Great Lexpectations

Can a blog with a happy ending, begin with anger, sadness, disappointment, and frustration?

Of course it can!

All great stories begin with the protagonist in agony! The happy ending is because the tension is resolved.

My chief point in this blog will be that the vast majority, VAST MAJORITY, of our sadness, disappointments, frustrations, and anger are rooted in lame expectations.

When our expectations are not met we end up looking for the cause. Most often, this problem-solving takes the lazy form of blaming. We blame our luck. We blame our circumstances. We blame our upbringing. Yes, let's not forget to blame our parents! We blame our star sign. We blame our gender. We blame the other gender (and that was when there were only two of them - now there's lots more scope!) We blame the government. We blame God. And worst of all, we blame ourselves!

I'm going to state unambiguously:

We are placing the blame in the wrong place!

Renegotiating Commitments

One of the most powerful writers in the area of Time Management is David Allen (of "Getting Things Done" fame.) He talks about 'renegotiating commitments' when we've over-promised and are finding it impossible (or at least stressful) to deliver.

We only have 168 hours a week, and it is very easy to over-tax those resources - especially if we can't blame "Sod's Law" for any setbacks! What if our expectations (which can fuel our energy or sap it depending upon whether or not they are met or even exceeded) - what if they were a finite resource like our time? If this were true, we'd 'manage' our expectations like we 'manage' our time!... which means we'd manage our expectations realistically!

Zero Expectations

The most common response I find from the spirituallly-seeking on this topic is to 'ascend' to a state of zero expectations. That's not for me. It sounds like a spin where the truth is it's a race to the bottom - a descent. It most definitely doesn't work with the way the brain functions. Our brains like goals and expectations. The right expectations draw something deep from within us, allowing us to grow and to shine!

Recallibrating Expectations

No, what I need (and I'm certain you need too) is revised expectations - and not necessarily revised downwards. We need to recallibrate.

Since it's Christmas when I write this, let me share with you my biggest disappointment (with a promise to leave you in a happier space when this is resolved later on in the blog and podcast.)

My faith in Christ is the biggest disappointment of my life.

Never has a belief-system promised so much and delivered so little! There now, does that mean I should fear the wrath of God having said that? (Trust me, I've said worse to Him.)

Linguists amongst us will notice a cautious choice of language there. "My faith..." is the problem, not Christ. Trouble is, I was mis-sold Christianity - or at least 'christianity' - small 'c'. The promise was of eternal forgiveness that would impact my physical, emotional, and even financial experience of the present - a foretaste of heaven on earth.

Greg Lake sang, "They said there'd be snow at Christmas, they said there'd be peace on earth, but instead it just kept on raining, a veil of tears for the virgin birth..." Truth, the Real Truth, is awesome. Truth - and the great lexpectations that focus upon it - set you and me free. Anything else is a lie... and lies will always disappoint.

The truth is that Jesus didn't promise much beyond suffering in the here and now. He promised setbacks, persecution, and rejection for those who lived up to His example (which is what living in 'His Name' means.) No wonder the path to His faith is narrow and few find the way. Let's quote Him accurately:

"Enter in by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter in by it.  How narrow is the gate, and restricted is the way that leads to life! Few are those who find it."

The truth is that I didn't believe in or subscribe to the kind of Christianity that Jesus preaches - I believed in a watered-down, tasteless, insipid, middle-class, non-confrontational, convenient, comfortable christianity - one that does not offend the West values our Nations live by. I believed in a christianity that excuses its followers when they own multiple homes while there are homeless members still in the church. I believed in a christianity that justifies ridiculous expenditure on unnecessary luxuries when there are giant needs that are more important. I believed in a christianity that builds physical churches but forgets The Church - the body of believers He calls, "The Body of Christ." Instead, most christians I met were better worshippers of Mammon than any banker I've yet met. For these reasons, my expectations were all based on a lie, and, of course, they've been hugely disappointed.

But hang on a minute, didn't I promise you a happy ending? Here it is, and it's an amazing Christmas message.

The very verse before what I quoted from Matthew 7:13-14 is a life-saver.

Here's Matthew 7:12

Therefore whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them; for this is the law and the prophets.

This is Planet-saving, revolutionary, upside-down, proactive thinking. If that was the ONLY verse I ever lived up to, what a legacy I would leave! Now, THAT's what I call, "Christianity." And the truth is, you don't have to be a Christian to live by this principle.

It's you-act-first stuff!

This means that if you want people to leave you in peace... leave them in peace.

If you want people to speak well of you behind your back... speak well of them behind their back.

Whatever you want, give it to others first!

Give and it shall be given to you...

...good measure

......pressed down

.........shaken together

...........running over

...will be poured into your lap!

For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you!

Luke 6:38

Now, THAT's a promise!

And here's the next powerful surprise. The verse before says this:

"Don't judge, and you won't be judged. Don't condemn, and you won't be condemned. Set free, and you will be set free." How's that for good religion?

True Freedom

This is true freedom.

It never depends on 'them'.

You make the call... first

You send the card... first

You be first to open the door.

You go first!

That's the only First Class you'll ever need!

You choose to be awesome - that's what 'Becoming Heroes' is all about.

Go Gently for a While...

I believe, this Christmas, and this New Year, is an ideal time to go gently on ourselves. It's a time to renegotiate our commitments (to free up our time) and a season to recallibrate our expectations.

• Let's recallibrate our expectations of ourselves
• Let's recallibrate our expectations of our families
• Let's recallibrate our expectations of our friends
• Let's recallibrate our expectations of our faiths
• Let's recallibrate our expectations of our future

In 2020 may you know more of the real truth - the kind of truth that's worth having positive expectations of - and may the truth set you free.

Amen.

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Appendix 1

Red Dwarf (Series IV), Episode 3: Justice

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4udm5k

Most people, whether spiritual or religious or not, would subscribe to the baser, corrupted version of the Golden Rule: Do As You Were Done By. I call it the Lead Law because it has sunk humans in a race to the bottom. It is behind most, if not all wars, and all acts of retaliation.

The true rule is an entirely different paradigm: to actively choose first to do to others exactly as you would prefer them to do to you. To be the stranger who carries out the random act of kindness, rather than waiting for the kindness of strangers! Opportunities to proactively engage in this most human of life missions will present themselves every day. From carrying the bags at the supermarket of someone who is clearly overloaded, to stopping to help the stranded motorist - all these proactive demonstrations of kindness bear risks but they make us something greater than our baser survival instincts. (With all due disrespect to Prof Dawkins and his selfish gene!)

Moses articulated the original yet erroneously interpreted concept in the famous Judaistic "Eye for and Eye, Tooth for a Tooth," - a model of Justice so loved by those unwilling to evolve beyond tit for tat. Called, in Latin, 'Lex Talionis' - it is the Law of Retaliation, and it is the blight of humanity.

However, it has been inaccurately represented.

Exodus 21:22-25 states:

"If men fight and hurt a pregnant woman so that she gives birth prematurely, and yet no harm follows, he shall be surely fined as much as the woman's husband demands and the judges allow. But if any harm follows, then you must take life for life, 24eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, and bruise for bruise."

I'll let you draw your own conclusions about that passage! I will assert, however, that it is designed to limit retaliation and not to justify it.

The principle was very powerfully and humorously explored in the "Justice" episode of Red Dwarf. I believe it strike the 'Fairness' chord in all of us.

Once a prisoner entered the 'Justice Field', no locks or restraints were required.

Why?

Simply because whatever you did to another prisoner or to prison property was then immediately applied to you. If you set the linen on fire, you caught fire! Whatever crime is committed, the consequences happen to the perpetrator!

Humans have an inate sense of 'Justice' and the need for there to be a final accounting where the badies get their come uppance. However, Christ's true way is to rise above retaliation and to 'turn the other cheek'. I'm certain I'm not ready for that yet, but I am ready to continue acting with kindness first before seeing if the other party is worthy!

In the end, this is about you and not about the other parties you meet.

Choose Life - a Life worth Living.