Grieving the Loss of What Wasn’t..
Candice Van Dertholen
Holistic Wellness Educator | Book Me For 1:1 & Team Sessions | Military Spouse | Domestic Violence Recovery Advocate
It is Friday once again. Earlier this week I spoke about this idea. I was in conversation talking about life experiences. It led me to think about how we all have moments in life when we wonder what if it had been different. This thought of “grieving the loss of what wasn’t” crossed my mind. As you know, I study human behavior, our brain, and the energy we create as a result of processing life.
If we dwell on the "what ifs" and the "could have beens,” endlessly ruminating over life’s moments, it creates a sense of loss over something we never had to begin with. We don’t know whether life would have been better or worse if things had been different- so is it worth giving the energy to it?
If we are not careful, these feelings can prevent us from fully engaging with the present moment. We may lack appreciation of the blessings and opportunities that surround us. To me, this is why self-reflection is a vital part of healing- the more we understand about ourselves, the more we start to live fully in life.
While I am not suggesting we discredit the feelings we carry,? I ask we become more curious. What specifically is it that you desired out of this life experience? What feelings have you carried with you about this? Find the deeper, rooted connection to break the cycle of any disappointment or disparity. It’s through creating space that you become free of the hindsight rumination. You can instead make plans for what to do about it.?
By creating space for self-reflection, we begin to rebuild and reconnect within. It's important to remember that healing is a journey, and it may require multiple iterations of this process. Be patient with yourself and trust that each step you take brings you to the next phase of being you.
As you reflect on your own experiences, consider taking a moment to explore any unresolved energy that may be present in your life. Have you given yourself the space and permission to work through this?
Until next week, have a beautiful day. Candice
Journal Prompts:
1. What specific life experience or moment have I been ruminating on, and what feelings do I associate with it?
2. If things had been different, what outcome did I desire from this experience, and why was it important to me?
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3. How has holding onto these feelings affected my ability to appreciate the present moment and the blessings in my life?
4. What deeper, rooted connection can I identify within myself that may be contributing to this cycle?
5. What steps can I take to create space for healing and reconnect with myself, and how can I be patient with myself throughout this journey?
Affirmations:
1. I acknowledge my feelings about past experiences and give myself permission to process them.
2. I release the energy of "what ifs" and "could have beens," and focus on the present moment.
3. I trust that every experience, whether positive or negative, has contributed to my personal growth and led me to where I am today.
4. I am grateful for the blessings and opportunities in my life, and I choose to appreciate them fully.
5. I am on a journey of healing and self-discovery, connecting with what I desire for this life ahead.
"The healing journey is a path of self-discovery and understanding. It requires strength to face our vulnerabilities, courage to confront our fears, and wisdom to learn from our experiences. As we navigate through the challenges and triumphs, we uncover the resilience within ourselves and the power of our own transformation. Through this process, we gain a deeper understanding of our authentic selves within the world around us. Finding the strength to embrace our past, live fully in the present, and create a brighter future." The Warrior Within Healing