Guess How I was Born?

We Are Women, Hear Us Roar

By Susanne Gervay OAM

‘If you want a baby it’s now or never,’ my daughter’s endocrinologist Dr Beech told Tory

The option of ?my daughter Tory carrying her own baby was serious due her chronic kidney disease. Dr Beech explained that she would need to meet with the high risk pregnancy team and they strongly would advise against it. Tory would face dialysis in pregnancy and a kidney transplant after the birth. She would have seven months in hospital with an early delivery. Her baby would not thrive and there was the further risk of her dying.

But there was a yearning inside my daughter for a baby. When she spoke to me, our pact was made. I would be beside her on her IVF journey. She was doing it as a sole parent, but I was there and we had double the love.

Australian IVF is harsh. It took four years of endless injections, hormones, surgeries for egg retrievals and difficult recoveries after each one. My daughter had six IVF retrievals. But the eggs they collected failed, the specialists were unable to discover what was wrong. They pressured her to go for another retrieval. We both knew it was for no result.

It was the time of Covid-19 and overseas travel was difficult, if not impossible. Tory began the process of applying to the Australian government, obtaining doctors’ referrals and records of the unsuccessful treatments here, and argued the case to go to the USA. The USA offers expertise and a complex process from egg collection to surrogacy.

Australia has severe restrictions on surrogacy. It is against the law to enter into a commercial surrogacy agreement anywhere in Australia. But how can a surrogate

Not carrying a baby would not mean it was not my daughter’s. It would be her baby and she would love it. I would love it too.

Happiness. My daughter got her approval to fly to the USA despite pandemic restrictions. Disappointment. I was not permitted to go with her.

It was three long months in the USA. When could she get a flight home? We had spoken on zoom to USA based Dr Brandon Bankowski, MD, MPH, endocrinologist, with extensive experience in vitro fertilization and genomics. ?So alone and determined, Tory arrived in Portland for her first live consultation with him.

He discovered on the second day, what was her problem was: hormonal. The eggs could not develop and release fully. Dr Bankowski managed the process with extraordinary care. As Tory was there, she had the second retrieval, although the first was successful. Tory’s eggs were collected.

The selection of the sperm donor was stressful, as she went through every imaginable scenario. He was handsome, of course. The fertilised eggs were successful. They were frozen. Then we waited.

Surrogacy was part of the journey. It was a year long process with forms, zooms, introducing ourselves and the development of the beautiful relationship with here surrogate Misty. There was no guarantee that Misty would carry the baby when the eggs were implanted. We were all hopeful. This would be her only surrogacy. It had to work. We love Misty and her family.

It was a miracle that Tory got a flight home after endless bookings and cancellations. She left three fertilised eggs in the USA. Then we waited. Misty needed minor surgery. Then it was time for Misty to conceive, and for us to follow her pregnancy and be on the path with her. Every stage of her pregnancy was momentus. Will she get to the next month? Is everything all right? Misty was carrying such a precious baby.

Drama hit. I had some strange episodes with speech disruption, spinning, voice loss. The doctor organised tests. The MRI showed a nearly 6 centimetre brain tumour. The surgeon was going to cut a large hole in my brain. I could be aphasic. What did that mean? I wouldn’t be able to read, write, communicate, speak. How can that be right? I am a writer and speaker. My next novel, The Edge of Limits , was coming out this year. It’s on consent. On social justice. On gender equity. My deep passions. That is what I do. Speak.

Suddenly, I gasped. There was my daughter. My beautiful daughter and we had a pact, I had to make it.

My surgery was the 5th May 2022. The surgery was shocking. My eyes were blood red, my head swollen and misshapen, a stroke impacted my right side, a feeding tube, unable to communicate or walk. The brain surgeon and team, neurological nurses, ICU, therapists were professional, but I had two brain tumours removed and stroke. My speech centre was gone. How could I accept this?

I have fought so many challenges from rheumatoid arthritis, multiple cancers, a pelvic tumour, staph infections, divorce with two small children and looking after my mother with her refugee background. The stuff of life. Now I had to fight the brain tumours and a stroke.

The challenge was to develop new brain pathways in unknown territory in my brain. It’s called neuroplasticity. I was determined to learn speak, in thee future launch The Edge of Limits but the most important thing: my daughter. I would never abandon her.

I felt like the Helen Reddy song – I Am Woman.

I worked as hard as I could to learn how to speak, write, read and walk. It was very hard work, but I was determined. Five weeks in hospital, then many months of home care.

But I had to go back to the USA with Tory to collect the baby. ‘You promised you would be there for the baby.’ I nodded. I was going to win this one, because it was for my daughter.

The last leg of the journey arrived. We flew back to the USA just in time, 24th July. Her birth was 25th July. Violet Rose came a month early and was tiny and perfect.

There were further struggles ahead. More surgery with staph in my brain, but there was this extraordinary baby in our arms.

Tory and I hugged each other and Violet Rose. Helen Reddy’s song rang in my head.

We are women. Hear us roar.

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Published in Women’s Ink! Spring/Summer