Growth is a Process

Fourteen years ago, I faced a day of life-changing events: I had a total hip replacement and became a non-smoker. Yes, both on the same day—6th January 2011. The hip replacement was planned, but the smoking stopping? That came about because, quite frankly, I didn’t have a choice. There was no way I’d be able to nip out of the hospital for a cigarette. I was going to be struggling to even get up out of bed to use the loo under my own steam.

I did have a safety net, though. Two packets of cigarettes were tucked away in my handbag ‘just in case.’ One was nearly empty, the other unopened. I told myself I’d see how long I could go without one, but if the urge struck, they’d be there. That mindset got me through the 10 day hospital stay. Then the 3 months of recovery began - plenty of reading, daytime telly, nana naps and not much else. The highlight of my day was taking off the surgical compression stockings ai had to wear! For six weeks, I stayed strong.

And then one day, I cracked. My carers aka my sister and my mum had gone back up north. Hubby was out at work; Finn was at school. I was home alone, hobbling around on crutches, feeling lonely and frustrated after a failed attempt to fix something on my computer. It was all too much. My tears turned into action—I went to the cupboard, grabbed a cigarette, and sparked it up.

One puff in, I froze. “Lisa, what the hell are you doing?” I said to myself out loud. In that moment, I knew. I threw it down, stubbed it out, and that was it. That was my last cigarette.

For 32 years, cigarettes had ruled my life. They punctuated my day, dictated my routines, and consumed my thoughts. If you’ve ever been addicted to something, you’ll get it. Everything revolved around ensuring I had enough to last me through the day. They were non-negotiable. However skint I perceived myself to be, there was always cigarette money. Reflecting on this years later, I realised how absurd it was to prioritise something so harmful. Yet it also prompted a bigger question - what do I treat as non-negotiable now?

Self-Care: The New Non-Negotiable

If I could make time for (and find money for) cigarettes, why couldn’t I make the same effort for self-care? The truth is, like so many of us, I often put myself at the back of the queue.

These days, I’m much better at making space for myself, but it’s still a work in progress. There are moments when things I know would nourish me get sidelined: catching up with friends, reading for pleasure, or taking a relaxing bath. Yet I’ve come to understand that these acts of care aren’t luxuries—they’re essentials. They’re the foundation of everything else.

A good friend of mine, Clare, talks about the concept of “four batteries” we need to keep topped up: cognitive, social, emotional, and physical. Each battery requires attention. For me, my cognitive battery is charged by reading or learning something new. My social battery thrives when I spend time with friends or business buddies—though I also recognise when I need to recharge by stepping back. Emotionally, I’m nourished by deep conversations, journalling, or simply soaking in the beauty of the countryside. And physically? That’s about nourishing my body with good food and moving as much as I can, within my limits.

Breaking the Cycle of Neglect

It’s not just me who struggles with this. So many of my clients come to me because they’ve realised, they’ve been putting themselves last for far too long. Life has pulled them in multiple directions—caring for ageing parents, supporting adult children or grandchildren, and juggling careers. Somewhere along the way, they’ve lost themselves. Their identity feels like a distant memory.

Often, they’re stuck in a rut. They’ve defaulted to wearing the same old clothes because it’s easy and familiar. Inside, they still feel vibrant and full of life, but their wardrobe tells a different story—one of blending into the background rather than standing out as the incredible individuals they are.

These individuals have tried to fix it themselves. They’ve read the books, scrolled through blogs, and followed countless influencers on Instagram. But nothing quite fits. They’re tired of the trial-and-error approach. What they want is clarity. They want to know what works for them, so they can dress with confidence and ditch the self-doubt.

The Turning Point

For many of my clients, there’s a moment—a final straw—that prompts them to seek help. It might be a major life event, like redundancy, divorce, or losing a loved one. Or it might be the professional realisation that they need to up-level their visibility to match their ambitions. Whatever the trigger, they come to me ready for change.

This change isn’t superficial. It’s not just about looking good; it’s about feeling good. It’s about aligning the outside with the inside. It’s about reclaiming their identity, stepping into their power, and making themselves a priority. They decide, at long last, that they’re worth it.

Growth Is a Process

Change doesn’t happen overnight. As Rupi Kaur so beautifully reminds us: “You do not just wake up and become the butterfly – growth is a process.” It takes time, patience, and commitment. But the rewards? They’re transformational.

When you make self-care non-negotiable, everything shifts. You start showing up for yourself in ways you never thought possible. You create space for joy, connection, and creativity. You build a wardrobe that energises and inspires you. And most importantly, you begin to see yourself the way you truly are - a vibrant, confident, and unapologetic individual.

Your Turn

So, what about you? What’s your non-negotiable? Maybe it’s taking a walk in nature, indulging in a creative hobby, or setting aside time to connect with loved ones. Maybe it’s finally addressing that “WTF Syndrome” (Wardrobe That’s Failing) and investing in yourself.

Whatever it is, start today. Start small. Start where you are. Because you deserve to be a priority in your own life. Own oxygen mask first/ not pouring from an empty cup etc. You deserve to feel seen, supported, and celebrated. And you deserve to live as the very best version of yourself.

My intention for 2025 is to make a proper space for doing my creative art and design work. I’ve had Paul measure up to make me a work bench in my office. I’ve joined a couple of groups on Facebook to inspire me and I spent Sunday sorting out my old paints and inks. We’ve got date days in the diary, and I’ll be getting my countryside fix regularly. I’ve joined a couple of new business communities of likeminded women and will be tapping more into my intuition than ever before. I’ve made a start regarding eating more plant based wholefood to nourish my body and I’ve got quite a few social events booked in throughout the year already so I’m feeling very organised and on it in terms of Project Lisa for 2025.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. It’s the foundation for everything else. So make yourself your next big project. Because you’re worth it.