Groverwhelmed Sunday: Communication works for those who work at it

Last Monday, I conducted a Team Meeting where we reflected on what was working and not working for us.?

What came out as a clear pattern was: wherever?the communication was clear and regular (internal and external) work was coming along quite well on the other hand, wherever?the communication channel was broken (either the team members were finding it difficult to express or there were no established protocols) the work seemed like a drag.?

My weekend binge this week?was: Break Point - the docu series?on Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi's highs and lows.?Interestingly, my take away was that they both had a lot to share and express with each other but were just unable to - they did not know how to or there were no established protocols.?

While I am not an expert at this topic, since i've spent the entire day reflecting on this, I thought I would use this Groverwhelmed Sunday slot to share about my own experiences?around Communication for Trust Building.

1) Remove the rigidness?

Communication can be considered either a meta term or a dry term. Whenever?someone shares: Communicate openly, communicate freely - I am sure everyone internally feels: please don't give us gyaan; I know that I need to communicate freely and openly but I don't know how to.

In my relationship with my wife, between the two of us, I am the lesser expressive one - finding it hard to connect with my feelings, stay with them and share. Understanding the importance of knowing how each of us were feeling, my wife did something interesting to enable me to communicate more freely with her.?She created these events called Talk Dates. We would step out for these talk dates: go to cafes, restaurants, bars monthly at least once and just express what was on our mind over a casual meal or drink. The mere thought of it being an event, at some level removed the rigidity from the thought of having to communicate - it went from being a stiff?serious moment to one in which i felt?a lot more comfortable, and willing to express.?

If you are a follower of The Office, you would also relate with the conference room meetings conducted by Michael Scott (played by Steve Carell). In all these meeting all he is doing to either communicate to the team or seeking his team to communicate back to him is be goofy and random - again, removing all sort of rigidity.

2) Express your vulnerability: Give first and then Take

Everyone says - share your vulnerabilities. However, we all know how difficult it is to share, especially to those you don't trust yet.?

On a drive with my father-in-law once, he expressed: in life everything is Give First and then Take. He explained the relevance of this sequence: if you want people to give you time; you first give time to them; if you want people to listen to you, you first listen to them.

Likewise, if you want to allow people to express their vulnerabilities you could express your 's first? iI now try and treat most of my conversations as Give and Take - the sequence is very important.?

Ted Lasso, is a?series which is in news currently: in the current season we see how the psychiatrist, Dr. Sharon isn't able to get Ted to express his issues/vulnerabilities. But, once she opens up herself (gives a piece of her vulnerabilities) Ted finds it easier to open up.

3) Patience and Curiosity - these two words matter?

Rome was not built in a day; likewise trust is never established in a 60 mins Zoom meeting. What I have learnt is one needs to hang in there. If you are approaching these meetings where you and your partner or your team is trying to openly communicate - having a tight timeline rarely helps. You may need multiple sittings to express, discuss and then eventually align. In all these meetings it is supercritical to be curious (curiosity helps keep the judgemental side at bay) and when you are curious you ask questions, you take digressions?and are ok with not converging the discussion fast. Curiosity signals interest and you make people comfortable when you express your interest.?

Quite a 180 degree turn this article from my past 4 - the misadventures?of a group of boys travelling :) It's been on my mind this week and perhaps some of this resonates with all of you too.