Grieving a Loss of a Colleague

This week, a person very impactful to my wife in her career tragically lost her life. Social media, online media and broadcast news will profile this tragedy and extract value as we’ve all come to expect or desire. Family will grieve with depths of pain no one outside of family will understand but will demand privacy.? What about those who worked for her, supported her, were inspired by her, believed in her?? The desire to grieve the loss of a beloved co-worker or boss is not insignificant but how to do this respectfully and meet the need of one’s core pain of loss?

A tragic or unexpected and deeply personal loss of a beloved co-worker or leader is incredibly impactful to all those within their sphere and to the company as a whole.? Leading companies, companies who pursue growth and delivery choose people who make things happen, empower people who cannot stand by while life happens.? These very same people need something to grab hold of; something to focus on to express their feelings, vent their anger of the loss or vow to seek justice when tragedies happen.? These are human traits that cannot be ignored while pushing the company or project agenda.? Seeking understanding, justice and closure so that those driven individuals may continue to do their best should not be dismissed.? All of us need to mourn, heal and move on with closure if not enhanced understanding.? No one can teach this in school.? Companies fear sending information too early which is later proved to be false, build hope that is already known to be gone, fear backlash or ridicule of the brand if the response does not resonate.? What is the right response?

There are more than a few leading lights in industry who avoid social media.? There are so many more reasons to avoid public exposure than to embrace. When you find a dear colleage or leader has passed and wish to express how impactful s/he has been, social media is a natural place these days to express your feelings of loss and how much the person has impacted your life.? How can you release those feelings when the beloved team member has shunned social media or the company is being cautious on details or not developing plans to encourage public outpouring of emotion and closure?? How can colleagues and leaders cope with such raw emotions, balancing “soft skills” while maintaining focus on business objectives.

• Companies can establish a virtual public place to express feelings.? With all the collaboration tools we have today to conduct remote meetings, a virtual space for comments, acknowledgements or celebrations of a life well led, companies can easily create a virtual space to be shared with survivors, loved ones and friends.? Some moderation is ok to the extent of reducing rumor and/or conspiracies.
• The affected teams senior leadership should cancel or purge all meetings that involved the victim.? Daily or weekly meetings suddenly cancelled when someone realizes it involves the victim are stark reminders with lasting effects every time it happens.
• Companies may create a small symbol; a bench, plaque, named meeting space, matched charitable contribution or even a one-off day of remembrance soon after conclusion of the official bereavement.
• Team leaders, managers or executives can host a “reflection circle” one or more times during the ensuing few weeks where everyone on the team has an uninterrupted opportunity to acknowledge the loss and share how the person impacted their lives and/or careers and what it means to their motivations or fears.

This approach is incredibly raw and may not sit well with leaders and coworkers who are unaccustomed to unfiltered emotions or disruptions.? Many leaders will have no idea as to what to say or how to act during these times.? It is not that they lack empathy for those suffering but may lack skills and confidence to support those most in need to share.? DEI and/or HR departments should proactively guide and encourage openness of what most if not all are feeling at the loss. Closure is so similar to a band-aid on a knee scrape...it brings a sense of care and protection.

There are significant numbers of sites on the internet which address this topic in a professional way, so research will help.? So many of us have faced this in our careers that there are many resources for help to which we should all be open to research.?

Companies must recognize that teams have a life of their own, a coherence, a sense of mission that can be shattered in a blink of an eye. The willingness to put aside priorities and correctness to facilitate grieving, venting, reflection and healing is the secret weapon in putting people first to sustain and facilitate growth while not forgetting those who helped reach the shores of the next adventure.