Grey is the new black.

I started noticing the odd strand of grey hair at school assembly when I was just 16. I remember one of the girls sitting behind me was braiding my hair and she pointed out the couple of silver strands on top.

So, I did what my mum and aunties before me had done – I began dyeing my hair, religiously, expensively, every 6-8 weeks for 25 years or more.

Some of it no doubt was hereditary - both my parents went completely white in their mid life and part of it is no doubt been due to stress. Apparently it has been proven that stress can lead the hair to go white, because stress affects the sympathetic nervous system, which goes right to the hair bulge. I certainly had some stressful years about a decade ago so have probably sped up the process somewhat.?

Then one day my hairdresser said to me:

“If you want to keep covering the silver and white then you’re going to have to come in at least every 2-3 weeks, some of my clients even come in weekly for a root touch up.” Every three weeks! Yikes What the?????

Sure I knew I was going grey (ah hem, I like to call it platinum lol) I wasn’t denying it but all this time I said I would never let myself go like my mother chose to do at age 50. I remember thinking at the time it aged her 10 years when she stopped dyeing her hair and why would you ever want to do that.?

And here I am, on the cusp of the big 5-0 thinking I’ll do the same.?

Why? Partly for health (I have been experiencing some health niggles and have been reducing toxins in my life - hair dye is one major toxin). Partly to give a finger up at the youth crazed culture we live in.?

I realised that it wasn’t just my own vanity but societal beauty standards that was keeping me trapped in the hairdressers chair. And then I started toying with the idea of stopping dyeing, which I discussed with my hairdresser. She was fabulous and really supportive talking to me about blending, toning, cutting my longer hair shorter and just gradually reducing colour. Well I stuck with it, and it wasn’t all easy breezy, there were days I felt really confident about it, and other days I looked in the mirror and felt, well old. Today I am about 90% all natural platinum with a little toning and cutting still helping with the transition (oh and let’s not forget the ‘old lady’ purple hair shampoo!).

More 'greyfluencers' on social media

As I toyed with the idea, I started seeing a growing movement online that urges women to embrace their natural hair colour and challenge the societal baggage of going grey meaning you may be passed your used-by date.

At first it was really challenging, I would look in the mirror as the silver and white part in my hair widened and think - oh my gosh I look like my mother (no offence to my late mum). I would check in with my partner and he would say - “I love YOU babe, it doesn’t matter to me the colour of your hair.”

Many friends had different opinions with comments varying from:

“I wish I could be that brave.”

“Oh but you can do it, you have a nice grey colour, I couldn’t.”

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll be overlooked now for work?”

to:

“White haired women are sassy!”

“It makes you look experienced and authoritative, great for leadership work.”

Now we are starting to see more representation on social media and even in clothing models and catalogues, I feel privileged to be able to be part of the changing way we see living long and moving into our wisdom years.

But let's face it - from ‘anti-ageing’ face creams to wisecracking birthday cards about being over the hill, the message is clear: Being old is something to avoid.?

Quite often though, as women we can experience ageism at every age. Earlier in my career, when I was the youngest female Director I received comments such as “junior”, “adding colour and movement to the Board Room” and “young lady.” Now at the boundary of the big 5-0 I’m wondering if the “needing more fresh ideas” that is so commonly reported by mature women will be on the cards. Time will tell. With an increasingly multigenerational workforce, age bias now occurs across the entire career life cycle.

In a recent book by Becca Levy, PhD, a professor of epidemiology at Yale School of Public Health - “Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long and Well You Live”, she took aim at more than a dozen beliefs about getting older.?

“In every case, I found information that not only contradicted the negative stereotype but also highlighted a strength that comes with aging,” Becca said.?

Take the stereotype that people become less creative as they get older. Researching her book, Levy found a host of examples of artists and musicians who became more creative and more generative later in life. In addition she upended the stereotype that all types of cognitive abilities inevitably worsen with age. One study of older adults, in fact, showed they were better than middle-age adults at orienting their attention and ignoring distractions (Veríssimo, J., et al., Nature Human Behaviour, Vol. 6, No. 1, 2022).

In a recent Harvard Business Review open-ended survey, research of 913 women leaders from four United States industries discovered that many women suffered from this “never-right” age bias.?

“While men become wells of wisdom as they age, older women are seen as outdated, harpy, strident,” one physician noted. “Our voices are discounted.” For example, a 61-year-old deputy chief information officer (CIO) was not considered in CIO succession planning. Instead, the current CIO was grooming a male colleague for the role. Another retirement-aged woman added, “I am largely ignored.”

And then there’s always the view, the one that I prefer to focus on, that we create our own reality. Truth is that age diversity in the workplace yields better organisational performance while perceived age discrimination creates lower job satisfaction and engagement. So I am going to err on the side of seeing my wisdom years and my silver strands as advantageous.?

I will be challenging the gendered ageism that hinged on looks or appearance as a function of societal value. The incessant pressure to look young and attractive is something that typically impacts us as women more than men. With all the leadership training I conduct I’ll be sure to address lookism in DEI training.

I’ll also be sharing the benefits of intergenerational, mixed-gender teams and professional collaborations to encourage learning from each other. I’ll be encouraging women to grow their network and connections that would help them develop professionally and for leaders to be intentional in pairing younger women with older mentors and sponsors to aid their learning and career success.

I’ll be speaking and sharing often about the next step for experienced leaders to be training to become steward elders in their organisations and teams. That their wisdom, insights and experience can be more valuable that any latest technology or fad. I’ll be inviting people to be sure to recognise and thank any elders and influencers who have given them sage advice or support over their careers

And, of course, I’ll be wearing my platinum strands in my hair proudly as I am fortunate to be moving increasingly towards my steward eldership years.

What about you??

AJ

Alexandra Joy

P.S. I have a super low priced but high value program that will help you Look better, feel better & live better without the rigid rules and restrictions. Check it out at Leading Self — Alexandra Joy - AJ - The Bush Philosopher