“The Greatest Evil”

Content warning: This post includes information that may be disturbing to some audiences, including references to depression, suicide, and addiction.

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I recently watched the 2018 documentary about Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? and I was struck by something he said:

“Those who would try to make you feel less than who you are, I think that’s the greatest evil.”

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I’ve been discussing ways we can encourage others to appropriately be their authentic selves, so they can feel that they genuinely belong and can contribute to the greatest extent possible, but that statement by Mr. Rogers stopped me cold. It reminded me of why we need to focus on creating a healthy culture in the first place, including at work. Perhaps especially at work.

We’re working to undo generations of excluding and limiting others, of judging and shaming them. We’re striving to overcome the ways others have excluded, limited, judged, and shamed us.

When we feel somehow less, there are predictable psychological and physical consequences. We expend energy trying to conceal the thoughts and feelings that make us different or “bad,” leading us to feel alienated or lonely. We work to change or conform to others’ expectations, only to inevitably fail. Our self-esteem is impacted, and we may view ourselves as fundamentally flawed. We dismiss our creativity and keep our ideas and opinions to ourselves.

We’re at greater risk for feelings of anxiety and depression, as well as addiction, suicidal ideation, and suicidal acts.

Our physical health suffers, too, since our bodies respond to the experience of rejection by releasing stress hormones. Over time, that can result in chronic inflammation, weight gain, circulatory conditions, heart disease, and impaired immune functioning.

Who do I limit?

It’s easy for me to identify examples of others excluding, limiting, judging, and shaming groups of people. Transgender individuals seem to be the most frequently targeted in our current political climate, although People of Color and members of certain religious communities are perennial scapegoats. Given my work in the disability sector, I’m regularly reminded of the limits people with disabilities face on an everyday basis, too.

I’m also quick to think of those who’ve made me feel less than I am.

But, as with every form of systemic oppression – for that’s what I think this really is, oppression – none of us are immune. The system is sustained by the millions of tiny ways we each participate in it, and that’s doubly true for those of us who are on the privileged end of the spectrum.

Sometimes I realize after the fact that I’ve acted in a way that makes another person feel less than they are: I’ve recently caught myself making statements that I considered racially insensitive microaggressions for which I felt a need to apologize, for example, and I frequently slip when it comes to using others’ preferred pronouns.

Those examples are easy to admit, though, since they reflect innocent mistakes that are a product of the biased system within which I grew up. I will always have to work to overcome the internalized sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism that was the accepted norm during my childhood.

It’s harder to identify and admit the ways in which I feel that my judgments and exclusion are somehow justified, with the people whom I fundamentally see as truly lesser. But isn’t that how every prejudice flourishes? “I treat everyone with the respect they deserve, except those who don’t deserve respect.”

Although I know I act like that at times, I hate to admit it since it violates my basic belief that every individual inherently deserves to be treated with dignity.

It's often a joke that people who are tolerant judge the intolerant harshly, but it’s also true. I have difficulty treating others who express bigoted ideas with dignity. My initial response to people who reject science is often mocking, as is my reaction to people who use logical fallacies to support their opinions. Although I have friends on both sides of the current political spectrum, I struggle to even listen to those who embrace what I consider authoritarianism.

And then there are the people I just dislike, usually because of some perceived slight or wrong. There are people I dismiss immediately based on an interaction we had literally decades ago in which I felt wronged or shamed. And there are people in my life today whom I have somehow come to view as lesser, including people I reflexively shut out solely because they have pointed out mistakes I’ve made or ways in which I’ve been disrespectful.

If treating others as less than who they are is the greatest evil, then it’s an evil in every case, even when I’d rather ignore it and move on.

Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood

I was almost eight years old when Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood debuted in my hometown, a little bit older than the target audience. My siblings and I watched it, but we frequently made fun of it. Still, I know the names of all the characters and the words to the songs, so something got into my brain.

Later, in college, I knew a group of guys who created a drinking game they called “Fred” they played every afternoon while watching it. They subsequently formed a loose musical collective – “band” isn’t quite the right term for it – that I once jammed with. They were both making fun of and honoring Mr. Rogers.

When my daughters were born, the show was still shown daily, but they didn’t watch it often and it was taken off in 2008. That made me sad, and I wish my kids had gotten the opportunity to learn from Fred Rogers.

I still feel his influence and, now that I’m older, I truly admire his achievements. I appreciate the ways he treated everyone, literally everyone, as a neighbor. The casual way he invited Officer Clements, who was Black, to cool his feet off in a kiddy pool along with him at a time when Black people were routinely restricted from using community swimming pools in much of the United States; his raising difficult topics like assassination, death, divorce, and war; the time he talked with Jeffrey Erlanger, a little boy who used a wheelchair and was facing a critical surgery. (Decades later, Jeffrey inducted Mr. Rogers into the Television Hall of Fame. I doubt anyone can watch those clips without tears.)

If making others feel somehow less is the greatest evil in life, we can counter it with the greatest good: consciously and intentionally treating others with acceptance and compassion, dignity, and respect.

To quote Mr. Rogers’ acceptance speech from the second clip above:

“…bring courage to those whose lives move near our own… (treat) our neighbor at least as well as we treat ourselves…”

For more information, visit https://www.misterrogers.org/articles/he-helped-us-feel-good-about-who-we-are/.

If you or someone you know needs help, call 988 for any mental health or substance use crisis.

You can also call 1-800-273-8255 for the?National Suicide Prevention Lifeline?or?text HOME to 741-741 for support from the?Crisis Text Line. The?National Helpline for alcohol and drug abuse?is at 1-800-662-4357. All three are free and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year.

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This piece is not intended as medical or legal advice. Always speak with your medical provider before initiating a diet or exercise regimen or if you have medical questions. If you have legal questions, consult with an attorney.

This article represents my own opinions as a non-physician and does not reflect the opinions or positions of my employer.