Grihamedhi, Grihasta and divorce complexities

Srila Prabhupda added some words to the family nomenclature in the four ashramas (stages of life) in Vedic culture:

• Brahmacharya (student life)
• Garhasthya/Grihastha (family life)
• Vanaprastha (retired life)
• Sannyasa (life of renunciation)

Brahmacharya (Student Stage):

• Begins around age 8-12 and lasts until around 25
• Focus on education, studying the Vedas under a guru
• Practice celibacy, simplicity, hard work, and devotion to knowledge

Grihastha (Householder Stage):

• Begins after education, around age 25
• Involves marriage, raising a family, and being an active member of society
• Considered the most important stage socially and economically

Vanaprastha (Retired Stage):

• Begins around age 50
• Gradual withdrawal from worldly affairs
• Focus on spiritual development and serving as an advisor

Sannyasa (Renunciation Stage): can happen anytime but typically around age 60 to end of life

• Final stage of life
• Complete renunciation of worldly attachments
• Sole focus on achieving moksha (spiritual liberation) and love of Godhead

The distinction between Grihamedhi vs Grihastha.

• Grihamedhi: Those focused solely on family life and material comforts, with thousands of questions centered on family matters.
• Grihastha: Householders who maintain family life while cultivating Krishna consciousness, with their main focus on spiritual topics.

Purpose of Grihastha Ashram:

• It's meant for spiritual advancement, not just sense gratification.
• The goal is to develop Krishna consciousness while fulfilling family responsibilities.
• Prabhupada advised using family life to advance spiritually rather than becoming absorbed in materialism.

Prabhupada's view on family life:

• He didn't condemn family life but emphasized its proper utilization for spiritual growth.
• Family life is acceptable if used for advancing in Krishna consciousness.
• The human form of life should include spiritual culture, distinguishing it from animal society.

1. Challenges in Grihastha life:

• Balancing family responsibilities with spiritual practices.
• Immature understanding of social responsibilities, such as excessive visits to parents' homes.
• Difficulty in managing household duties and spiritual practices simultaneously.

1. Advice for successful Grihastha life:

• Focus on Krishna consciousness while fulfilling family duties.
• Use family life as a means for spiritual advancement, not just sense gratification.
• Choose a life partner who can assist in spiritual activities.

Prabhupada advises:

• Focusing on spiritual advancement regardless of marital status.
• Using any life situation, including divorce, as an opportunity for spiritual growth centered around Krishna.
• Avoiding becoming entangled in material complexities and instead centering one's life on Krishna consciousness.

Divorce:

Based on Prabhupada's teachings, divorce was strongly discouraged and essentially forbidden in Vedic culture. Here are the key points:

1. No concept of divorce in Vedic civilization: Prabhupada stated that "There is no such thing in the Vedic civilization, divorce. You must accept whatever God has given you as husband or wife, you must." He emphasized that the idea of divorce was not even considered in Vedic society.
2. Marriage as a lifelong commitment: In Vedic culture, marriage was seen as a sacred union and lifelong commitment. Couples were expected to work through their differences rather than seek separation.
3. Criticism of modern divorce culture: Prabhupada was critical of the modern divorce culture, comparing it to animal behavior. He stated that frequent divorces and remarriages were akin to dogs mating with multiple partners.
4. Focus on spiritual advancement: The purpose of marriage in Vedic culture was to facilitate spiritual growth, not just material or sensual pleasure. Prabhupada advised couples to use their relationship for advancing in Krishna consciousness.
5. Training for harmonious relationships: Prabhupada emphasized the importance of proper training for both men and women to create harmonious households. Women were to be trained to be chaste and faithful, while men were to be educated to become first-class individuals (brahmanas).
6. Dealing with marital conflicts: Rather than resorting to divorce, Prabhupada cited advice from Chanakya Pandita that marital quarrels should not be taken too seriously. He suggested that most conflicts would resolve themselves if given time.
7. Criticism of divorce laws: Prabhupada was critical of modern divorce laws, viewing them as detrimental to family life and social structure. He saw the introduction of divorce laws in India as a negative Western influence.
8. Strong opposition to divorce:

• Prabhupada viewed divorce as unnatural and not part of Vedic culture.
• He stated "There is no such thing in the Vedic civilization, divorce. You must accept whatever God has given you as husband or wife, you must."

9. Emphasis on maintaining marriage:

• Prabhupada encouraged couples to work through difficulties rather than separate.
• He cited Chanakya Pandita's advice that marital quarrels should not be taken too seriously.

On whether Indian laws favor women more in divorce cases:

Some argue that Indian divorce laws are skewed in favor of women:

• Women often get favorable rulings in alimony and asset distribution.
• There are concerns about misuse of laws like Section 498A (anti-dowry law) by some women to harass husbands and in-laws.

Others contend that these laws are necessary to correct power imbalances:

• Indian society traditionally disadvantages women, especially in marriage.
• Women often face difficulties remarrying after divorce and may be considered "damaged goods" by society.
• Laws aim to protect vulnerable women, particularly in rural areas.

Specific issues raised about laws favoring women:

• Alimony payments are seen as unfair by some men, especially when the woman is employed.
• Some claim women use delaying tactics in divorce proceedings to extract larger settlements.

Concerns about misuse of laws:

• There have been cases of urban, educated women misusing laws like 498A as revenge tactics.
• Low conviction rates (around 13%) in 498A cases have led to calls for reform.

Recent changes:

• The Supreme Court of India has directed police to conduct detailed inquiries before making arrests in domestic violence cases, addressing some concerns about misuse.

Societal context:

• Indian society still largely expects women to be homemakers and prioritize family over career.
• Dowry culture and preference for male children persist in many parts of India.

It's important to note that while some laws may appear to favor women on paper, their implementation and societal factors can significantly impact their effectiveness and fairness in practice.

American divorce laws:

Equitable distribution in most states:

• The majority of U.S. states follow "equitable distribution" principles for dividing assets in divorce.
• This aims for a fair, not necessarily equal, division based on various factors like each spouse's economic circumstances, contributions to the marriage, etc.
• The law itself does not discriminate by gender .

Community property states:

• A small number of states (including California and Texas) are "community property" states.
• In these states, property acquired during marriage is generally divided equally .

Gender-neutral laws:

• Divorce laws are written to be gender-neutral and do not explicitly favor either men or women
• Historically, some divorce restrictions were motivated by discriminatory views about women's roles and capabilities .
• Modern laws have moved away from these historical biases.

Practical outcomes:

• In practice, women may sometimes receive more favorable outcomes in areas like alimony or asset distribution.
• This is often due to societal factors (e.g., women more likely to be primary caregivers or have lower earning potential after divorce) rather than biased laws .

While the practical outcomes of divorce may sometimes appear to favor women, this is not due to explicitly biased laws. Rather, it often reflects broader societal factors and judges' attempts to make equitable decisions based on each spouse's circumstances.

Challenges for Divorced Women:

• Prabhupada emphasized that women should be married and that men should take responsibility for their wives and children. He believed that the disruption of this structure leads to social problems and burdens on the government. Prabhupada acknowledged that divorced women often face difficulties, including financial instability and societal challenges. He suggested that the ideal solution is for women to be protected and supported by their husbands to avoid challenges

These are real case studies however no PII is shared here.

Case Study 1:

A women gave her life up because husband "apparently had an affair". The husband married 6 months after she passed away - no solution

Case study 2:

A women filed for a expensive and lenghty divorce because "husband was having an affair" The women's financial positioned weakened significantly later and more likely would have been better if she stayed in marriage

Case study 3:

A man runs away from family because "too difficult to maintain". The family recovered after some years and did not worry much about the runaway man.

Case study 4:

A women divorced her husband due to "lack of compatibility" only to find other men were interested in her for temporary relationships. Nothing achieved!

Conclusion:

Prabhupada taught that divorce was not part of Vedic culture and strongly advocated for preserving marriages as lifelong commitments focused on spiritual growth and mutual support. Prabhupada emphasized the importance of using family life as a means for spiritual advancement rather than becoming overly absorbed in material affairs. He encouraged devotees to be grihasthas (spiritually-minded householders) rather than grihamedhi (materially-absorbed householders), regardless of their specific family circumstances. Let the man work hard to maintain the household. The women can focus of spiritual progress and liberation even if the husband is doing hanky-panky on the side. This arrangement is still better than breaking the marriage and struggling in other ways.