Growing up

Growing up I realized I went through three phases that were all separate and distinct, but looking back it makes me realize ultimately I knew nothing.  But those phases have hopefully allowed me to be a little bit wiser, though anyone close to me I am sure would argue that point.  If you have kids or have reflected on yourself, you realize it's about continual growth and development. And learning maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. So let's talk about how we can save us from our selves.

 But first let's discuss those three phases of growth:

Phase 1: Adoration:  Let's say this is for most kids under 10, I love you mommy, you can do no wrong.  Feed me sugar, videos and I am happy, oh you made me meatloaf, you are the best.  I am so happy to see you the minute you hit the door ( sound familiar?) Dad you are so cool and know stuff....

Phase 2: Understanding:  OK, let's say lack of understanding (ages 11-19) mom and dad you just don't get it, sheesh. You guys are soooo stupid, you try to keep me from having fun, do you really think I will get into trouble? I know what I am doing, I can do it by myself! Gosh as Napolean Dynamite would say....

Phase 3: Recognition: (Let's call it greater than age 21)  Wow, maybe my parents knew what the heck they were doing.  In fact I think I may call for advice but mask it as I really want to do "X" but you may suggest "Y".  And I actually may do "Y" because I know deep down, your advice may help avert disaster or I may do "X" and add aspects of "Y" for increased chance of success. Oh heck I will just admit I need help and perspective, since buying that Great Dane in my apartment is the equivilant of having a Rhino in a bathtub and has worked sooo well ( Dad was right, again) .

Sound familiar, I am sure you can relate if you are honest with yourself.  I view my leadership journey or even any career journey in much the same way.  There is something great about the newness of a job, position, career change, life change that we live in phase 1 in some form or manner.  I distinctly remember having a boss at my first job that smoked in the office (and in my face) that I thought could do know wrong.  Despite putting my health in jeopardy and having my girlfriend at the time think I was a closet smoker, I was open to learn and was like a sponge and therefore thrived.

Upon my very first promotion into a management role I sort of (unfortunately) fell into phase 2 over time.  I am smart right? They promoted me for a reason, they understand I can get it done.  I should have all the answers, I might be viewed as weak if I don't know the answer.  And why are they asking me these leading questions, it's not like my people don't like me and that I am going to ruin the budget or project, right? What is possibly left to learn anyway?(What is the worst that could happen?) They just don't get what I am trying to do.....I also have seen people in all job types get surly and stay in this phase, are you this person? 

Then I settled into phase 3, because I came to realize through feedback, coaching and most importantly listening that it was OK to ask.  What I mean, it was OK to bounce ideas, problems off of others or seek counsel on difficult matters. Oh heck, maybe even call that old boss I thought was a doofus, who I now realize was only trying to save me from myself and wasn't so dumb.  It's about the team, being humble and serving for the benefit of others. I realized you don't ever stop growing up, you just get older and there is a difference.

In my previous blog I talked about the 4C's of leadership* that I think every leader needs to be effective.  But the bigger thing is to understand growth and development are along the continuum. I have come to embrace and love Phase 3, since it is under the premise whether I have a problem, something complex or need to understand something, that my team, mentors, coach, peers all have something to add or give me insight.  So here are three principals I challenge you to put in to practice that I use, which has helped me grow and remain pliable.

1. Find a mentor, coach, peer and/or confidante that you can bounce things off, or any combination thereof.  Seek to learn from others experiences, insights and counsel, more likely than not, there isn't anything new under the sun. Common sense, but on a recent flight with a colleague he admitted on this topic he probably doesn't do it enough, me too but I try.

2. Find coachable moments with your own failures, in other words reflect to move on. This should be table stakes, but I ask more people their last failure and what they learned in job interviews, conference of peers etc. And more often than not we sometimes repeat the same mistakes, we often think of I did this or that different it would have worked.  A great friend and mentor of mine said, "John you want to analyze how clouds form, why it's wet and how to avoid the rain if you were in a different spot, etc." I said what are you getting at?  " He said John, sometimes it just freaking rains, no matter what you do". Get it?

3. Here is the biggest one, admit to yourself that you don't know it all and that's OK.  Use this to have a thirst for learning, which can be an articles, school, seminars, discussions, etc..  Learning from others is often the best part of the job and relationships since I have found it enriches the interaction in so many ways. After all the world is a classroom, isn't it?

Because it really is about continually growing up right?

* What is Leadership

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