Grief After an ADHD Diagnosis

When you or your child receives an ADHD diagnosis, it can hit you like a ton of bricks. Trust me, I've been there both as an ADHD coach and as someone with ADHD myself. It's a life-changing moment, and it's totally normal to feel a whole range of emotions in the aftermath.

Here's the thing that often gets brushed under the rug: grieving is a real and necessary part of coming to terms with an ADHD diagnosis. I'm not just talking about feeling a bit down for a day or two. I'm talking about a full-on grief process, with all the ups and downs that come with it.

You might start off in denial, thinking, "This can't be right. Not me/my child." Then, you might feel angry. Angry at yourself, angry at the doctors who missed it, angry at the world. You might even try to bargain your way out of it, telling yourself that if you just try harder, you can beat this thing.

But here's the hard truth: ADHD isn't something you can just wish away or overcome with sheer willpower. It's a neurodevelopment condition that needs to be properly acknowledged and managed.

That's where the grief comes in. You're not just grieving the diagnosis itself, but the life you thought you'd have, the challenges you've faced without knowing why, and the opportunities you feel you've missed.

And you know what? That's okay. It's more than okay - it's necessary. You need to let yourself feel those feelings, to cry, to rage, to mourn. Because only by moving through that grief can you come out the other side to a place of acceptance.

Now, I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Grief is messy and complicated, and it looks different for everyone. You might think you're done with it, only to have it hit you all over again when you least expect it.

But as someone who's been through it and helped countless others through it, I can tell you this: it does get better. With time, support, and a whole lot of self-compassion, you can get to a place where you're not just accepting your ADHD, but embracing it as part of who you are.

So if you're in the thick of it right now, feeling lost and overwhelmed, just remember: your feelings are valid. This is a process, and you're going to get through it. Reach out for help when you need it, and never be ashamed of your grief.

Because once you've moved through it, you'll be in a much stronger place to start tackling your ADHD head-on. And that's when the real work - and the real growth - begins.

Yours differently,

James