The Greatest Insult of our Time…. According to a Child

Reading. Books. Stories. Language. Words.

They are magical to me. All the languages I will never know---a great sadness.

I read something quite profound many, many years ago. A young child was asked his greatest sadness in life and his response, “That I will only ever see the world through my own eyes.”

That stays with me. I think about it often. For me, a great sadness in my life, is that I will only ever grasp the words and language I know, or that I am able to learn in this life.

One of dear friends, Alin, and I, discuss this, among many things. One day, after a great meal together---I burped. And she said, “Provecho“. I had not heard it before so I excitedly asked what it meant…it translates roughly to English as “Enjoy” and the meaning is “I am glad you are enjoyed it.”

She remarked that the English language probably does not have anything close to it. I said that I thought “Excuse Me” would be the closest. Although, this reflects cultural differences, as well as language, because in English, saying “Excuse Me” implies we have done something inappropriate and rude. Where when Alin said “Provecho”, it was a from a space of meaning and relationship, and came from a place of gratitude. Gratitude to the hands that made the food, the people that shared the food with you. Striking differences, no?

I remember learning how to read. It was magical for me. The symbols began to make sense to me. I can remember the vivid color of the pictures. Dick. Jane.?A puppy. I learned to read from a white dominant culture book. Jane walked behind Dick. Dick told Jane what to do. Jane obeyed. Much like the family I was raised in. I remember a lot, like questioning why people just obeyed. I have always asked many, many questions, even if they were only to myself.

I remember when I grasped words and sentences. The thrill of learning a language. The sense of wonder. The accomplishment I felt. The doors that were opened with this new knowledge.

My mom was my teacher. I had a very isolated, religious upbringing, so my formative years were close to my Mother and those deemed appropriate by my father and the Elders in this religion. ?I was homeschooled for a few years before I entered public school. Chronological time is very challenging for me….trauma and brain wiring due to trauma. Maybe I started in second grade? I am not quite sure. It was a tough transition with bullying, teachers that singled me out, and again, my love of reading.

If someone asks me my greatest friend in life, or my greatest love…it’s always reading.

Books have always been there for me. I remember during summers when all my sisters and I had were library cards and our legs. We would walk to the library daily and get whatever books we could carry. I think we averaged between 7-13 books a day. And no, these were not all small books. We were heavy readers. Two of us still are.

This history, this love, this dedication led to us to a particular book: Mrs Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and Preposterous Words written by Josefa Heifetz Bryne. Actually, I am extra excited right now. I just discovered that Mrs. Bryne published a second book that I was unaware of. I am going to order it today for my birthday present next week. It is called The Indispensable Dictionary of Unusual Words: Over 6,000 Obscure and Preposterous Words to Know, Learn, and Love. Thrilling!

Due to the trauma, abuse, neglect, and overall darkness of the adults, isolation, and loneliness of my upbringing, books provided so much for me.

My vocabulary was ridiculous. I could not always pronounce words correctly, because I was reading them, not hearing them. However, I knew the spelling and meaning, I understood the context.

Looking back on Little Old Me and the adults I was surrounded by…I am particularly aware of how ignorant and sad these adults were, maybe still are. Some stand out to me as being particularly lovely and special, just a few. I remember you. Thank you for taking time to see me and love me, whatever minutes those were, saved me just enough.

Terry Berry. I don’t know where you are right now. I remember you. I still love you and hold you in the most treasured space in my heart. I have a photo of us when I was about 5 that brings me the greatest happiness and peace.

A piece of dealing of with my life and these….adults, was to create “The Greatest Insult of Our Time”. I believe I was around 10 when this happened. Again, time is difficult for me, so do not hold me to it. Using this fabulous dictionary, my love of language, and the need to deal with the absolute depravity of the adults in my life came this insult.

Here it goes:

You are a putrilaminous, pugnacious, pathological, putrefaction of a pig.

Again.

You are a putrilaminous, pugnacious, pathological, putrefaction of a pig.

Sometimes it was followed by my throwing my 10-pound rice stuffed cow at said person. Rarely though. I loved my cow so much. Terry Berry made me this cow. A future letter I feel.

I cannot even find one of these words without her dictionary. I bought my sister a copy for her birthday, so I will have to ask her to look up the spelling for me. You might look for it and be unable to find it. This does not mean it isn’t real. Remember the name of the dictionary it came from.

What an insult. It really was all the indignation, anger, and absolute disgust I felt when I was younger. I rarely use it these days. Now I just break up with people and things and pets. Sometimes this breaking up lasts for seconds, and it is just enough to give myself the space needed to make amends. The children in my life find it absolutely hilarious. They say, “remember when you broke up with uncle?” and they are laughing. I say “I haven’t gotten back together with him yet. I am waiting.” They laugh so hard. They find it so funny. It’s a common thing now. We all break up with each other when we are salty or need some space.

I am glad for this laughter. I am quite a hoot. I make myself laugh all the time. No one finds me as funny as I find myself. My children will grow up with a greatest insult and it is “I am breaking up with you” and that is okay. It is surrounded by and with love. Love of our humanity. Love of making amends with each other. Love of knowing we will make mistakes and we will forgive. Love of this crazy, uncontrollable life.

Warmly,

Aisha