"Grit and Grace During the Pandemic" by Melissa Cresson

A few weeks ago --- maybe during Week Five of Louisiana’s Covid-19 stay-at-home order --- my digital and social media “memories” reminded me that four years earlier, my daughter, then a high school junior, was having a wonderful run as Cosette in her school’s production of Les Miserables. Les Miserables had long been one of my all-time favorite novels and, after seeing the musical on London’s West End after law school graduation, the musical shot straight to the top of my list of all-time favorite musicals. Then, when my daughter was cast as “Cosette” in 2016 and I watched her conquer her fears and self-doubt to beautifully portray Cosette in her high school’s production, Les Mis’ spot atop my list was cemented.

It wasn’t just that her high school’s production was phenomenal and that over 100 kids – many of them not “theater kids” and totally out of their respective comfort zones -- took the stage and gave amazing performances that inspired me. A year earlier, my daughter almost didn’t take the stage for the first preview of that year’s show, Hairspray. I had to call her drama teacher/show director the morning of the preview to say that my daughter had cried herself to sleep, saying she was “not talented” and “was terrible” and was adamant that she was not going to be able to go on stage that night. After some tough love by her beloved teacher and many additional tears, she took the stage as Edna Turnblatt that night, in a wig and a fat suit, and rocked it.  

One year later, that same kid was the essence of confidence and grace as Cosette onstage. She adopted one of Cosette’s lines from “A Heart Full of Love” as her onstage and offstage mantra: “No Fear. No Regret”. She had not become a different person. She still privately questioned whether she was talented or good enough, but she marched on. She was like the duck soaring gracefully across the water --- it looked effortless, but those little duck feet were paddling like crazy just beneath the water.

As is the case with most parents, I have learned more about myself and life from my children than I feel like they have ever learned from me. This was no exception. I have often thought of my daughter’s transformation that year – accomplished with steadfast support from her teachers and with no shortage of grit and determination of her own. On the day the digital Les Mis “memory” showed up during Week Five of quarantine, I desperately needed to be reminded of that lesson.

During the early days of the quarantine, I was really struggling. The stress of trying to maintain my already demanding law practice and worrying about the financial impacts on my firm, my clients, the country, and on our family, was wearing me down. That stress aggregated with the worry and sadness I was experiencing in watching my husband worry about his job and his staff, and worry over the well-being of my two teenage sons after suddenly being deprived of their school and sports and friends, and grief seeing my daughter, now a junior in college in (where else but) NYC, unexpectedly home and unsure about when or if her life in NY would ever return to normal. 

To make things worse, I was reading all of the articles and posts about how to take the time during quarantine to learn new skills like sewing, or to play an instrument, or do amazing, unique things with your family, and, how, if you weren’t taking better care of yourself now, it wasn’t because you previously didn’t have the time. It’s just that you were lazy.  

So, I was working full days and then trying every night to cook, clean and disinfect the house, make our family engage in FFF (forced family fun), check house re: food/supplies and re-order necessities, check in on my parents and other friends and family, and exercise, and I was LOS-ING it. The week before Easter I hit the wall. Hard. I cried non-stop for two straight days and, by the end of the second day, I knew I had to make a change.

It was that same week that the Les Mis “memories” flooded my newsfeeds. I thought about my daughter’s triumph over fear and self-doubt in 2016, pulled out my tattered copy of the novel, and was reminded that people have been surviving unimaginable tragedies and hardships since the beginning of time.  

The conclusion I came to that evening is not novel and is the simple, albeit hard, truth I learned after losing my oldest son as an infant in 2000. Getting through this pandemic is not going to be easy. There is no magic wand. No panacea. There are no magic beans. No words that will make this or any other suffering instantly or easily melt away. The only way to get through a difficult time is to grind through each day doing the things you have to do whether you want to or not. Get up, put on a happy face, and try to find some love and light in each day. Be cautious, but do not fear. And, most importantly, take it one day at a time. That’s the “grit.”

The other lesson I reminded myself of is that not every day is going to go according to this happy plan. So, on days when you don’t get out of your pajamas or brush your teeth, your teenagers’ rooms are a disaster (including if your teenage son has his garbage from last night’s meal from Jimmy John’s in the bed with him when you go to wake him up at 2 p.m. --- just as an example), and you haven’t cooked, cleaned, exercised, or washed clothes, remind yourself that you have put in a full and productive day at the home “office” (or vice-versa) and give yourself some grace about whatever you weren’t able to check off on your to-do list that day. Believe me. I’m still not great at this part, but I’m working on it.  

So, if I were writing my own mantra for these strange times, I might change it slightly from that of Cosette in Les Mis. Instead of “No fear/ No regret”, I think it should more aptly be, “No fear (but listen to the medical professionals about protecting your health and the health of those around you). Keep up the Grind/ Show Grit each day (keep paddling like crazy beneath the water). No Regret (but, seriously, show yourself and everyone around you some grace if you or they are not always at the top of their game).”

I may need someone to send me daily reminders of the “grace” part though. Probably need one now as I’m about head upstairs to the teenagers’ and college student’s bedrooms ……

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Melissa Cresson is a partner in the Baton Rouge office of Kean Miller. She joined the firm in 1996 and practices in the electronic discovery, environmental litigation, toxic tort litigation, oil and gas litigation, environmental regulation and commercial litigation areas.