Great Performers Make Their Personal Lives a Priority

There are many truly successful people in our midst who have achieved greatness not by forsaking their families, communities, and private selves, but, rather, by embracing these parts of their lives. They have found creative ways to reduce conflict and replace it with a sense of harmony between work and the rest of life. Not only does this reduce stress and its discontents, it is the very source of the strength that enables their admirable accomplishments.

 These people make a deliberate choice to be conscious of what and who matters most. Their actions — at work and elsewhere — flow from their values. They strive to do what they can to make things better for the people who matter most to them, those who depend on them and on whom they depend, in all the various aspects of their lives. Having this clarity of vision helps reduce conflict, stress, and strain.

The good news is that this kind of integration is available not only to those with extraordinary talents and lots of luck, but to anyone interested in investing effort to lead a life in which you stay true to yourself, serve others, and grow as a person. This integration and a laser-like focus on what truly matters most to you is the key to leading a meaningful, less overwhelmed life — the one you want. When you focus on what’s meaningful, stress and strain are reduced.

It starts with three principles: be real, be whole, and be innovative.

• To be real is to act with authenticity by clarifying what’s important to you. It’s your answer to this basic question: What matters most to me? What do I truly value? Is it family? A creative pursuit? Spiritual growth?
• To be whole is to act with integrity by recognizing how the different parts of your life affect each other. This means identifying who matters most to you at work, at home, and in the community; understanding what you need from others, and what you have to give others; and seeing whether and how these needs mesh.
• To be innovative is to act creatively by experimenting with how things get done in ways that are good for you and for the people around you—taking realistic steps aimed at scoring four-way wins; at work, at home, in your community, and for yourself.

Julie Foudy is a soccer champion who, in 1991, as a member of the U.S. national team, won the first Women’s World Cup and then won bronze in 1995 and gold again in 1999. She was part of the iconic U.S. soccer team that garnered Olympic gold in 1996, silver in 2000, and gold again in 2004. But Foudy is an exemplar of leading the life you want because of what she has done beyond the soccer field. Based on the gender bias she experienced firsthand as a player, she has devoted her career to leading an array of organizations that promote athletics for young people, empower young women, and advocate for social causes. Foudy’s success off the soccer field is an outgrowth of her passion for soccer, her insistence on pursuing the most fruitful expression of her talents, and her ability to fuse all the important parts of her life — her soccer teams, her family, and her advocacy for causes about which she is passionate.

Of course, no one’s fate is entirely in their own hands. Foudy, is like the rest of us, who experience tragedy and loss, and who must learn to compromise. But she has been able to achieve her enormous success because she has the strength to know what’s most important to her — and then to consciously and deliberately align her actions, at her profession and in the rest of her life, in ways that are congruent with her core values. When you are able to do this, there is far less conflict between the domains. Your work colleagues understand what’s most important to you and your family, and others who matter outside of work know this, too. Thus, they can help you to pursue and engage in what is most important to you.

From a distance, what Foudy  has accomplished might seem relatively easy. “If I had as much money and support as her,” you might say, “then I too could control my destiny, choose my working hours, and devote myself to worthy and fulfilling causes.” But in each and every case leaders who worked incredibly hard and persistently to develop skills that enabled them to bring others along with them toward a vision of a somehow better world.

Leaders make mistakes and errors in judgment, and because they were intent on improving and fully employing their natural talents, they were able to learn from them. Though they didn’t start with much, they persisted, because of their commitment to their families, communities, and private selves, not in spite of these other aspects of their lives.

With this knowledge, you can begin to experiment with new ways of getting things done in order to reduce stress and the strain that results from conflict between work and the rest of life. This might involve exploring a new job, learning to play a musical instrument, devoting time to daily reflection about your values and purpose, sharing your vision of the future with friends and co-workers and letting them know how and why they’re part of it, reliably committing time (even small amounts) to your children so they can count on it, doing a digital detox (time off screens) regularly, or bringing your friends and work associates together for an activity they’d all enjoy. Actions like these can help you to create value in each of the important parts of your life.

The key is to try, even for just a few weeks, then see what you learn from your experiment, generate ideas for new ones, and just keep on innovating.