Growing up with my father - why being comfortable as the elephant in the room

Working in STEM is great! I am surrounded by inspiring colleagues from around the world, bringing and showing own values and authenticity. As a female scientist, as a teacher and coach, I have never felt held back by labels and stereotypes. Why not?

I would like to share with you some of my thoughts, particularly on authenticity. And if you feel addressed, or even not agreeing – please leave a message in the comments below. I would love to hear how you think about this topic! What is the secret then to be who we are – authentic at our workplace?

I do not have the answer. And yet…

I have often pondered why I effortlessly establish positive working relationships with my colleagues, regardless of their gender or background and stay true to myself. For the most part, I have been surrounded by male colleagues, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it.

This is not to say that I have never encountered situations in which colleagues spoke to me inappropriately. However, I am confident in expressing my feelings, articulating my thoughts, and setting my expectations. Without many limiting believes. I do not find this difficult, and most of the time, I feel incredibly respected and valued.

For instance, I once co-taught an engineering course with eight male instructors. Throughout the experience, I felt appreciated, supported, and encouraged to voice my opinions. I never felt excluded; quite the opposite, I felt privileged. I was kindly treated as a queen!

The question that has intrigued me is why I am so comfortable in these settings and why I can always be my authentic self, regardless of the environment.

I believe the answer lies in my formative years spent with my father. My mother worked five-six days a week, so I primarily saw her in the evenings and on weekends. She was my role model for hard work and resilience.

My father, on the other hand, was my ultimate teacher. Despite not having the same educational opportunities I have had, he taught himself continuously. He was endlessly curious and always discovering new things. Learning never stops! - he said often. He was sociable, charismatic, energetic, and a staunch believer in his ideas. He possessed both intelligence and remarkable modesty.

After a 35-year career as an engineer, difficult economic circumstances arrived when the industry was in decline. His factory closed down, and many lost their jobs, including my father. In the time that followed, he built a new house - our new home. My younger sister and I had the privilege of participating together with him in this endeavour. Spending a lot of time together, my father did not showed us how to put makeup on, or how to use nail polish, nor he approach a delicate and fragile tactic towards us just because we were girls.

He encourage us to never be afraid. ‘Climb the tree!’ – he would say to get us out of our comfort zone. Even when fear held me back, his unwavering response was, ‘Don't worry, you can do it!’

Most outstandingly, he emphasized the importance of knowledge and hard-smart working, encouraging us to aim for a perfect 10 in every class and every field. He urged us to challenge the status quo, reminding us that it is perfectly fine to be the elephant in the room as long as you use your intelligence rather than blindly following the crowd.

Is this the reason why I feel true to myself even when I am the only woman or the sole expatriate in my working environment or among my new family in the Netherlands? Is this why I find it natural to engage in difficult, confrontational conversations, talking about the elephant in the room, unafraid to express my ideas without worrying about acceptance? I believe so! Truly!

I can only offer one piece of advice to myself and to all of you reading: be genuine, stay true to yourself, regardless of the circumstances. Speak up your mind and listen actively to others! Be authentic every day, everywhere!