Grinding Isn’t the Key to Success, But a Good Therapist Might Be

Black people don’t do therapy!

That is the unspoken mantra perpetuated since the advent of slavery, passed on for generations, that Black people don’t do therapy — we simply deal with the sh!t.

I used to believe that…well, until I found myself unable to breathe, with tears streaming down my middle-aged cheeks.

What the f#ck was going on with me? Sure I’ve been stressed, and I typically overcome that stress by pumping iron or bellowing from the depths of my soul the lyrics to the best 90s boy band songs…#TeamNsync.

But nothing was helping me say “bye, bye, bye”?to these feelings and deal with?the sh!t.

Before my breakdown, my wife had been encouraging me to?see someone about this newly developed short temper and irritable attitude I had.?For some time, I was restless, wound up, and always on edge. It had been years of me having sleeping problems — finding it difficult to fall or stay asleep. I still struggle with getting quality rest.

I chucked it all up to me building my legacy as an entrepreneur.

I believed that the sleepless nights were nothing more than me thinking through how to scale and grow my business.

The feeling of being on edge was simply me being fired up with excitement to get these ideas out of my head and to build an offering to the world that was meaningful.

The stress?

Watching your fluctuating cash flow as your bills mount up is part of the process, right? Managing employees, nurturing client relationships, pitching to investors — well, that is what you must do, right? This stress is easily overcome, so long as you keep your grit — so they say.

Then there is the pressure for startup founders to constantly be actively engaged in the entrepreneurial community and to be seen as thought leaders in their respective industries.

I can no longer count how many panels I’ve spoken on or hackathons I mentored during events like Global Entrepreneurial Week, never getting paid beyond a complimentary all-access pass and a swag bag. But, to be taken seriously and to establish your reputation and credibility, you got to do it, right?

Being featured as a guest on podcasts discussing the importance of diversity in tech and design —?constantly rehashing the trauma and challenges?of being a Founder of Color — well, that’s just added flavor to the success pie. Us Black founders have to represent all Black people, right?

All of this is expected of you when you decide to take the entrepreneurial journey, right…right?

Back to those tears…

Why was I sitting on the floor, curled up with hypermasculine unmanly tears flowing down my face? I felt so overwhelmed.

At that moment, I frantically called out to my wife, who came rushing into my home office. Through my sobbing tears, I managed to utter the three words she had heard far too often from me…

“You are right…sob, sob…”

Followed by…

“I…sniffle, sniffle…need help.”

And there went another point scored for #TeamWifeIsAlwaysRight

Got Grit? More Like a Big Ol’ Pile of Bullsh*t

In the entrepreneurial world and startup culture, there is no greater honor than the display of grit.

In every panel where I shared the stage with fellow founders, one of us will inevitably say to the audience of people eager to hear our entrepreneurial wisdom — “It’s your grit that makes the difference.”

What is grit?

Grit is a relatively recent concept in psychology that refers to the personality trait of perseverance and passion in pursuing long-term goals.

It is related to other personality traits such as resilience and hardiness.?Angela Duckworth and her colleagues first introduced and popularized the concept of grit in 2007.

According to a recently penned article in Psychology Today, research has shown that individuals who exhibit grit tend to be high achievers, and grit is related to motivation and academic success.

In other words, grit can be a key factor in someone’s ability to achieve their goals and succeed in their endeavors.

But what if Angela and all of her research homies are wrong?

Is grit necessary for success? I used to think so, but not anymore. It took an anxiety attack, a bout of high-functioning depression, and seeking the help of a therapist for me to realize how damaging my acceptance of “grit” had been to my mental well-being.

Grit is nothing more than an excuse to overwork and neglect your mental health.

As entrepreneurs, we are constantly faced with the expectation that we must work hard to achieve success. This belief is deeply rooted in our culture, and it is often seen as a virtue in and of itself. We are told that if we put in the effort, we will be rewarded with success in our ventures.

While hard work is certainly a valuable trait to possess and can often be a crucial factor in the success of a business, it is important to recognize that there are many other factors at play as well. Talent, opportunity, and luck can all contribute to an entrepreneur’s level of success.

Then there are privileges that some people are afforded depending on their network, race, or gender that other people are not.

However, focusing on hard work as the sole path to success can be detrimental to our well-being. It can lead to an unhealthy culture of overwork and burnout, as entrepreneurs feel pressure to constantly be striving and hustling in order to achieve their goals.

It can also reinforce harmful beliefs about success and worth, as entrepreneurs may feel they are not successful if they do not achieve their goals through sheer force of will and hard work.

To truly succeed as an entrepreneur, it is essential to recognize that hard work is just one piece of the puzzle. A more balanced and nuanced approach to success that takes into account a variety of factors is likely to be more healthy and effective in the long run.

“The only way to make real change is to take action. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.” — Unknown

As an entrepreneur, I have always prided myself on my ability to work hard and hustle to achieve my goals. I was convinced this was the key to success, and I was willing to put in long hours and sacrifice my well-being to get there. However, this all-consuming focus on hard work came at a cost.

The cost was me becoming unfulfilled with my business, dissolving it for a short period, and taking a corporate job that started great but was not as rewarding as I had hoped to be.

Additional costs were my ignoring my children when they would say, “Daddy, come play with us!” My default response was, “Give Daddy a minute, I’m working!” — and never showed up.

Or me bypassing my wife’s growing concern about me being so focused on me building and growing the business but not putting in the needed effort to continue to build and grow our relationship as a couple.

I was neglecting not only myself but the people who unconditionally love me the most, for what, the love and adoration of strangers who likely don’t give a damn about me?

Eventually, I found myself struggling with anxiety and high-functioning depression.

I was burnt out and overwhelmed, but I could still go through the motions and run my business. And I found that going through the motions is like trying to run a marathon on a treadmill — you’re moving but not going anywhere. As an entrepreneur, this can be the kiss of death to your business.

The compound effect of all of this led to me experiencing an anxiety attack. But the silver lining was that this experience helped me realize I needed to make a change.

Therapy is Dope!

After my anxiety attack, that’s when I decided to seek the help of a therapist. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Sure some of my kinfolks were side-eyeing me at first, but they saw the shift in my personality too. The old Louis was back, but better!

Therapy has taught me much about managing my mental health as an entrepreneur.?It has helped me to recognize the importance of taking care of myself and to understand that my mental well-being is just as important as my business success.

Through therapy, I have learned how to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and manage my stress in a healthy way. I have also gained insight into the underlying causes of my anxiety and depression and have been able to develop strategies to cope with these issues. All of these things have been invaluable in helping me to create a more sustainable and fulfilling entrepreneurial journey.

Therapy has also served as a gateway to further my understanding of myself and to truly (re)discover who I am spiritually and as a father, husband, son, and friend.

As entrepreneurs, we are often told that grit and determination are the keys to success. We are encouraged to work hard, push ourselves to the limit, and never give up, no matter how difficult the journey may be. However, this relentless focus on grit, grind, and hustle can be damaging to our mental health and well-being.

The truth is, protecting your mental health is the real path to entrepreneurial success.

When we prioritize our own well-being, we are better able to handle the challenges and setbacks that inevitably come with running a business. We are more resilient, more focused, and more capable of making sound decisions.

When we neglect our mental health and push ourselves to the brink of burnout, we become not only less effective as entrepreneurs but less effective in all aspects of our lives. We are more prone to making mistakes, less able to handle stress, and less likely to achieve our goals.

So, the next time someone tells you that grit is the key to success, remember that it is just a joke, where the punchline is a bunch of depressed motherf#uckers pretending everything is okay. The real key to success is protecting your mental health and taking care of yourself.

Do whatever you need to do to ground your mind, and if you need help, therapy is one hell of a drug.

I know that seeking therapy is not always an easy decision, especially for entrepreneurs who are used to being in control and taking care of everything themselves. But I can honestly say that it has made a huge difference in my life, and I would highly recommend it to anyone struggling with mental health.

By prioritizing your well-being, you will set yourself up for long-term success as an entrepreneur. Now, that’s a worthwhile exit!

If you found this article thought-provoking, follow me!

I invite you to connect and follow me on?LinkedIn.?Thank you for your support!

My name is Louis Byrd, Founder and Chief Visionary Officer of?Zanago.

Remember, change happens by design…