Grinder...

Assessment Title: How Grindr affect gay men’s mental health:

Introduction:

????????There is a rise of gay dating apps such as Grindr, but mostly gay men are unaware of how this dating app affects their mental health (Gremore, 2018a). “Apps like Grindr has about 3 million daily active users and it gets mainly used by men in order to explore sexual desires, meet sexual needs, and to connect with the gay community” (Penny, 2019). The most common reason for users to go unto the app is because the screen full of half-naked men excites users and because sex feels great (worthman, 2013). Some people on Grindr get ignored or deleted, and after a date or a hook-up, "ghosting" seems to be the norm (Turban, 2018). Grindr challenges traditional codes of behavior therefore, Grindr is a reflection of Sexual liberation and sexual liberation is important, but it is still necessary to take into consideration the negative effect Grindr has on gay men’s mental health (Turban, 2018). Psychotherapist, Denise Dunne argues that “there are some difficulties in mental health that arise around the use of dating apps such as Grindr." She continues, “They create an atmosphere that psychotherapists would have previously regarded as pathological, and narcissistic” (Afshar, 2019).

Grindr gets mostly used for sex but through Grinder people also build relationships and friendships (Goedel and Duncan, 2015). Men like Grindr, as this app gives them access to hundreds; even thousands of sexually available men with just the swipe of a finger (Gremore; 2018b). For HIV positive men Grindr created a relative safe platform for HIV men to find other men with the same status as them (Bolding et al. 2005). Campbell (Campbell, 2010) believes that Grindr gives gay men a sense of identity formation particularly to gay men who live in rural or remote locations where they might have limited access to social groups. In some countries like in Egypt, there are no open spaces for the LGBT community, so Grindr became a platform for people to come to terms with their sexuality. Many people make use of Grindr as they don’t like strangers, bars, crowds, etc. Some reported by saying that Grindr creates the platform for some people who battle with social anxiety as it let people chat a little before meeting them and it creates the space for some to let go of negative thoughts and anxiety then, it feels for them as if they are not meeting a “stranger” anymore (Graham, 2018). For others, Grindr is a tool for when they are traveling for when they don’t have a hotel, to have sex and to sleep over (Graham, 2018). Some believe that Grindr is their only hope to find a boyfriend (Mess, 2018). Some gay couples use Grindr as they have open agreements about acceptable sexual behaviours with outside partners, such as “being safe” (ie, using a condom) with outside partners (Goedel and Duncan, 2018).

Grindr is much different than Tinder, Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel as when you create a profile on Grindr you need to put stats into their profile which place people into categories according to weight, height, race, etc.” (Pavlou, 2017). Grinder is not recommended for those who are struggling with some personal issues as some users can be cruel, mean and rude (Mess, 2018).

The gay dating pool is small and the emphasis is on looking hot, skinny and white (Pavlou, 2017). On Grindr, there is little space for people of colour, trans people, or gender-nonconforming people as Grindr creates a world where the perfect sexual ideal is masculine, muscular, perfectly groomed white men (Pavlou, 2017).?On Grindr, the gay community is a culture that describes “perceived fixation on image and connotations of superficiality, perfectionism and falseness” (Gough &Flanders 2009). Sometimes on grinder strangers message others with messages such as “If u shed a few pounds, u might actually be cute” (Peitzman, 2013). It impacts gay people’s mental health when their own community rejects them because of their identity, and who also commodifies them at times (34sty.com, 2017). Many times, instead of sending a polite message “sorry not interested!”, some men attack others identity or they simple ignore others messages (Pavlou, 2017) .

Verbal Violence and discrimination is part of many gay men’s Grindr experience ?(Gremore, 2015). On Grindr, some profiles have preferences such as “Only into whites…” or “no blacks and Asians” (HeteroChallenged, 2011). Minority stress gets created due to this kind of interpersonal and structural racism, normativity and stigma and this can be linked to suicide and other psychologically significant problems (Michaels, Parent & Torry, 2015). Burns et al, suggest that gay men experienced increased anxiety and stress if they experienced discrimination. Stress was noted to be more severe if the individuals added certain attributes to the discriminatory event. (Burns et al, 2012, p.33).

If a Gay man of any ethnicity is highly confident he will possibly demonstrate higher resilience to discrimination or to cruel comments (Purdie, 2016). Men who may have low self-esteem and a tendency to assign certain attributes to discriminatory transactions are more likely to experience adverse mental health outcomes (increased anxiety and stress) through their interaction on Grindr (Purdie, 2016). “The negative mental health outcomes of low self-esteem are noted in many studies, some include depressive disorders, dysthymic disorders, anorexia, and other personality disorders” (Mann, 2004). Men with a lower self-esteem seem to be more vulnerable to physical and mental health problems. (Mann, 2004).

Sometimes, people who make use of this app trust others blindly by letting strangers into their house in the middle of the night and now and then grinder gets used to orchestrate theft, rape, serial murder, harassment, and some also use it to deliberately transmit HIV to unknowing partners (Purdie, 2016). Apart from the danger of meeting strangers, Grindr becomes dangerous to your mental health if you begin to use Grindr as a crutch in order to deal with your other mental health challenges (Mess, 2018). Among other things, men also make use of fake profiles on Grindr in order to attack those they don’t like (Mess, 2018). These experiences of violence and dis-inhibition are likely to have a negative effect on gay men's self-esteem and self-worth and can also create a risk for mental health problems. (Purdie, 2016).

Today Grinder is very much part of gay life as many young queer people have their first sexual experience by making use of Grindr (Theface.com, 2019). Even though it is easier for queer men across the globe to connect with one another, they tend to connect in a more superficial manner (Zane, 2016). As gay men invite others over for casual sex instead of going on dates (Purdie, 2016). “Instead of attempting to foster one meaningful relationship, we have multiple meaningless ones.” (Zane, 2016). The wrong use of Gay dating apps tends to create a lack of interest in commitment and therefore, it withhold gay men from finding lasting relationships. (Bagnolia, 2019).?

“Not surprisingly, meditation apps like Headspace ranked well, with 99% percent of users reporting they logged off feeling good.?Music and podcast apps also received high scores but Grindr topped the “unhappy” list” (Graham, 2018). Many people tend to turn to Grinder for acceptance when they experience rejection from their parents or from others (Bagnolia, 2019). According to Psychological research, dopamine gets released every time a person sees a social media notification, so people keep going back for more in order to feel good (Mess, 2018).”77% of Grindr users reported feeling regret after logging onto the app.” (Graham, 2018) People say that they have regrets as Grindr made them become and do many times things that they wouldn’t have done before (Theface.com, 2019).

A study has found that when men feel sad, anxious or lonely they make use of Grindr as sex distracts them from dealing with their painful emotions (Bloodworth, 2018). “I’ve chatted with guys late at night who offered to order me an Uber to their place, as if I?was a?meal on Delivery." (Theface.com, 2019). “So many of our service users tell us they want more emotional intimacy and a relationship but think everyone else is just looking for casual sex “(Bloodworth, 2018). As many gay men's focus is on sexcapades they are unable to find trustworthy friends?nor “the one” (Bagnolia, 2019).

Clicking on Grindr becomes an addiction for many people as the reward of an orgasm gives men the desire to do it over and over again (Bagnolia, 2019).” Neuroscientists have shown that orgasm causes activation of pleasure areas of the brain like the ventral tegmental area while deactivating areas involved with self-control. And these patterns of activation?in men are?strikingly similar?to what researchers see in the brain of individuals using heroin or cocaine. So when a neutral action (clicking on Grindr) is paired with a pleasurable response in the brain (orgasm), humans learn to do that action over and over again” (Gremore, 2018a).

Just as gamblers hold their hope that the next button will give them a win, in the same way, Grindr is like a slot machine that rewards men with an orgasm at unpredictable intervals and that is why Grindr is very addictive (Turban, 2018). Grindr can have a less negative impact on gay men’s mental health and can be a useful tool if men is able to spend less time on Grindr (Graham, 2018).

Grindr is often both a cause and a consequence of gay men’s poorer mental health (Turban, 2018). Both Grindr and the research community was silent on gay men’s mental health as their attention was more focused on sexual health than on mental health (Turban, 2018). “Since 2007,?more gay men have died from suicide?than from HIV” (Turban, 2018). Various Studies confirmed that gay people suffer more likely from depression than straight people (Gremore, 2018a). “MDE, conduct disorder, alcohol abuse/dependence, PTSD, and nicotine dependence are common and infrequently treated in young gay sexual minority men” (Burns, et.al). Gay men mostly battle to find lasting relationships as their self-esteem is based on their sexual ability and this has a direct influence on men’s self-worth and identity (Turban, 2018). Gay men battle with depression and anxiety as these once-off sexual encounters does not fulfil their emotional desire (Bloodworth, 2018). The Psychological Bulletin found that “overly critical self-evaluations” are leaving LGBT and identifying people with higher levels of anxiety and depression. “These apps like Grindr can reinforce feelings of low self-esteem and body image problems” (Forgan-Smith, 2013). It can be dangerous when gay men focus only on attractive men as they can develop insecurities about their own bodies (Bloodworth, 2018). Ruby Stevenson, Education, and Wellbeing Coordinator for young people’s sexual?health?and wellbeing charity Brook, says: “There is a risk that people with existing body anxieties or low self-esteem might be vulnerable in an environment where people are almost always judged on their image” (Bloodworth, 2018). If gay men desire perfection and if they focus on erraticism, gay men tend to experience loneliness, anxiety, depression especially when they have occasional ‘meaningless’ sexual experiences (Bloodworth, 2018). Quick sex might feel liberating, exciting and satisfactory, but in the end it leaves users with a sense of unhappiness (Bloodworth, 2018).

Mostly, gay men’s anxiety and depression stem from childhood rejection for being gay thus messages from other gay men are particularly appealing but unfortunately, these messages are mostly shallow: “Hey man, cute pic. Looking to ***?” (Turban, 2018). Ultimately Grindr?offers us?more potential lovers than what we could ever need, and this makes people feel hopelessly overwhelmed (Graham, 2018)

Men mostly make use of Grindr when they feel rejected or alone (Turban, 2018). Grinder helps gay men to deal with their loneliness (Theface.com, 2019). For gay men loneliness is very real so they have higher rates of mental health issues, drug use, suicides, and other physical health issues than straight men, and the gay culture also contributes to these issues (Pavlou, 2017) . Conversely, Kim, LaRose, & Peng found (2009) that certain groups of people experienced increased loneliness and isolation due to reliance on social media for social connections. “Grindr offers a distraction, a?temporary balm for anxiety and loneliness, but most Grindr users never examine why they feel those things in the first?place.”(Theface.com, 2019). Grindr users said that they use Grindr mostly when they feel sad, anxious, or lonely as sex distracts them from their painful emotions (Gremore, 2018b).

Individuals stated that after using Grindr they reflected on the shallow conversations and sexually explicit pictures which they have send, and it made them feel even more anxious, more depressed, and it created feelings of isolation as well (Gremore, 2018b). Most people said that they click on Grindr when painful emotional or unbearable feelings arise, but after the hookup guilt arises (Bagnolia, 2019). Extreme guilt has been experienced after wordless sexual encounters (Gremore, 2018b). Grindr gets mostly opened up repetitively in order to sidestep their inner uncomfortable feeling and this is the cause of the vicious cycle of addiction (Bagnolia, 2019). Addiction is seen as both a mental health condition and as an important predictor of good sexual health outcomes (Purdie, 2016). Grindr is addictive as some men find it very hard to stop using it, even when they are in a relationship (Qatareddit, 2014). Even though Grindr provides only a temporary relief from anxiety and depression and even though after casual sex users feel more depressed, more anxious, and even more isolated, they keep coming back for the temporary emotional relief (Turban, 2018). The phrase “addiction” continues to be controversial when it comes to?sex?and?technology, But as?John Pachankis, an LGBTQ mental health expert at the Yale School of Public Health, described the impact of Grindr: “I don’t know if it’s an ‘addiction,’ but I know it causes a lot of distress.” (Turban, 2018). Some Grindr users use Grindr in a healthy and in a positive way therefore not all Grindr users are addicted and depressed (Turban, 2018). “One man I interviewed met his fiancé on Grindr and they are excitedly planning their wedding” (Turban, 2018). “Some I spoke with said they use the app for sex but haven’t suffered any negative consequences and have control over their use” (Turban, 2018).

People’s mental health increases when there is reduced isolation therefore if Grinder can be used as a tool to create connections and friends then Grinder can have a positive impact on gay men’s mental health status. (Purdie, 2016). It is time for the gay culture to find ways on how to preserve their mental health (Pavlou, 2017). There is a clear connection between sexuality, and mental health (Purdie, 2016). “Certain mental health challenges effect libido and sexual desire certain drugs can support/enhance as well as derail/detract from sex; there is a connection between sex and self-esteem” (Kline, 2015).

Therapy can be a great solution for gay men’s addictions as loneliness is the root cause of all addictions (Bagnolia, 2019). Once you can acknowledge that you have a problematic grinder use, you are halfway there (Bagnolia, 2019).?There is limited published guidance on how to help those who are struggling with problematic Grindr use in the health sector (Turban, 2018). Some people are bold enough, in order to delete all dating apps from their phones and to commit to real-life connections (Bagnolia, 2019).?Due to the histories of stigmatization, and criminalization of sex in queer contexts, many gay men are reticent to talk about their sex with health practitioners (Dulai et al. 2015).

Doctors say that they treat problematic Grindr use the same as what they treat sex addiction (Turban, 2018). “Citalopram, a common antidepressant, was shown in one?small study?to be helpful with sex addiction in gay men” (Turban, 2018). Naltrexone is also a drug that gets used to treat compulsive behaviours. (Turban, 2018). Some patients request hormonal implants, which make the sexual cravings less intense as it turns off the testosterone signaling (Turban, 2018). Dr. Shane Kraus, the professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, says that talk therapy techniques like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) help for problematic Grindr use. The psychotherapeutic technique known as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can teach gay men how to tolerate the feeling of being alone without logging on to Grindr. (Turban, 2018).

“The dynamics of Grindr, though, are complicated, and it can take time to work through all the angles. Are you self-soothing anxiety? Are you addicted to sex? Have you lost interest in your monogamous relationship? Do you think you can’t attain love, so you’re settling for hookups? Did your parents tell you being gay is wrong and you’re searching for acceptance? Kraus explains that therapy can help clarify these kinds of thoughts and feelings, and lead to insights that bring about a healthy change”(Turban, 2018).

Limitations / Gaps

It is possible that gay men vary their use patterns over time, perhaps due to seasonality and current relationship status. For example, it is possible that men might be more active on apps during the winter months as they may be more likely to be in their homes, and maybe inactive on Grindr throughout the course of a monogamous relationship. (Goedel and Duncan, 2015). The most noticeable weakness in this study was the lack of other scholarly resources related to the topic.

Future Research and Feasibility:

By conducting longitudinal studies, it can help gay men to understand the impact unhealthy Grindr use has on their mental health. More research is recommended in order to understand the impact Grindr has on gay men’s sexual behavior, identity, and health (Goedel and Duncan, 2015).

?This research is feasible as gay men; counsellors and psychologists may be unaware of how grinder use can help or harm gay men’s mental health. As we continue to fight to bring gay relationships into the mainstream, we need to keep an eye on Grindr and how it both reflects and affects gay culture. (Turban, 2018). Studies should be done for the continued protection and improvement of gay men’s mental health. We have the research tools and the technology in order to track the effect that unhealthy Grindr use has on people’s health. Therefore, it will be feasible to do further research in order help gay men to improve their mental health.

References:

Afshar, M. F. (2019 11). The Psychological Effects of online dating. Retrieved 13, 2020, from https://www.tmrwmagazine.com/features/culture/the-psychological-effects-of-online-dating

Bagnoli, M. (2019, December 2). How Using Grindr Can Lead to Mental Health Problems. Retrieved 13, 2020, from https://medium.com/be-unique/how-using-grindr-can-lead-to-mental-health-problems-9a7be85e78b0

Bloodworth, A. (2019, June 26). Do Grindr and other dating apps affect mental health? Retrieved 13, 2020, from https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/04/18/does-grindr-affect-mental-health-dating-apps-and-mental-health/

Bolding, G., Davis, M., Hart, G., Sherr, L., & Elford, J. (2005). Gay men who look for sex on the Internet: is there more HIV/STI risk with online partners? AIDS, 19(9), 961–968. https://doi.org/10.1097/01.aids.0000171411.84231.f6

Burns, M. N., Ryan, D. T., Garofalo, R., Newcomb, M. E., & Mustanski, B. (2015). Mental Health Disorders in Young Urban Sexual Minority Men. Journal of Adolescent Health, 56(1), 52–58. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2014.07.018

Goedel, W. C., & Duncan, D. T. (2015). Geosocial-Networking App Usage Patterns of Gay, Bisexual, and Other Men Who Have Sex With Men: Survey Among Users of Grindr, A Mobile Dating App. JMIR Public Health and Surveillance, 1(1), e4. https://doi.org/10.2196/publichealth.4353

Gough, B., & Flanders, G. (2009). Celebrating “Obese” Bodies: Gay “Bears” Talk about Weight, Body Image and Health. International Journal of Men’s Health, 8(3), 235–253. https://doi.org/10.3149/jmh.0803.235

Gremore, G. (2015, November 17). Islamophobe Threatens Lebanese Man On Grindr, ‘I’ll Kick Your Ass Back To Iraq’ Retrieved March 13, 2020, from https://www.queerty.com/islamophobe-threatens-lebanese-man-on-grindr-ill-kick-your-ass-back-to-iraq-20151117

Gremore, G. (2018a, January 12). New study confirms what we already knew: Grindr makes everyone miserable. Retrieved 13, 2020, from https://www.queerty.com/new-study-confirms-already-knew-grindr-makes-everyone-miserable-20180115

Gremore, G. (2018b, April 5). Grindr leaves men feeling depressed and dead inside, research finds. Retrieved March 13, 2020, from https://www.queerty.com/grindr-leaves-men-feeling-depressed-dead-inside-research-finds-20180407

Kim, J., LaRose, R., & Peng, W. (2009). Loneliness as the Cause and the Effect of Problematic Internet Use: The Relationship between Internet Use and Psychological Well-Being. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 12(4), 451–455. https://doi.org/10.1089/cpb.2008.0327

Michaels, M. S., Parent, M. C., & Torrey, C. L. (2015). A Minority Stress Model for Suicidal Ideation in Gay Men. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, 46(1), 23–34. https://doi.org/10.1111/sltb.12169

Mess, H. (2018). How Grindr is affecting Gay men’s mental health. Daily. Retrieved from gagadaily.com

Pavlou, A. (2017, October 30). Grindr and Gay Loneliness. Retrieved March 13, 2020, from https://www.34st.com/article/2017/10/grindr-and-gay-loneliness

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Purdie, A. (2016). What are you looking for? The Mental and Social Health impacts of Gay dating and hook-up Apps. (Unpublished Dissertion). University of Seattle Vancouver BC, Canada.

Turban, J. (2018, April 4). We need to talk about how Grindr is affecting gay men’s mental health. Retrieved March 13, 2020, from https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/4/4/17177058/grindr-gay-men-mental-health-psychiatrist

Wortham, J. (2013, March 14). How Grindr Is Changing the Way We Connect. Retrieved March 13, 2020, from https://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/10/how-grindr-is-changing-the-way-we-all-connect

Zane, Z. (2016, May 5). Love in the Time of Grindr and Ghosting. Retrieved March 13, 2020, from https://www.pride.com/firstperson/2016/5/05/love-time-grindr-and-ghosting

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