Greener Grass

“Daddy, why’s that horse sticking its head through the fence to eat grass?”

“Oh son, don’t you know, the grass is always sweeter on the other side of the fence.”

I was about seven years old at the time and it bothered me that my horse ruined its beautiful mane by sticking its head through the fence repeatedly to eat clover, lips pursed, reaching as far as it could. 

            At such a na?ve age, I wasn’t sure what to make of his comment. Something in the tone, coupled with his mischievous grin, told me that he was pulling my leg. Like when he told me that I could catch a rabbit in our garden if I put salt on its tail. Turns out that it’s true, yet impossible.

            Dave Matthews’ daddy must have taught him similar lessons because decades later he wrote a song about it. 

Look at this 'Big Eyed' fish,

Swimming in the Sea,

Oh...

How it dreams to be a bird

Swoop'n, divin' through the breeze

So one day,

Caught a big old wave,

Up onto the beach

Now he’s DEAD you see -

Beneath the Sea,

Is where a fish should be...

But oh God,

Under the Weight of Life

Things seem so much Brighter on the Other Side.

            Yesterday, I drove a country road and saw a horse stretching its neck through a fence eating grass. Black and white memories flooded my mind, and then, just like that, Dave Matthews navigated his way through my iPhone playlist, and the words that came pouring out of the speakers, “Look at this ‘Big-Eyed’ fish...”

            I’m not one for coincidence, so two metaphors knocking at the door simultaneously was enough for me. Something was begging to be written. 

            We’re all guilty and I don’t suggest we change. Heck, we’d sooner pour salt on a rabbit’s tail. We post the best parts of our lives on social media. The problem is that others often get the idea that the grass growing in our yard is always greener than theirs. Before you know it, they think if they were a bird, able to swoop and dive, it would solve all their problems. 

            We don’t generally post pictures with tears in our eyes. If we do, they are happy tears. The truth is everyone’s armpits get sweaty and stink. No amount of material wealth stops us from wishing, praying, wanting. We all have our bad days, bad weeks, stresses. Yet, most people are guilty of creating somewhat of a fa?ade with their online presence. The danger is that fish begin to wish they were birds. 

            They’ve given it a name, an acronym, and a Wikipedia entry. It’s called Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), and it seems to really affect young people. It’s a social anxiety created by a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing. I don’t make light of it because it’s a serious concern. It is negatively affecting the psychological health of so many youth today. Relationships are shallow, communication skills are diminished, and they are developing a psychological dependence on the perceived connectedness. Still, for others they grow depressed. Studies indicate that depression is rising rapidly, negatively affecting school performance, work performance, self-esteem, self-worth, even physical health.    

            I love keeping up with friends. It brightens my day to see pictures and video of them having fun, going on vacation, getting married, hunting, playing golf and on and on. Now, some of you need a filter, but that’s another piece of writing all together ;-). Still, we need limits – self-imposed or parent imposed – for social media. We need to have friends over to play games and talk. We need family dinners with no phones at the table. Frankly, we can’t talk to our children enough. Demand quality time and make it fun. Perhaps, as family patriarchs and matriarchs, we should also set a good example. 

            With Love,

            Jimmy