The grief which is healing!

B``H

A few years ago I met a traditional Jew in the city of Caesarea. He

was showing me around one of his flats that we were

considering renting for a short family vacation. He had recently retired

and owned a few vacation homes in the area. Then suddenly he

said, "I see that you are an orthodox Jew so let me show you one

property that I am sure you will like. As we were driving to see the

property, he proceeded to tell me a personal story of his.

He himself grew up in a modern orthodox Jewish home and during his army service met his wife who was raised 

"traditional". They got married and decided to raise their three children as

traditional Jews. However, they had one daughter that became completely anti-religious. She rebelled at every chance she could. My relationship with her just kept getting progressively worse.

By the time she was ready to study at University, she chose to attend one of the most anti-religious colleges in Israel. Even though it bothered me, I did not lose much

sleepover it. 

On Friday morning she calls us to let us know that she

is bringing her boyfriend home with her for the weekend.

My wife and I were so excited to hear that she suddenly had a serious

relationship. So there we were Friday afternoon and my

daughter and her boyfriend show up at the house. This guy had a huge ponytail and

dressed all hippie style. After we got through the welcoming chit

chat, I politely apologized that although I would have loved to continue chatting, I did not want to be late to Friday night prayers. Upon saying those words, I immediately caught sight of my daughter's sneer. Suddenly the boyfriend pipes up and says

"Sounds cool, I was never in a real synagogue, maybe I'll come with you".

At this point, my daughter became livid as her sneer graduated to an "I am going to kill you with my bare hands" look on her face.

So off we went to the Friday night prayers. When we arrived at our synagogue, the

congregants were very warm to my guest although I could tell that he

knew absolutely nothing about praying. My friends and I assisted

him for the duration of the prayers and when they were over we walked back home for our

traditional meal. Seems like a nice enough guy, I thought to

myself, she could have done a lot worse.

The next morning at 8 am I hear a persistent knocking on my

bedroom door. I ask myself who could possibly be knocking on my door this early

on a Saturday morning?. I open the door and Lo and Behold there is the boyfriend all

dressed and ready to go out. I looked at him and said, "what is wrong are you

leaving already?" He looked at me all confused. Yesterday in the

synagogue, he said matter of factly, they said that morning prayers start at 8 am. I could not believe my ears. Oh

so sorry I forgot to tell you, I responded, no need to go to any more prayers we

only do the Friday night thing. Go back to bed and get some sleep.

Five minutes later my daughter bashes open my bedroom door

and yells "Dad! Go with him. He wants to go back to the synagogue.

Please do not mess this up like everything else you messed up in

my life." So, sure enough, I begrudgingly went to prayers that morning and

afternoon. 

 Three months later this guy is still coming over every single weekend. It's now Tisha B'av and he is busy asking many questions and reading all the materials regarding his newly found Holiday.

The next thing I know while reading the Kinnus, the entire

synagogue is taken aback with the most emotional wailing and

crying coming from my daughter’s boyfriend. All the congregants

ask me to go over and see if everything is ok. Perhaps something terrible just happened or he is

grieving over a loved one. As I walk over to where he is sitting the wailing becomes louder and even more emotional. As I approach, I see

his face covered with tears sighing the words over and over ????

???? ???. The Holy Temple is destroyed; burned down and the holy city of

Jerusalem is desolate. We were all embarrassed of ourselves how this boy was able to tap into such earnest grief over the temple

and the rest of us were all numb.

It turned out that his passion for the truth was so strong that it swept up

my daughter and together they returned to an extremely devoted

lifestyle. I happily gave my blessing to their marriage especially after

revealing to me that we shared the same direct ancestor; the holy

Chozah of Lublin. (Yaakov Yitzchak HaLevi Horowitz: known as " the Seer

of Lublin (1745 - August 15, 1815).

Chasidus teaches us that only through developing a real and deep

relationship with Hashem can one properly access our emotions.

Our daily emotions are synthetic compared to the real emotions

of Awe and Love of Hashem.

May we all see the rebuilding of the Bais Hamikdash speedily in our

days.

Yitzchak Friedman