Grief Awareness Week: Having inclusive grief conversations at work

National Grief Awareness Week (2nd to 8th December) is a time to shed stigma and raise awareness of the impact grief and bereavement have on people. This week we’re exploring what this looks like in the workplace.

This latest edition of The Change Maker’s Newsletter has been kindly penned by Faith Holloway , an experienced wellbeing adviser and training facilitator with an expertise in grief and bereavement support. Faith leads the Compassionate Employers programme at Hospice UK , which supports over 100,000 employees through grief, caring, and terminal illness.?

Grief in the workplace

Research tells us we still have a long way to go; Hospice UK found that despite 57% of employees experiencing bereavement in the last five years, only 17% of line managers would feel very confident supporting a bereaved team member. And a study by Child Bereavement UK , one-third of employees who had been bereaved in the past 5 years did not feel they had received a compassionate response from their employer.

Other shocking statistics show just 4% of people who experience grief confide in their colleagues and 3% in their employer or boss, while 23% turn to nobody for support according to MetLife ’s The Last Word report . Could the way in which grief and bereavement are handled or approached at work contribute towards such low numbers?

Employers who do provide compassionate bereavement support have a real opportunity to stand out in the market and build a strong workplace culture, especially if they understand and recognise the nuances of grief amongst employees.

Here are 5 ways you can use National Grief Awareness Week to reflect on inclusive bereavement practices in your workplace:

1. Recognise that not everyone will express their grief at work

It’s important to recognise that everyone will process grief differently, and this may be very different from your expectations or how you would behave yourself in the same situation. While there are some common symptoms of grief, like deep sadness, this can vary from person to person and also depends on the relationship with the person who has died.

Similarly, many factors, like our personality, our culture, or how those closest to us talk about grief, can impact how we express our grief externally. A colleague may be feeling many physical or emotional symptoms of grief but choose not to express this externally at work due to their own personal reasons.

We must respect everyone’s way of grieving, whilst not making assumptions around the extent of someone else’s grief based on our own expectations of what grief looks like. While it’s important to offer the choice to talk about grief or access support to everyone, ultimately this will be up to the individual.

2. Share real stories to challenge stigma

For those who do want to reach out for support, seeing this behaviour modelled by colleagues can give them the confidence they need to share their own story, especially if they have previously not felt comfortable talking about grief.

When we see others talk about their experience, it can eliminate some of the risk and stigma that can often hold people back at work. Reading stories can also help us understand what it feels like to be bereaved and empathise with our colleagues, even if we haven’t experienced bereavement ourselves. For colleagues who have experienced bereavement, reading stories can help them feel less alone and normalise some of the emotions they may be feeling.

Oftentimes, asking a senior leader to share their bereavement story can set a strong precedent and send a message to other colleagues. While this can be helpful in getting the ball rolling, it’s important to gather stories from a range of colleagues too. Think about how you can tell stories for people in all stages of their career and from different demographics and backgrounds to ensure everyone can see themselves represented.

3. Support line managers in practising grief conversations

Many line managers say they’re not sure what to say or do when an employee is bereaved, and as a result, the support they offer may be very dependent on how comfortable they feel personally talking about grief. For those that aren't, they may avoid these conversations entirely. This can create an inconsistent level of support across an organisation and create resentment if employees notice they are receiving less support than their colleagues.?

One of the most impactful ways to support line managers is by providing practical training and frameworks for having sensitive conversations like those about grief. This could include watching videos, using case studies, or having mock conversations and providing constructive feedback.

The more line managers practise these conversations, the less daunting they will become. Ideally, instead of seeing grief conversations as something to be avoided, managers will instead recognise this as a unique opportunity to support their team members and gain valuable career skills too.

Don’t let training be a one-off; think about how you can follow up with managers down the line and how you can provide regular opportunities to develop their conversation and support skills. It may be helpful to have a group of managers who come together to share best practices.

4. Signpost to local support groups

As an employer, you don’t need to have all the answers, and you’re not expected to be a grief specialist. There are many local communities and religious groups that support bereaved people.?

While some employees may be happy to speak to their line manager or your HR team, there are also many specialist organisations and support groups that may be more relevant to your bereaved employee. The Good Grief Trust , for example, which started the National Grief Awareness Week campaign, has a postcode search to find local support, as do many other organisations.

It is often really appreciated if you can take a small task off the bereaved employee's plate, like writing down phone numbers for them or finding out what time a group meets if they ask for support. Have the information somewhere easy to find, and maintain a central bank of resources and organisations for line managers to easily access if needed.

5. Make your bereavement policy inclusive

A key area where the gap between employee needs and employer support is clear is around bereavement policies. On average, most UK workplaces offer 3-5 days of bereavement leave, but it’s just not practical. Additionally, Marie Curie UK found only 1 in 3 employers have a bereavement policy and often these policies aren’t adhered to in practice. Research from Dying Matters found that 39% of people have lied about needing time off due to discomfort around talking about bereavement in the workplace, and over half have used annual leave for bereavement leave.

Employers can make their bereavement policies more inclusive by offering flexibility, for example, by allowing leave to be taken in hours rather than half or full days. This can help employees work around some of the smaller tasks of ‘grief admin’ like taking phone calls or meeting with a lawyer. Many employers also now recognise the importance of not distinguishing between immediate and non-immediate family members, as this doesn’t represent many people's experience in multi-generational or non-traditional household structures.

When in doubt, have a read through your bereavement policy - does it feel compassionate? Would you feel well supported? Are there any gaps or accommodations you could be making to ensure all employees can utilise the policy? Finally - ask for feedback. What do those that have experienced the policy in practice thought about how effective it was?

How Culture Shift can help

When 58% of employees have felt their performance at work was affected by their grief months after the death of a loved one and 43% felt pressured to return to work before they were ready, managers and colleagues need to be mindful of how they support bereaved employees. Actions and words can have a detrimental impact on culture if they are perceived to lack compassion, be inappropriate or out of sync with agreed policies and processes.

In some instances it can be discriminatory to deny an employee the ability to observe religious customs, or to recognise the long-term physical or mental health impacts of grief. We work with organisations to transform cultures so people have the confidence to speak up, closing the feedback loop on the support you’re offering and the real impact it has on your employees.

Summary?

National Grief Awareness Week sheds light on the workplace challenges surrounding grief and bereavement. Despite a significant number of employees experiencing losses, there is still a glaring gap in managerial confidence and employer support.

Employers can rise to this challenge by raising awareness and enhancing their support offer to be more inclusive of all employees' experiences. By recognising differences, sharing stories, and providing more flexible support, employers can help ensure all bereaved employees receive the support they need during this difficult time.

For more information:

• Compassionate Employers Workplace Support at Hospice UK
• The economic impact of grief in the workplace by Sue Ryder
• Wellbeing in the Workplace solutions