Groom of the Stool and Courtliness

One of the most coveted and influential courtly positions of the Mediaeval and Middle Ages was Groom of the Stool. Literally seeing to the nether regions of the Monarch. Where there’s muck, there’s brass, or in this case land, riches, and power. If one was OK with the actuality of the task, then one had 1-to-1 personal access to the King that no one else had. This access and the ability to find stuff out, and suggest things, was literally worth a fortune.

Nothing much has changed.

Courtliness was, and I’m going to suggest still is, the skill of being successful ‘At Court’. Courts are not just Royal, but that was the biggest stage. Now it’s the corporate world which provides the stage.

Here is the problem for the devotees of the Saint Brené Brown, vulnerability, bring your full self to work fad (it is a fad btw). DO THAT AT YOUR PERIL. Oh, say you’re doing that, but do it extremely carefully, and not at all genuinely (what most call “authentically”). It’s trendy, it’s one of the fashionable pretenses of Courtliness that come and go. No one that’s left sitting down when the music stops really believes it though, it’s just a test of your skill to get it ‘just so’.

There are people that can carry off a good degree of their eccentric selves, but observe carefully, these people are the playthings of the truly powerful. They amuse, can offer some points of learning, and are often kept around like court jesters. I’m one of these ??. The properly upwardly mobile, and those at the top of the greasy pole all look, sound, and probably smell, indistinguishable from each other.

For a very long time, the social skills of being able to manoeuvre into influential company, and do well there, is what has made people rich and powerful. It’s the thing which gets (I’m told) 90% of very senior people to be very senior people. They may not be, and often are not ‘effective’, but there they are, in the top jobs, with the big salaries, bonuses and packages. Only a very few are in these positions because of some technical or academic knowledge. A few are there by sheer luck and being competent to boot.

Courtliness is a skill to a certain extent. It can be learned, but it really helps if you’ve ‘got it′. There are some people of whom it can be widely agreed, they ‘have it’, they seem to be able to apply just the right amount of whatever it is, at the right time, with the right people, in the right places. It is this opportunity, up and down the levels of management and leadership which gets you ‘on’ in life. It’s fitting in, saying just enough, and knowing when to press on, and hold back. BUT you have to be in to win.

THIS above all else, is the reason why meetings are ubiquitous. People want time with the right people.

This is a skill I’m very good at teaching, and utterly dreadful at myself, unless I have a microphone and a musical instrument between me and everyone else, then I’m fine. Mostly because there is little or no opportunity for me to have to listen to and entertain banality, but enough of me – this was just in case anyone had any ‘physician heal thyself’ thoughts…

So, meetings. Meetings are not what most people think they are. They are in fact mini-courts. They are opportunities for socio-hierarchical shuffling, for winning and losing, for point scoring and face fitting. They are a time and space to be seen by the right people doing, saying, and acting in a Courtly fashion. It’s never left us.

Meetings of all kinds, even technical meetings, scrums etc., are all the same. They are all doing as dogs do when they meet, about figuring out who’s who and trying to raise your profile. The interplay between people is unstoppable, it is a core part of being a tribal, social animal.

Social climbing in your ‘spare’ time, being seen at the right events, at the right places, with the right people. Saying the right things, having the right connections, etc. This is why CEOs in the US are paid more than 400x the amount of ordinary Prols. They recognize and reward each other. They can ‘get things done’ not because they are knowledgeable, brilliant, or expert, it’s because they know other people whom all want to preserve the club.

So, Courtliness is to be taken seriously if one does not want to remain in one’s current circumstances, or, marry someone who is good at it, as has been the time-honoured method. It may seem unfair, and that’s because it is, but nowhere is it written that life is fair… well, it is, but it’s not.

The point of this Enough newsletter then is an odd one. It is to say that if you think that meetings are pointless, you’re right if you think the point of the meeting is the subject of the meeting. Well… not in every case of course but you will always be in a situation of ‘unequals’ even if you do get things presented, talked about, and decided, and there’s minutes, and action points…

…you’re on show, you’re at Court, and so is everyone else. Decide if you are going to play in that game, or not, but play you must if you have aspirations of advancement.