Grow through what you go through

Have you ever had one of those days at work where everything seems to go wrong? Maybe you missed a deadline, had a disagreement with a coworker or received some tough feedback that knocked the wind out of your sails. We’ve all been there. And whilst these moments are tough, we should see them as golden opportunities for growth and personal development.

Let’s be honest, hard days suck. But after having so many of them throughout my life, I’ve come to the point (thanks to age and time!) where it feels frustrating and almost boring to keep crying over the milk that’s been spilt a couple of thousand times. I’ve started wiping them up and moving on, it only took me 32 years of life to figure out that the milk has been spilled already, and will probably get spilled more so I may as well find a way to keep pushing on.

But first, let’s talk about the mistakes - those pesky, unavoidable lessons disguised as failures. In the workplace, mistakes can feel particularly public and punishing. But here’s a little secret: everyone makes them. The key is not to avoid mistakes (because my friend, you just can’t/won’t), but to learn how to handle them gracefully and use them as stepping stones.

Remember that time you flubbed the details during a presentation? It was embarrassing, sure, but it also taught you to double-check your facts and maybe even practice a bit more. Those lessons make you not just a better employee, but a more empathetic teammate who can encourage others through their blunders. And empathy, as you know, is career gold.

Now, let’s get real about something a little deeper - workplace trauma. This could be anything from being overlooked for a promotion, dealing with a toxic boss, or even experiencing bullying. These experiences can leave scars and create a narrative in our heads that we’re not good enough.

One incident that has profoundly affected me was being bullied, racially discriminated against and body shamed by the same senior leader, at a job I truly loved. This harrowing experience, although happening many many years ago, still lingers both professionally and personally. It was a systematic assault on my dignity and self-worth that left deep psychological scars. It didn’t just affect me whilst at work, it seeped into my personal life leading to a diagnosis of PTSD. I’ve spent years in therapy working through the emotional aftermath. I’ve gone back and forth on it, speaking at length about it, but for a long time, I let the fear and hurt control how I continued with my life. It’s a tough journey, but I’ve realised the importance of not just going through these experiences but growing through them.

Talking about this period of time can still be challenging, it requires revisiting a time when I felt powerless, devalued and humiliated. However, these discussions - whether in therapy, with a trusted friend or even in forums like this blog post - have been pivotal in my healing journey. They helped me to confront the pain and start to dismantle the hold it had over me.?

Healing from these wounds starts with acceptance. Acknowledge the pain, the anger, or the betrayal. It’s okay to feel these emotions; they don’t make you weak. They make you human. Sharing your story with trusted colleagues or a mentor can also be incredibly freeing and the first step towards rewriting your narrative. Acknowledging the deep impact of our experiences and giving ourselves permission to heal at our own pace is incredibly freeing. But I completely appreciate how moving forward can be hard, especially when parts of us want to hold onto the hurt because letting go feels too much like forgetting and forgetting could mean it could happen again. If you can allow me to go on a small tangent - do you remember that feeling of being out of control, no control over the challenges you’re facing, no control over the outcome and those thoughts of “I cannot survive this again” - I just wanted to remind you, you have survived 100% of the challenges you’ve faced in this life. You will get through this hardship.

Every challenge at work is a chance to learn something about yourself. Are you someone who stands up in a crisis or needs a moment to process? How do you handle criticism? Reflection is a powerful tool that can help you understand, not just your skills but your values and limits.

For instance, learning that you value integrity over success may lead you to make choices that align better with who you are, which is incredibly empowering. This alignment not only boosts your career satisfaction but also drives you to positions where your values are celebrated, not negatively challenged.

I know I sound like a broken record because I talk so much about resilience, but truly since I discovered the term, learning more about it and understanding its power has been a life changer for me. Building resilience is like building a muscle. It requires time, effort and sometimes pain, but the results are worth it. Please do not misunderstand me, I am not saying you should take abuse, disrespect and mistreatment just to build resilience, what I want is for us to use those inevitable challenges life throws at us to learn and grow from them. Each setback in your career can help build that resilience, teaching you that you can endure and emerge stronger. Resilience doesn’t mean going through tough times without any emotional response - you are human, it just means navigating through the emotions and ultimately recovering.

So, how do you grow through what you go through? Start small. Set realistic, achievable goals for yourself. Maybe it’s speaking up more in meetings, or it could be taking a course to improve your skills. For me, it was going to therapy to find clarity in things I was struggling to move on from. Each small victory builds confidence and proves to your most critical audience - yourself - that you are capable of growth and change.

As you move forwards with this knowledge, keep these truths in mind: you are not your mistakes, you are more than your worst day at work and you are capable of bouncing back stronger than ever. Embrace your journey with all its ups and downs, because it’s yours uniquely. And remember, the most inspiring stories often start with a stumble. So, wear your scars proudly - they’re proof of your resilience and your capacity to overcome. Keep pushing, keep growing and let every experience teach you something valuable. Onward and upward my friend!

Always wishing for your strength,

Jessy x