To Grit with Grace in a Time of Carona

Meanest dog you'll ever meet-

It ain't the hound dog in the street. He bares his teeth and tears your skin

But brother, that's the worst of him.

The dog you really got to dread

Is the one that howls inside your head.

It's him whose howling drives men mad

And a mind to its undoing. 

-Hadestown

 It's a time when the world needs us to remember how interconnected we are and what matters most. On behalf of Cerity Partners and myself, we couldn't be more grateful for our clients, friends, and colleagues right now. I wanted to reach out to you all to send warm regards, as well as share a pearl or two of wisdom and hopefully some cheer.

 I wrote my blog, "To Grit with Grace-Lessons of a Lifetime," a few short years ago, yet what feels like a lifetime ago. The words Coronavirus, COVID-19, self-distancing, and sheltering-in-place didn't exist in our vocabulary yet. Face masks and surgical gloves were not part of our daily attire. What got me through other troublesome times will get me through this one, and maybe help some of you out there as well. My mental hacks include the following: 

Understanding what we can control- so little, and yet so much 

In 'Confessions of a Hopeless Optimist', Erik Strid writes, 

"There is nothing the human brain hates more than uncertainty. We crave the comfort, and sense of well-being that comes from knowing what is going to happen to us in the future, and we will do anything we can to avoid the feeling of fear that comes from being uncertain about our future. As a result, our brains are constantly trying to make predictions, desperately trying to use the limited information we have about the world we are living in now, to help us form a belief about what is going to happen in the future."  

Jason Zweig, a brilliant Wall Street journalist and one of my favorite authors, defines certainty as "An imaginary state of clarity and predictability in economic and geopolitical affairs that all investors say is indispensable- even though it doesn't exist, never has, and never will." He goes on to say, "...uncertainty is the only condition investors ever have faced, or ever will, from the moment barley and sesame first began trading in ancient Mesopotamia to the last trade that will ever take place on Planet Earth."  

I often remind myself that one thing is certain- nothing is certain. However, there is at least one thing we can control- our own behavior. "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it," as written by Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his book, The Bed of Procrustes: Philosophical and Practical Aphorisms.

Believing in the ingenuity of people, especially Americans 

Yes, times are hard, very hard. However, history has taught us that as Americans, we have faced many tragic times before this (financial crises, terrorist attacks, wars, pandemics, etc.) and have always come back stronger. 

In past challenging times, our ancestors had to sit at home (with no Wi-Fi!) fearing the unknown without seeing loved ones for months on in, while today's generation is fortunate enough to have the support of technology. Many of us can listen to our podcasts for global updates, watch the news in live time, work remotely, and catch up with loved ones on a zoom happy hour after our virtual group fitness class. Americans are adaptable, and we continue to prove it every single day.

Cerity Partners colleagues demonstrating teamwork and positivity by all wearing orange on a team Zoom call. 

Being grateful 

The worse is not, so long as we can say, 'this is the worst.'  

King Lear, Act IV, Scene I 

It's been said that gratitude can turn what we have into enough, and more. When I am concerned, I turn my mind to all I have and to all I have had, and my mood instantly changes. One tip for those of you who like to write on computers and also enjoy pictures--check out the Five Minute journal.  You start your day with a notification asking you to do your gratitude thoughts for the day. I love the  ability to add a picture for each day (shockingly my Labradoodle and fiancé appear with great frequency!). And for those of you who still enjoy paper, there is a hard version that you can buy. 

The other way I express my gratitude is through philanthropy. I have accelerated my giving to causes that matter most to me, and I have given to new organizations to help first responders and those without means in this time of crisis. I am helping individuals with time (info on the PPP program for example) and with money I would typically be spending anyway (continuing to pay my hairdresser, house cleaner, and dog walker). You can give back by donating to charities that matter to you, or simply supporting your local community and economy. Maybe you order takeout once a week, supporting your local restaurants, and tip a little extra. In times of distress, a little can go a long way.  

Knowledge 

We all know that nothing lasts forever. I remind myself often of my father's favorite quote- "this too shall pass." Robert Frost said, "The best way out is always through." Through this we go. No, it's not pleasant and yes, it can be very scary and anxiety-provoking. I remember Aristotle's words, "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." There will be light. Our remarkable, resilient nation will survive, and the economy will recover. My hope is that we'll learn some lessons from this crisis, albeit lessons no one should have to learn. I predict very little as most of you know, but I predict we will be stronger and better when this is behind us. And, one day, it will be behind us.  

Speaking of knowledge, nothing soothes my soul more than reading. The books that have helped me in the past difficult times are tales of perseverance. One of my favorites is Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage by Alfred Lansing. Another book displaying superhuman resilience is Adrift: 76 Days Lost at Sea by Steven Callahan. Both are riveting. Should you be looking for some good books during your isolation, give these a try. 

Now, as I sit in my home office with unpolished nails and unkempt hair, I'm going to channel Elizabeth Taylor who said, "Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together." 

With grit (usually), grace (when I can muster it), growth (most of the time) and gratitude (aways) 

Randy

Randy Kaufman is a Partner in the New York office focusing on strategic growth and client relationship management. Randy's expertise includes estate and income tax planning, pre-deal planning, multi-generational issues, impact investing and philanthropy, and she is a frequently featured speaker on these topics. 

Contact Randy at 617 460 0322 or [email protected]