Grit, Luck and Humility

I was having a conversation the other day with a friend of mine, getting advice about my career and planning for the future. She opened my eyes to a few different things that were blocking me in my career, but more importantly, she asked me a question:

What makes you good at what you do?

Now, I like to think that I'm self-aware enough to know what I'm good at, but it's never come to mind WHY I'm good at it. I found it funny, considering I truly believe in the 'Start with why' principle from Simon Sinek. So, after sitting and thinking about it for a while, writing things out, and scratching them all away again, I've boiled it down to three things: Grit, Luck, and Humility.

Now these three things are focused on one skill that I truly believe I have, and that's connecting with people. In my little friend group, the running joke is, "Jade always knows someone." Growing up, I thought it was just a funny observation, but as an adult, I realized it was a skill that I've been discounting for a very long time in my life. Connecting with people isn't easy for everyone. For a long while, it wasn't for me either. But, once I embraced those three that make me good at what I do, I found making real connections a lot easier.

Let's start with Grit. Now in most entrepreneurship circles, people associate grit with the ability to hold on no matter what gets thrown your way. That is NOT the definition I'm using. For me, Grit is the ability to seek out people and then reach out to them. This sounds easy for a lot of business people, cold-calling is a natural part of the lifestyle. But, for those just starting out, having the gall (or grit) to reach out to someone new can be the most intimidating thing in the world.

In the past, I know I've had thoughts like, "I don't have the background to reach out to this person," or, "It's just a waste of their time if I reach out to them." However, if there's one thing I've learned being part of the entrepreneurial community, it is this:

Always ask, because the worst thing they can say is no.

A lot of people don't like asking because of the uncertainty of things, but that uncertainty means nothing. If you don't ask, you'll never know. And I've found that, as long as you do things the right way, people tend to make time if you take the time to ask.

However, there is a bit of a caveat to that: Luck does play into it. Any entrepreneur who tells you luck had nothing to do with their success, is lying to themselves and to you. Luck has everything to do with success. Being in the right place at the right time, at the right cycle of the moon, means A LOT!

But how does this apply to reaching out to people?

When you reach out either by phone, e-mail, or even a LinkedIn connection request, you have to be aware of the state you might catch someone in. Luck is having that person be in the right mood to hit accept or reply back to you because they are in the right headspace to do so. We all have lives that affect us throughout the day, and if you happen to catch someone at a bad time, it might not work out for you.

It's happened to me more times than I can count. Just recently I reached out to a game developer to learn more about their projects and get their advice on career, but they had too much on their plate to meet at this time. And that was just the luck of it at that moment. Just because someone does not have the time to do something right now, does not mean they're never going to have the time. They may meet with you at a later date, or connect at some other time, but only if you've been doing the last thing.

Humility.

It's not something we talk about a lot in careers. We focus on our achievements, our goals, and our plans for the future. In a sense, we are wired to promote ourselves and our causes. I've been guilty of this myself. Give me a minute to talk about why I think the Games Industry is one of the most important, and I will talk for hours.

But me pontificating at someone will not create a good relationship.

When I speak of Humility, I really mean this:

Stop selling and buy instead

Think about some of the LinkedIn requests you've received. I know for me when someone puts what service or product they're trying to offer me right away, it makes me want to hit ignore. People don't like being sold to, and we know when someone is trying to. So, instead why not give someone else the opportunity to have their soapbox; their space to talk about their career and goals?

Take my earlier example of the developer. I was not there to sell myself. I wasn't looking for a job (not directly, at least), I was looking to learn about their projects and get their advice on a career. And although they didn't have the time right now when I asked to connect at a later date they agreed to.

When we approach people to learn from them, they're more likely to hit accept. They're more likely to connect with you and have a productive conversation. Doing this builds a true connection, one that you can cultivate into a better relationship, and maybe even down the line a sale.

Buy what people are putting down, and who knows, maybe you'll even learn something that will help you down the road.