Grief at work?

As a certified death doula and a trained mental health and wellness guide, I spend a lot of time thinking about and working with people who are swimming in grief. It is some of the most nourishing work that I do.

And while most of that work is related to the death of a loved one or one's own mortality, I have found myself wondering about the effect that grief has on the workplace, on the environment that people spend so much of their time in.

Simply reflecting on my own experiences, having spent more than 25 years in various corporate environments, I can honestly say that I do not remember the word Grief being said at all, unless it was in a hushed tone, at the water cooler, speaking about how a colleague was "clearly overwhelmed by grief following the loss of their mother / father / brother / sister, etc"...

But this reductionist view of grief does not give it the full attention, and reach, that it deserves. Grief, in fact, can express itself in far more ways than we imagine, and may have absolutely nothing to do with the death of anyone.

We might grieve the end of a friendship, or relationship.

We can grieve the sale of a home.

Any significant, to that person, change in the way we see and experience the world can lead us to grieve.

We also might find ourselves grieving about the departure of a colleague or mentor at work, the shift in our role within the organization, the merger of our company with another...

But here we find something curious... when in these latter environments, we tend to avoid using "grief" to speak of these things. We opt for words like "transition", and lean into practices linked to "change management".

And for the most part, there is very little space actually given to what was, with the focus almost entirely going to adjusting to what is, and what will be going forward.

Which is a huge missed opportunity. Because these shifts are also the same moments where we see the largest increase in sick days, not to mention turnover of staff.

The "full speed ahead" towards the future can create a rift between the individual and their work that leaves them feeling unseen, unheard, and in need of a change.

If there is no clear speaking to the grief, they simply lean into avoidance and look for ways to get out, temporarily or permanently.

Can leadership and the organizations they are responsible do anything about this? Absolutely. And really, they have no choice because, the way things are going, unaddressed grief is only going to become more a challenge.

At least when everyone was in the same office, grief was indirectly addressed in a healthy way through that water-cooler talk. Or a visit to your HR professional.

Today, with so much happening virtually, strong relationships are rare, and the opportunity to drop in for a meaningful conversation is almost nil.

So, what can we do?

First, employees at all levels should work to become what I call "grief literate". This is about learning what grief might look like. Because the fact is, most of us are illiterate when it comes to grief.

We associate grief with sadness, mistaking them synonyms.

Grief, as a starting point, is not an emotion. It is something you do.

Grieving can includes tears, of course. But it can also include anger, frustration, laughter, impatience, anxiety... and more.

The colleague who suddenly snaps at colleagues for minor transgressions? It might just be a bad day, and it might be grief...

The colleague who is unable to focus and complete work assignments as they bounce around the office? It might just be busyness, and it might be grief...

What is important here is to be able to put what is being expressed in contrast to normal behaviors that the individual has demonstrated.

The next piece is to create a culture where speaking openly about grief is welcomed. The CEO using the word Grief when they speak about the cutbacks that are coming. The marketing executive expressing Grief about the campaign that failed miserably. The sales executive Grieving the loss of a major client.

Embracing the use of the word gives permission for others to not only feel it, but express it, as well.

A simple, "final" (really, there is much more, but for the sake of this article, we will end here) is to put a program or protocol in place for Grief to be addressed. Whether led by HR or within departments, creating clear and simple ways for employees to express and navigate their grief can not only help to avoid unnecessary conflict, but can create a sense of belonging and connection with the organization that deepens loyalty, increases productivity, and enhances corporate culture across the organization.

All this, simply by allowing one of the most human experiences - Grieving, to have a brave space to enter our work lives. And when that happens, the overflow nourishes our families, and our communities, as well.

Sounds like a win-win-win-win-win-win-win scenario to me, wouldn't you agree?

Ready to bring Grief to your workplace? Let's talk!

Paul is the founder of Living Wisdom, which invites those he works with to join him on a journey that is truly unique, one that explores the foundations of our lived experience and wonders what might be possible if we engaged them through a different way of being.