Grumpiness, Breaths, & Gratitude

"Mi amor, Mama is really grumpy today."

This simple statement hung in the air with the weight of my weary tone.

This was an actual conversation I had with my 16 month old toddler this week in our our driveway just before heading to the library.

He can't respond with words yet, but I could see in his wide, curious eyes that he was absorbing the heavy cloud of my mood.

You know those days when things are just off, like nothing is going right and then it continues to go wrong? That was my day.

Everything about me was very visibly grumpy and just... off.

"It's okay to feel off sometimes. I just want you to know I'm not upset with you. Want to do a couple of breaths with me and then share some of the things we're grateful for? Sometimes that helps."

So there I was doing three deep breaths with my son and then listing things I, and we, are grateful for.

He knows how to do audible belly breaths, so he joined me, his tiny chest rising and falling in sync with mine.

In the past, I would've plastered on a smile masking my true feelings behind a facade of forced cheerfulness, with a reluctance to accept the negative feelings.

I always say is that I don't have parenting advice for anyone. Every child and circumstance is different, so I don't have much to share in that respect.

However my sharing this is a reminder to me. That we're human and it's okay to be grumpy sometimes.

I addressed with him because I never want him to feel responsible for my moods. It's crucial he understands that my grumpiness isn't his fault, and that he did nothing wrong.

More than anything, what I want my son to always feel is honesty from me. That I communicate how I am feeling and that it's okay to feel both good and bad. That feelings come and go, but the more we acknowledge and love on ourselves the more we can be present and accept what is.

Because, as we know, pain in life is inevitable. The waves of discomfort will come, but it's the suffering that we can control. I've seen in my life that by embracing our emotions, we lessen their hold on us.

While my grumpiness didn't disappear, sharing that moment of mindfulness and vulnerability with my son reminded me that it's okay to feel off.