Growing In Recovery

IMPORTANCE OF THE PRONOUN "WE"

Active abuse and dependence on mood altering chemicals and behaviors creates havoc in our lives.?The once nice, functional person we were is now prisoner to the destruction caused as the result of these chemicals and behaviors.?Sometimes we might even briefly think we have a problem, but this is only temporary.

Once I reached this stage of my addiction my thinking was significantly distorted as I struggled with feelings of low self-esteem, worthlessness, and lack of meaning in my life.?My efforts to control became a big issue because it distorted reality.?Shame and guilt affected my self-image.?A sense of belonging became an issue, and I was attracted to those like me (like attracts like) and I was comfortable in this environment because they did not expect too much from me.?The most significant issue in dealing with my problem was denial, and my ego blocked me from accepting reality.?

Behavioral scientists report that we have effectively formed our personalities by the time we are eight or nine years old.?Over time life experiences will continue to mold the way we think and react.?If you grew up in a dysfunctional family that is your function.?One of my biggest problems from an early age to my late thirties was immaturity.?I was the middle child, and my younger sister was born with a defective heart and died at six months.?My mother, in a very loving way protected me from growing emotionally so I was ill prepared to fit in once I was exposed to interacting with others effectively.?I was sexually abused and bullied by my peers which only led to feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. ?I discovered alcohol at age sixteen and abused it from the very start.?It gave me a sense of relief and helped me block out the feelings I was unable to process. ?This is also where I think my ego became the way I dealt with the immaturity.??????

The English word "ego" is the Latin word for “I am.” Literally translated, ego means “I am”.?Ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. ?The word ego has gotten a bad name over the years, and can actually provide some good, it just does not go far enough sometimes.?My ego consisted of ways to deal with the perceived pain in my life and provided me with ways to deal with that pain.?I learned to present myself as self-confident, competent, and self-sufficient.?I became good at figuring what people expected of me and was very good at projecting that.?I was hired within thirty minutes for two jobs, one of which started me in a new career where I spent the last thirty years, most of that self-employed.?I could have won an academy award for the way I acted to cover up my fears.?But all good things come to an end and that was my case.?

The fear of being discovered for who I really was became more frequent, so I started reading self-help books for assistance in discovering the real me.?They only extended the inevitable reality of my dilemma.?My biggest issues were fear and lack of trust.?All of those years of being bullied and made fun of affected how I trusted others.?Also, my family did not share many feelings, unless it was to correct or punish, so I was reluctant to reach out for help. ??

It became clear at a point in my life that my addiction was out of control, and I could no longer deal with the problems by myself.?My best thinking had gotten me to the point where I was twelve hours from losing everything and had to make one of the biggest decisions in my life.?My wife had encouraged me to attend AA meetings and I did for about a year and a half, but I was only doing that to appease her.?It was not until she gave me an ultimatum that I entered treatment and started on the path to recovery.

My ego resisted treatment because they were trespassing on his territory in my brain, and he did not like being pushed into the background. ?In treatment I discovered there were twelve suggested steps based on Spiritual Principles that could change my life and help me live up to becoming the person I was capable of being.?It is not circumstantial that all of those steps start with “We”.?I was showered with unconditional love and acceptance from the first meeting I attended.?Due to my immaturity and ego people in recovery were patient with me, even though I pushed the envelope at times.?

The Steps require action.?Denial and immaturity were stumbling blocks that kept me from addressing my addiction for a long time.?Working those steps with a good sponsor and supportive people in recovery I was able to accept that I could no longer make it on my own and the door for a worthwhile life in recovery opened.?The first three Steps allowed me to surrender that I was out of control; accept that I could not do it on my own and believed that a Power greater than myself could restore my sanity; and have the faith to turn my life over to that Power.?Steps Four through Seven help me to honestly identify the defects of character that created the problems in my life, and to share them with another person and my Higher Power, turning those defects of character over to Him.?

Once I made the amends in Steps Eight and Nine I had cleaned up my side of the street and began to see the positive changes in my life.?My family started to fully trust me again, even though it took about two years. Working the Steps?helped me to start getting to know who I am and I realized that I was in the wrong career field and founded an Employee Assistant Program company in Nineteen Ninety. Over the last thirty years I have counseled several thousand employees and their families to resolve their problems and improve the quality of their lives as the recover from alcohol and drug abuse, marital and family problems, depression and stress. ?I founded The Recovery oach in Two Thousand and One and provided services in areas of addiction management. Now semi-retired I facilitate treatment groups for non-violent fellons for the @1st Recovery Court. ?

It is by God’s Grace and Love that I am sober today and his Will for me is that I practice the Spiritual Principles in my life and carry the message to those who still suffer.?“We can’t keep it if we don’t give it away”.??If you have gotten this far thanks for reading it and I pray that you found it beneficial.??

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