Guardians of Dignity

Just when you thought the pot could not boil any more, the heat is once again turned up on 2020. The United States is just weeks away from an election and the two major camps seem more divided than ever. The rhetoric is dire, with each side insisting humanity will cease to exist as we know it if the “other side” wins.

Past are the days of the “honorable opposition,” where the people that disagreed with our position were just as decent as we are. Now, it seems, we are encouraged to believe those we disagree with are not only incorrect, but they are intent on destroying us. This concerns me; when we begin to think of our neighbors as the enemy, they become the “other,” not a part of us.

However, when we actually speak with one another, we quickly realize the rhetoric is nonsense. People are just people trying to figure out their way in the world. If you read this column, odds are you are a thinker – someone also trying to find their way in the world.

People that seek to disrupt their lives, their team, or their company are wanting to improve their condition. There is a prevailing theme amongst the people I’ve spoken with, presented to, or coached over the years -- they all hope to make their world, their workplace, or lives better tomorrow than it is today. Sometimes we need new tools, like the S Curve of Learning?, to act on the desire to improve.

When dealing with the intractable problems that have led to violence in Northern Ireland, Libya, Israel, and Colombia, Donna Hicks, an expert at conflict resolution and an associate at the Weatherhead Center for International Affairs at Harvard University, has found it best to lead with dignity. So much so, she has written a book titled exactly that. I talked to Donna last year on my Disrupt Yourself podcast.

Wherever there is conflict that appears beyond resolution, Donna and her team work diligently to facilitate dialogue between the disparate parties and find ways for them to work together. It’s far from easy, but over the past 25 years Donna has noticed a pattern emerge, helping her achieve better results with each conversation.

“I worked all over the world in many different conflicts, but while we were sitting at those tables and listening to how they were going back and forth about how to settle the political issues that divided them, it became very clear to me and to my colleagues that there was another conversation taking place in these negotiations. It wasn’t just about the political issues that divided them, but they were having an emotional conversation as well…finally, after several tries, I realized that what this was about…it was really about their dignity.”

Donna has found that we are all guardians of dignity, and we owe it to ourselves, others, and the greater good to educate ourselves in the inherent value and worth of everyone around us in order to flourish.

“Pure dignity…is central to the human condition. We all want to be treated with dignity; I think it’s our highest common denominator as human beings. Even though we’re all born with dignity, we’re not born knowing how to act like it. So, we really have to learn, we really have to educate ourselves in some of the basic fundamentals about dignity.”

Those fundamentals are what Donna calls the 3 “Cs” of dignity—connection, connection, connection. These are: 

• Connection to our own dignity
• Connection to the dignity of others
• Connection to something greater than ourselves (the greater good)

In addition to the great counsel from Donna, I have found when we begin to see people as the “other” and forget their dignity, it might be time for a media diet. The upside of social media, YouTube, and a proliferation of cable television channels is that more voices have a chance to be heard than ever before. The downside is often the best way to get attention—to rise above the noise on all those platforms—is not by appealing to our better nature, but instead, providing a space where bad thoughts get amplified. We can’t control any of the commentary around us, but we can exercise control over what we take in and what we keep out. A media diet, or a more controlled intake, is a practice of Guiderail #5: Step Back to Grow. Step back, take a deep breath, and reflect.

How can you put yourself on a media diet to help you Step Back to Grow? What can you do today to see the dignity in someone you disagree with? Where can you find connection to the 3 “Cs”? Understanding and recognizing dignity it not just important in conflict zones, but also at the office. How can you bring greater dignity into your workplace for your colleagues and employees?