Grief with No Pause: How Society Forces Men to Grieve on the Go

To explore this issue, I’ll introduce the case of Mr. A, whose identity will remain confidential out of respect for his privacy—a man who is not just a father, but also a husband, brother, and individual managing?the weight of grief.

In December 2024,?Mr.?A lost his wife to a death he deemed avoidable. They had 2 cars but she had chosen?to take the?public transportation?to save fuel?and let Mr. A drive the car that consumed less fuel,?he wasn’t comfortable with the decision but the price of fuel at that time was alarming ?and almost unaffordable. On her way back from work she fell?victim to a violent kidnapping and murder.?Mr. A is automatically now left?to care for their three children.?His grief??intensified.?To make matters worse, he was overwhelmed with guilt and self-blame, convinced that he should have insisted she take the other car and found a way to cover the fuel cost.

?During the first two weeks?of her death, he would wake up at night, ?asking those around him to check the bedroom, believing his wife was there. The mental toll of his grief was clear, Mr. A?was losing his mind.

But Mr. A?isn't just a grieving husband,?he?is?also?a father and ?an office worker, 2 roles role that demanded his attention immediately.

Now, here’s the problem. Societal norms have long dictated that men should embody strength and stoicism,?and at most cases this is at the?expense of their mental and emotional well-being. From a young age, boys are conditioned to suppress their emotions, hearing phrases like “boys don’t cry”?or “man up”?whenever they express sadness or vulnerability. This expectation follows them into adulthood, reinforcing the idea that showing grief, fear, or emotional distress is a sign of weakness.

I told Mr. A’s story to a male friend and I got back the exact response society gives, almost like it was automated. He said “Well, he has to man up quickly ?because men don’t cry.” That response triggered me to carry out my research on men’s bio features and it came to a conclusion that biologically, men are fully capable of crying and feeling emotions?just like women. The idea that men are naturally less emotional is a societal construct, not a biological fact.??

What the Numbers Reveal About Men and Depression

Statistically,?Over 6 million men suffer from depression per year, but male depression often goes underdiagnosed.?Nearly 1 in 10 men experience depression or anxiety but less than half receive treatment and more than 4 times as many men as women die by suicide every year. These unspoken societal rules?discourage them from expressing grief or seeking help after a loss, making it harder for them to heal properly.?

Surprisingly or not, grief leave, often called bereavement leave, does exist in many workplaces, and?it is significantly shorter and less standardized?compared to maternity leave. While maternity leave can last weeks or even months, bereavement leave is typically only a few days—usually between 3 to 5 days, depending on company policies in different countries. This period is usually to fill up funeral arrangements?and if you are an African, it’s a time to gather enough finances to throw a party for the dead depending on the age and nature of the death.

The Effects of Suppressed Grief on Mental Health?in the workplace

According?to?research, a significant portion of employees report a negative impact on their work performance due to grief, with studies showing that around 47% of employees state their performance was negatively affected following a bereavement, often experiencing decreased productivity, difficulty concentrating, and increased errors. But with all these information, an on going task must keep going on or one might risk losing the project or their job and this is birthed from the statement?-the world does not pauses for anyone or anything-. The effects are numerous but I have limited my research to;

1.Depression

Grief and depression are deeply connected, but when men are forced to “move on” without properly grieving, they risk developing long-term depressive symptoms. Suppressed grief can leave a person feeling persistently sad, emotionally empty, and unable to find joy in things they once loved. Many experience chronic fatigue, a lack of motivation?at work, or even guilt and self-blame over the loss?just like the case of Mr. A. In extreme cases, unprocessed grief can lead to suicidal thoughts. Because men are conditioned to stay strong and avoid showing vulnerability, they most times?detach emotionally, leading to a profound sense of numbness and disconnection from ?life.

2. Anxiety

Unresolved grief can trigger high levels of anxiety, making men feel constantly on edge, restless, or fearful about the future. Those struggling with grief-related anxiety could?experience racing thoughts, panic attacks, or overwhelming feelings of dread. Sleep becomes difficult?in turn affecting work productivity,?relaxation feels impossible, and they may find themselves irritated over small things. Many grieving men also develop an intense fear of losing another loved one, making them overly protective or withdrawn. When grief is suppressed, the brain perceives it as an ongoing threat, keeping the body in a constant state of stress. Instead of allowing emotions to flow naturally, they remain trapped, leading to a cycle of fear and restlessness.

3. PTSD

If grief is linked to a traumatic event—such as witnessing a violent death or losing someone suddenly—it can develop into Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In such cases, men may experience flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts?that force them to relive the pain repeatedly. They may start avoiding places, people, or memories that remind them of the deceased, shutting down emotionally to protect themselves.?Without an outlet for grief, the mind and body remain in a state of distress, preventing true healing and leading to long-term emotional instability. For some men that spend 9 to 10 hours at work, these feelings and outburst is almost unavoidable in the work place.

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The Challenge of Grieving While Parenting

Losing a loved one is devastating, but when a parent is grieving, the pain is compounded by the responsibility of caring for their children. ?For Mr. A, his last child is about 5 years old and knows nothing about his mother’s death, in fact, on my last visit, he was playing around with some other children whose parents came to comfort his father. He had no idea that his father was going through the worst seasons of his life. Unlike others who may have the space to process their emotions freely, grieving parents don’t get a break from parenting—they must balance their own sorrow while ensuring their children feel safe, supported, and loved.

One of the biggest challenges is the emotional contradiction?they face. While they may want to cry, withdraw, or even shut down, their children still need them to be present. They have to comfort their kids, answer difficult questions, and maintain a sense of stability, even when they feel anything but stable themselves. The pressure to be “strong” for their children often forces grieving parents to suppress their emotions, leaving them to grieve in silence or not at all.

Parenting through grief also comes with physical and mental exhaustion. The daily demands of raising children—cooking, school runs, bedtime routines—continue, even when the parent is emotionally drained. This can lead to burnout, depression, and prolonged grief?because there’s no room to fully process the loss.

Moving Forward

If there is any?time to break the cycle and teach the next generation that men can grieve too—without shame, without judgment, its now. Society has told men to “be strong” and keep their emotions in check, but that mindset only creates more pain. We need to start having real conversations about grief, masculinity, and emotional well-being, so men don’t feel like they have to suffer in silence. It’s not just about changing attitudes we need real action too. Policies like better bereavement leave and improved mental health resources can make a huge difference. But beyond that, men need to know it’s okay to seek help, build support networks, and actually process their grief instead of burying it. Healing isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s the strongest thing a person can do.

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