Grief Is Not Forever

Grief assaults our senses, our lives are disrupted, and our emotions hit a wall of calamity. Insanity visits for a time.

Sorrow infiltrates our being. Negative thoughts consume us.

We lose a sense when life was good. Sadness prevails with TBIs.

Oft times we look around for reminders of the goodness in life.

These Grief moments take time to turn around; often it seems the loss will never change for those who have TBIs. It takes a form of death, which seems insurmountable.

Time ticks away.

The sun comes out, yet the stormy clouds seem to be our focus. The darkness is a veil which cloaks our very essence. The dagger is ready to plunge us into oblivion. Or maybe it has taken us to the darkest corners of suicidal intention.

I have been asked many times, “how did you recover from 11 TBIs and several major surgeries? All I can say is, “it was difficult and complicated, I am wiser now and live Freely.”

For each person this will be a different path, with similarities.

The pain – the woeful anguish of loss of self, loss of personal life, loss of function, lend no explanation or logic; where did it all go? You Live Deep Inside yourself!

One man with a TBI shouted; “I am a prisoner in my brain and I cannot find the doorway out.”

Outsiders, will never comprehend the post-concussive symptoms that plague a person with a TBI.

It feels like scrambled egg-brains. It is!

Sensations: the brain experiences a dingy swooshing-sensation inside your skull, and there is brain-pain! We have our own vernacular. We are told the brain does not feel. The Brain does feel a plethora of odd sensations. Vestibular damage will affect visual, hearing, balance at times; hallucinations, audible, sight, tastes or other senses.

Often, an individual will accomplish a task with great finesse, then comes a simple question and due to fatigue gone unnoticed, a panic attack ensues. The sorrowful torment returns.

How do we come to grips with loss of ourselves due to TBIs constant battering of our lives, Night and Day?

First, be honest with yourself and trust you can recover, each day and night presents new opportunities.

Get to know your fatigue levels!

This will help reduce The Rage disposition, that comes from extreme frustration and the loss due to TBIs.

Symptoms to understand:

• Brain fatigue
• Body fatigue
• Emotional fatigue
• People and social fatigue

Try your best in explaining to others your needs. Work with others so they can help. Allow them the time to understand the anguish you find debilitating.

Collaboration is the key here. They will never completely comprehend the misery, give them a chance to assist you.

• Understand your emotional triggers, remember you can step away.
• Find a restful quiet place – watch clouds off in the distance!
• Rehearse a comfortable statement to avoid an emotional downward spiral. Such as, when in engaged in a conversation, you feel the emotions building, simply excuse yourself for a few moments.
• Find a really good knowledgeable therapist who understands TBIs; don’t settle for less in this area!
• People need to hear explanations for what they do not understand or have experienced. Establish boundaries around sharing, making sure the person and moments are appropriate
• Tolerance will be your mighty sword and friend
• Adaptation and Resilience is a skill, learn it, use it.
• Get your rest, sleep, quiet time. The brain must heal! You want Freedom

Loss of friends and family members due to TBI injuries are a high mortality rate. I personally lost every friend I had. They could not understand why I was not the unconquerable person they knew; I knew! Adaptation is my second skin as a military child. 

Perfect time to learn during loss. Your world has changed and you will be required to adapt. 

Don’t give up! Rest instead!

Examples: You can’t remember the person’s name you have known for years. Your brain hurts. You got lost in the grocery store. Is that your dog in a stranger’s car? Your driving to work and forget how to get there. Your lost in what use to be the most familiar places. Remember, pull your car off the road and quietly figure out.

A flicker of a conversation clicks in your head and you forgot to say an important sentence. Write it down and call the person. Colourful Post Its are your best friend, with pens all around the car, home and office.

The wiring of the brain can be corrected, it’s a wondrous universe. Accommodate yourself. Remember you have a injury, and you are still yourself inside. There is another life ahead.

• Give yourself room to recover and Know you can recover that person who lives inside.
• When traveling anywhere, have the address written down on a Post It with phone number
• Injuries heal, give yourself time.

Most important, have faith in yourself and your abilities. Your brain is a powerful, uncharted universe. Observe your thoughts and emotions, you can change your behavior. This changes the brain’s function, adding neurogenisis – neuronal pathways are developing.

You hold your future in your hands. Your life will change, as all life does continuously. You are on an adventure finding your life. Know you Can be the person you want to be; keep focused on that preferred outcome. Go tell the clouds, the sky and the birds and eagles you are coming back, reclaim yourself.

The Grief then abates to confidence.

Please comment or ask questions in comment areas, this gives an opportunity for others to learn and grow. Thank you

About the Author. MicheleElys is a Behaviorist – Writer - Speaker- Innovative Behavior & TBI Recovery Solutions - Reluctant French Chef - Equine Devotee.

Dedicated to Behavioral Solutions for the betterment of life. 

Connect with her on LinkedIn, G+, Twitter, if you want to know more about MicheleElys and some ideas and solutions, ask her to speak at your next forum. 

Be Yourself ~ Blend Out! ? MicheleElys: All Rights Reserved