The "No" That Grows Your Business

They say that after many years of business, you'll get numb to things. Well, it's true to some things, like having to work harder on weekends or going the extra mile even when the client may not deserve it.

But one thing that I never really got around, is being rejected. Sure, it's easier to take a "No" in the face now after 17+ years, but to say that it's to a point of numbness... not really.

When I land what I thought is a perfect pitch and get a "Nah, let me think about it", I still feel the pinch of disappointment.

When I offer my services in exchange for what I thought was a decent fee, and got a gentle head shake followed by a downward-looking sigh, I still feel overwhelming anxiousness.

When I repeatedly following up on a sale and got silent responses, I still feel like being slapped out of nowhere.

And over the years, one thing I come to realise is, because I don't like to receive "No"s from others, I avoided, or even resented, saying it as well.

Hence the problem.

The Birth of Procrastination

As a service provider, sometimes we had to take on jobs that we may not want, well, because it pays the bills, we would say.

And it's not just the emotional, personal "No" that we initially feel in our gut. As different as humans are from one another, occasionally, we get clients that we don't "like" on a "character" or "values" level. It's probably something they said or did during the sales process that threw you off, or their reputation in the market.

We let those slip by, saying things like "Don't take it too personal", or "Let's be objective" to ourselves.

I'm referring to the "No"s you should have said because the client wasn't a good fit. As product owners or service creators, we tend to believe our offerings can benefit everyone. Call it pride or confidence, or the excuse that it's an opportunity to learn from taking on a new type of client, it doesn't change the fact that it should have been a No.

As my wise business partner and friend Dato' James would say,

"If you serve everyone, you serve no one."

You see, regardless of which reason it was, when you said Yes instead of a No, you will start procrastinating.

Think about it: have you ever signed on a client, and somehow they are always on the bottom of the list of priorities? You would do everything else first, even those treaded taxes, before working on their project. You've scheduled in your calendar, and rescheduled again and again to get it done, and yet, every time you saw it due on the calendar, you tend to snooze it and push it to a later date.

And it nags at you every day, keeping you awake at nights even.

It's like an incomplete puzzle with a missing piece somewhere in that messy storeroom.

It's like that medical checkup you had been making excuses for not going, despite it only taking only an hour of your weekend.

It's that weird sound your car makes every time you start the engine, but can't seem to find the time to swing by the mechanic.

And even when you get around to starting the task, you find yourself easily distracted, and what otherwise would have taken a few hours, will be stretched out for days.

The worst part? Even after it was done, it's a job you didn't feel proud of, and you know it's not your best work. And because you feel that way, somehow, when you hand the completed work over to the client, they felt your lack of enthusiasm too. You can see it on their "meh" or unimpressed face.

"Ah, but I can always farm it out to my team, right?"

Good thinking, but I figured you'd find that the level of passion isn't always the same for all projects your team worked on as well. Chances are if you're not excited about it, the feeling is contagious, and it got passed on to them too.

Suddenly the excuse of "well, it pays the bills" is being reasoned with "we could have used the time to look for and serve better clients", followed by "Why do we always get ourselves into this?"

The Anti-Persona

When we're marketing our products or services, we will create a persona, an ideal client avatar. We list down their age, marital status, interests, social circles etc. We even put a name for them, like HR Harry or Sales Director Sally.

That's just part of the equation, because it's who you want to serve. It may be due to your suited background and the best use of your expertise, or it may even be because of your domain experience.

A good, complementary practice, is to have an Anti-Persona - someone whom you and your business will not serve.

And remember, it's not just about gut feel (we'll talk about that later), but rather due to the terms of the engagement, size of contract or even the nature of the industry that we tend to avoid.

For example:

• What industries you're not suited to serve?
• What market segments you don't have the domain experience in
• What verticals don't you have the necessary expertise?
• What problems that your existing solutions are not meant to fix?
• What would be a steep learning curve for you and your team?
• What is not the best use of your bandwidth?

Now, they don't have to be a nasty person. Sometimes, an Anti-Persona can be the nicest person in the room, and you've had such a nice time interacting with them that you want to serve them. Let's be objective here, because if you think about it: if you take on the job just because they are "nice", there's no guarantee they will be as nice when you drag the project pass the deadline or give a subpar work.

Oh yeah, sometimes Anti-Personas could be a user or an advocate, but not necessarily a customer. For example, a person that always check e-commerce pages for the best prices, but never buys from them. Or, an avid fan of fast cars but can't afford them yet, or never will, due to their poor financial sense.

If you and your team are struggling with current projects that seemed to be taking longer than usual to be completed, perhaps it's time to plan a little time out on Friday and map out the Anti-Personas. You can't reject your existing anti-clients now, but at least the team will have the clarity who they want to serve, and who should they pass on (and feel totally OK about it).

The Gut Feel

Ah, that instinct, what women sometimes call the "six sense". Totally not a sexist thing, because men will feel it too. Although in my personal experience, women have it more because they actually listen to it. Men, priding us as the "logical" creatures we think we are, tend to ignore such tingling "spider-senses".

Yes, I'm referring to that uneasy feeling you have when you first met the prospect, or even when you're doing your research before the meet. It could also be that look on your associate's face when you ask them about the soon-to-be client.

Sure, you can be overthinking it, and chalk it up to emotions. But seriously, could "being excited" about the prospects be just as emotional as well?

If they don't cross off any items on the Anti-Persona list, and you still feel the uneasiness, perhaps have another business partner or senior team member involved in the initial talks. Allow space for honest conversations about the prospect and if both of you had the same "feeling", it's probably something.

Now, before you chalk it up to "Mav has gone cuckoo with the woo-woo", think about it. Have you ever not sign on a prospect, only to hear how bad a client they are from your peers or competitors? You'd probably breathe a sigh of relief, and feel proud that you listen to your "inner voice".

Not that "woo-woo" anymore, right?

The scientific proof is, as the prolific psychologist Sigmund Freud has said it, there are three parts to the human mind:

1. Conscious
2. Subconscious
3. Unconscious

At any given time, the conscious mind is known to be able to focus on 5 to 9 things actively. That's why we tend to miss out on things when we concentrate on certain tasks. (Or for a man,  when a pretty girl comes into view and suddenly that garbage can just mysteriously vanish from sight...until it meets our toe)

The subconscious mind, however, doesn't have that limit. As a matter of fact, some would argue that it doesn't even have a "filter", but we'll get into that in another post. Whatever the subconscious mind sees, it stores, and it does its own processes on it in the backroom of your mind.

That's where all the gut feel and instinct comes from.

Here's an example: You might have seen this practiced in rural areas, where healthcare is a luxury and not easily available. It's a trick my mom taught me to when I was younger. You see, before the availability of the scanning equipment, anxious parents would not have a clear way of knowing the gender of their children, until they are born, that is.

What the elderly would do is, take a piece of thread no longer than the length from the tip of your middle finger to your wrist (some may just use a strand of hair), and tie one end to a ring (or small, weighted object).

Holding on the other end of the thread, with the ring suspended in the air, the soon-to-be mother would ask the gender of the child, and depending on how the ring rotates, the answer will be revealed.

Now, before you chalk it up to the woo woo (again? Really?), the scientific explanation is that the subconscious mind, through micro muscle movements, influences the direction in which the ring rotates or sways.

So, think about it.

That uneasiness feeling could be telling you something. Now, don't take it as conclusive, as it's a nudge to remind us to review our notes. After all, we wouldn't want to regret not trusting it a few months down the road.

The Proper Way To Say No

Now that you have your reasons to say No to a prospect, may it be from the Anti-Persona or your new-found trust in your instinct, how do you actually say it without offending anyone, and without future repercussions?

One way, is just be honest about it. And no, don't mention the gut feel because the prospects will definitely think the worst of you!

Just thank the prospect for the time, and mention that where there won't be a fit, either by domain experience or necessary expertise. Be tactful with your words as you don't want to appear incompetent as well. Cite the past experiences you had, and be upfront about the gaps that you see. Mention that you have their best interest in mind, just be frank about the wrong fit.

Don't leave them hanging though. Recommend a solution for them. Among your peers in your industry, I'm sure there are other business partners or even "competitors" you can channel the inquiry over. Yes, it would mean profits for them, but let's face it, you didn't want the job in the first place anyway, right?

Plus, if they can serve the client better through a competitor, why not do it out of their interest. Furthermore, it's a chance to build a good relationship with the other players in your industry, and who knows? They may pass some deals over in the future as well, though it's probably not wise to go in expecting that.

So In The End… Are You Still Thinking It's Just An Excuse For The Weak?

Well, humans tend to justify. Truth be told, there has always been an innate need for us to do that. We need to give reasons to the things we did or didn't do.

So if you think that saying No to a potential client means leaving money on the table, and being a chicken shit by covering it up with some made-up woo-woo stuff, then I guess you should have said No since the beginning of this article and not read this far. :)

This is, after all, an opinion piece, and I'm glad we have differences in opinion. The world would be a lot less exciting if everyone just simply agrees.

But if you always had that nagging feeling of needing to get work done for a client and yet you still procrastinate, it's probably a good time to think of the reasons behind it. I mean, there are some clients and projects that you breezed through easily, so what makes these few so different?

Here's a suggestion:

Probably it's time to say Yes, to saying No.

p.s. Got that friend or business associate who always regret taking on certain projects or clients, and listening to their b*tching sessions? After making sure it's not an attitude problem (if he or she is like that to ALL forms of work, and not just a select few), why not pass this article over to them? Sometimes they just need the courage to stand up and say NO, and you could be that nudge they needed. Tag them below in the comments, or share it through a PM. Trust me; they will appreciate your support and your thought.