GRIEF BEYOND WORDS......

"Grief Beyond Words!!"

On Wednesday 12th of January last, news broke that 23-year-old school teacher, Ashling Murphy, had been murdered while out on a run along Fiona's Canal Way in Co. Offaly. Since then, all our hearts and souls have been so low. Like everybody else, I am heartbroken by the depraved evil killing of such a beautiful young woman.?Having experienced the horrific, senseless loss of my young niece Aoife in recent times I know this nightmare firsthand and not one you want visited on any person, especially parents.?I have been trying to find the right words to write about Ashling but the truth is, none are worthy of such a loving person. Her family and community are in mourning, and Ireland has rarely seen a darker, more horrible day. Not only was Ashling's life taken so cruelly but the tragic loss will impact on the lives of her family for ever more.?I want to offer my sincere condolences to her parents Ray and Kathleen, her family and the wider community to which she gave so much of herself. I also want to say how sad and upset I am for her little first class pupils and teaching colleagues in Scoil Naomh Colmcille National School in Durrow,?who will have to come to terms with the senseless loss of their vibrant, caring and inspiring young teacher.?I know the people will unite in compassion and sympathy with Ashling’s family, and support them in any and every way they can.?The candlelight vigils for Ashling all around our country and parts of our world over the past week and the huge crowd at her funeral is already a testimony to them?that we will .

Beyond Heartbreaking

The idea that a young woman out for a run could meet such a horrific fate, is dreadful. However, in the aftermath of this shock, it is imperative that we all stand up for our rights and, in particular, the rights of women and girls in our society so that going for a run or a walk at any time, can be done without fear or dread.?Our country must stand up for freedom of movement, sanctity of life and safety for all and especially for all women and girls.?We must not retreat into teaching women and girls that they should moderate their behaviour for their own safety or?into telling them to download safety apps or to change their routines and routes, to never walk alone, to keep their keys between their knuckles, to do this or that or any of the other stuff that they have been doing and have had to do to try and keep safe over the years. They shouldn't have to walk in groups, or need someone to chaperone them, or look over their shoulder, or have to take self defence classes, or feel afraid while alone. To say that this is a problem for just the female population is to miss the point entirely.?It is equally our problem as men because men are the main group of wrongdoers when it comes?to harm or death of?women and girls in?our?country. Actually when it comes to the many crimes in Ireland, men are the main wrongdoers. Male violence against women is at huge proportions and we need to go beyond that acknowledgment and properly address it and put action in place to change it. We must all work together to ensure that safety, for all, is a given.?How can we ensure that real change is now implemented. How can we ensure that any person who feels fear or knows the trauma of violence and hurt has easy access to relevant support.??Conversations have started with great momentum on how women and girls need to be treated so much better, with so much more respect and with loving care but how can we ensure that these conversations turn into meaningful and sustainable action and do not get lost in the passage of time.?So many men and boys are also totally horrified and shocked by what has happened to Ashling. But we need to stand up so much more and call out on the hurt, gaslighting, coercion and violence against women and girls in our homes, in our schools, in our workplaces, on our streets and in our country.

But what will really change?

There will be plenty of narrative, words and prayers offered over the coming weeks, candles lit, speeches given, countless words written and so on. But what will really change? Will this be a seminal watershed moment in our country? What extra funding will be allocated or new laws introduced or new measures taken to ensure that no other family will experience the kind of hurt and unbearable loss the Murphy family are currently experiencing? The truth is, it’s easier to view what happened to women and girls who have been murdered like Ashling Murphy as isolated acts of inhumanity rather than the inevitable result of a society that accepts violence against women as something that is part of life. But what if, instead of spending so much time teaching and telling women and girls to be careful, we taught men and boys to be more gentle and?respectful? We must all now wake up to the fact that violence of any kind against women or girls or indeed against any men or boys whether in domestic or work settings or in public places is simply unacceptable and that those responsible should be removed from society and given lengthy and mandatory prison sentences. Surely the objective is that all females and males make it home safely.??Somebody needs to take charge. I would respectfully ask the Minister for Justice to lead our society in addressing the issues highlighted in the wake of Ashling Murphy's murder and to make it a Government priority to engage all of society in the effort to make this country a safer place and to be visible in our media in outlining the necessary steps we, the citizens,?our communities, and judiciary will take to achieve this going forward.

Men, we need to do better!!

Men and boys need to listen to women and girls. There needs to be an awareness of inappropriate behaviours.?We need to stop commenting on women's and girl's appearances. We need to stop making sexist jokes. We need to stop cat-calling and whistling. We need to stop attacking women and girls. We need to stop hurting women and girls. We need to stop killing women and girls. Ashling Murphy was only going for a run. Women and girls should feel safe walking the streets day or night. Everyone deserves to feel safe. Male violence towards women and girls is the problem as is male violence towards men and boys. As men I feel we need to understand that our presence alone may sometimes be intimidating towards women and girls. I and most men want women and girls to be able to enjoy the?environment they are in without having the burden and stress of considering their own safety. We need to have the courage to critique negative behaviour in each other. We need to make all environments more inclusive and safe for everyone. 244 women have died violently in Ireland since 1996.?The number of near murders in that time is not counted.?Women are not scared to walk home because of women, it's because of men. Women are not scared in the home because of women, it's because of men.?Our community is filled with so many women and girls who want to enjoy the indoors and outdoors everyday. It upsets me to think that they feel frightened and intimidated to do so. It’s not fair and it’s not right! We, as men, need to stop taking it personally, and just listen to the women and girls in our lives. We need to do better!?I pray that everyone, especially all men, will resolve to work hard in ensuring that our wives, our sisters, our daughters and our mothers can always feel safe.??

My deepest condolences to all the Murphy family, friends, colleagues and to everyone who knew Ashling.?The following?is a heartfelt prayer poem I wrote for Ashling;?

"You went for a run"

"You went for a run, like you have always done. After school in the middle of the day. In a place that we all thought was safe and sound, for a peaceful experience, All along Fiona's Tullamore Canal Way. You went for a run like you have always done. To lots of us it was holy ground, Where many people would walk, cycle, run or play. Delving deep into their thoughts, worries, dreams and prayers. You went for a run, like you have always done. With your thoughts, hopes and dreams with much joy, love and music in your heart, mind and soul. After a day at your dream job in Durrow with the little angels of your first class. You went for a run, like you have always done. The big world was your oyster ahead of you, Full of youth, hope, life, beauty and love. Your life was like a rare diamond, Your light shining brightly for all to see, an example of goodness and kindness to so many. You went for a run like you have always done. May heaven be a place where you can now run free and be safe like you should have been allowed here on earth. It's long overdue for something to be done before other hearts break. You went for a run like you have always done. A musician, sportswoman and teacher extraordinaire. An even better daughter, sister, colleague and friend. Millions of tears have been shed for you, Thousands of candles have been lit for you, Hundreds of vigils have been organised for you, Many more prayers have been said for you. You went for a run like you have always done. Your life was an amazing blessing. Your memory is a true real treasure. You were so well thought of and loved beyond words. And you will be sorely missed beyond measure. You went for a run like you have always done. The thoughts of the unbearable heartbreak for your Mammy, Daddy and family at the famous Blueball, Beyond what words can describe. We all mourn beside you and hold you in prayer. May eternal peace be always yours Ashling. We make this prayer through Christ Our Lord. Amen. Rest In Peace Ashling Murphy and may your beautiful soul always live on. Ar dheis Dé go raibh a hanam."