, or… I just needed a break.

So I took one.

I decided to go home incognito, I did not let too many people know. I selfishly focused on the people that I could get energy from without having to give too much away. I spent a lot of time with my Grandmother. When my Grandfather walked this earth we were inseparable, and this was the first time I had spent time with my Gran whilst Gramps was not there. I did not go to clubs and parties, I went to breakfast and lunch. Does this mean I am getting old?

Point being outside of playing padel and music (a huge energy income for me) I spent the most time ‘leeching off’ and recharging my batteries and if anyone of those energy providers are reading this, I appreciate you.

I first had a plan of doing my digital detox, from here and other platforms too, and focus on content creation in many forms from music, to B.Y.E., to future ideas that I want to bring to life and so on and so fourth. Turns out that when I got to my destination my body, mind and soul took more than a digital detox but a life detox all together. Alarms off, Calendar closed, Instagram and Whatsapp notifications piling up, book out.

I even stopped tracking or delegating my time.

It was peaceful.

To end off, I do not want holidays or reset all the time, however, it was very important to practice what I preach in these writings. My energy bank balance was living ‘paycheck to paycheck’ my passive energy incomes were being spent on life and I had to make a choice on how I want to go forward with my journey. I decided to take a step back and asses in order to carry on moving forward. I decided to spend time with my thoughts, as hard as that actually is to do. I selfishly or selflessly decided to use my energy on revitalising me instead of giving it to others. I am very happy that I made the choices I made and decided that I was my biggest priority. Now I am able to return and give more of me away, and I truly hope that what I have to give, moving forward, is something that you are happy to have.

I was also fortunate enough to go to a historic and interesting country that I had never been to before for work, so I did get the best of both choices, but that begs the question as to if I had not given myself the break and space, would I have been open and aware to the opportunity and experience, but more on that in future posts

P.S. ofcourse I asked ChatGPT to suggest and make this post ‘better’ but I have also decided that I will write as me, with the flaws, the spelling and grammer mistakes, but at least you know it is me, in my most raw form of writing.

Yours truly

Raven Rudolph