The great CX profit game
Russell Parrott
I transform customer experiences into meaningful connections to reveal the emotional drivers & sentiments behind customer interactions. My insights will empower you to enhance engagement & create meaningful experiences
A Recent C-Suite Meeting
Setting: A futuristic boardroom with high-tech screens displaying KPIs and a large “Profit Over Everything” banner prominently displayed. The vibe is a mix of excitement and bravado, with a tension that suggests deeper issues lie beneath the surface.
Attendees:
- CEO: Claire “Cashflow Queen” Johnson
- CFO: Tom “Penny Pincher” Hardy
- CMO: Lisa “Buzzwords” Chen
- COO: Mike “Streamline” Edwards
The meeting
[Scene starts with Claire tapping a mug decorated with a superhero logo to call the meeting to order.]
Claire: [grinning, looking at her notes] Alright, everyone, let’s kick this off. First order of business - where's Sam, our CX Lead?
Tom: [shrugging] You know how Sam is. Probably dealing with another customer complaint, or maybe he's on leave to find himself.
Lisa: [chuckling] Or maybe he's off on a quest to discover what ‘customer satisfaction’ even looks like - rumor has it he’s searching for the mythical creature known as ‘Customer Insight’!
Mike: [laughing] Well, if you find that creature, tell it to call us! We’d love to schedule a meeting.
Claire: [smirking] But in all seriousness, we should really hear from him. What’s he up to today?
Lisa: [pulling out her phone] I’ll send him a quick message. [pretends to text] “Hey Sam, we’re discussing profits over customer experience, care to join? P.S. Do you have any insights from your ‘expedition’?”
Tom: [smirking] Or maybe we should just have Squeaky, our CX Ambassador - yep, that squirrel character - sit in for him. Less pressure, more fun!
Mike: [raising an eyebrow] A squirrel? Whose idea was that? Shouldn’t we have a human in that role?
Claire: [grinning] Clearly, someone thought a furry ambassador would resonate better with our customers!
Lisa: [laughing] Who knows? Squeaky might actually get more answers than we do! I mean, who wouldn’t want to talk to a squirrel about customer experience?
Claire: [leaning forward with enthusiasm] Anyway, let’s get down to business! Today we’re diving into our “Customer Experience Optimization” initiative! Or as I like to call it, our “path to profit.”
Tom: [taking notes] So, the main focus is increasing profits without actually changing much?
Lisa: [nodding] Exactly! We can throw around some flashy terms and make it look good on paper while still maximising the bottom line.
Mike: [laughs] You mean we’ll keep customers just satisfied enough that they don’t start throwing nuts at us?
Lisa: Exactly! We can present it as being “customer-centric,” while still maximising shareholder value.?
Mike: [smirking] Right. As long as we don’t have to resolve any real customer issues, we can keep the optics shiny!
Claire: [leaning in] Speaking of shiny, we should hire a consultant to give us the perfect buzzwords that make us sound like we care. Words like “holistic,” “customer journey,” and of course... “Squeaky the CX Ambassador” could do the trick!
Tom: [trying to keep a straight face] So, the plan is to have the mascot to represent our deeply held values... which we won't actually implement?
Lisa: [enthusiastic] Absolutely! Just imagine the press release: "Meet Squeaky! Our fun-loving mascot dedicated to... well, keeping the customers smiling while we focus on profit!"
Mike: [laughing] We could even have a “CX Week” full of events! Employees can do team-building with Squeaky, all while avoiding any actual customer engagement.
Claire: [with confidence] Brilliant! Squeaky can make appearances at town halls, sharing heartwarming stories that don’t require any meaningful change.?
Tom: [mock-serious] Just make sure that mascot costume comes in under budget. Remember, every penny counts!
Lisa: And let’s keep telling ourselves that 81% of us are “customer-obsessed.” It helps when we’re just trying to make the numbers look good!?
Mike: [smirking] So we’re aiming for that sweet spot: appearing to be engaged in CX while keeping an eye firmly on profit margins.?
Claire: [raising her mug] Here’s to “Squeaky the CX Ambassador” leading the charge, and to our outstanding ability to look customer-focused while being “strategically” detached!?
Addendum: I’ve just received an unexpected call from Maxwell “Max” Brookes - you know, the renowned Broadway producer with a knack for turning quirky ideas into box office hits.?
“I love it!” he exclaimed, his voice crackling with excitement. “A satirical musical about clueless executives and their misadventures in customer experience? It’s a goldmine! I can already picture the dancing squirrels and the catchy anthems about profit margins! Let’s get that curtain up!”
With that, Max launched into his grand vision for the show. “Now, darling, every blockbuster musical needs a killer soundtrack - something that stays with you long after the curtain falls! Picture this: each scene comes alive with tunes that mirror the madness and hilarity of our boardroom antics. Here’s what I propose for our unforgettable song list!”
1. “Money, Money, Money” (ABBA) - The opening number, setting the tone for the relentless pursuit of profit.
2. “I Will Survive” (Gloria Gaynor) - Sam “Sorry” Simmons’ soulful lament about the trials of customer complaints.
3. “Ain't Got No (I Got Life)” (Nina Simone) - Lisa “Buzzwords” Chen’s anthem of flashy campaigns amidst reality.
4. “I Want It That Way” (Backstreet Boys) - The executives grappling with their desires for perfect customer experiences they can’t quite define.
5. “Take the Money and Run” (Steve Miller Band) - A hilarious showcase for Tom “Penny Pincher” Hardy, bragging about cost-cutting.
6. “She Works Hard for the Money” (Donna Summer) - A tribute to the hard-working staff who keep the wheels turning.
7. “Somewhere Only We Know” (Keane) - A reflective solo for Mike “Streamline” Edwards, pondering the connection to real customers.
8. “A Whole New World” (Aladdin) - A whimsical duet between Claire and Mike dreaming of the ideal company culture.
9. “We’re in the Money” (from the musical 42nd Street) - The grand finale where the C-suite celebrates their projected profits with grand gestures.
10. “Don't Stop Believin’” (Journey) - The closing anthem, leaving the audience with hope and laughter about the absurdity of it all.
“Now that’s what I call a show! - With these numbers, we'll have the audience rolling in the aisles and singing along -all while deftly critiquing the ups and downs of corporate life!”
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1 个月How refreshing to see this kind of conversation among business leaders. I am especially impressed with #2, fully leveraging the suite of tools they already have instead of cutting or, what happens more often, adding another one to the stack! And #3, for business leaders to acknowledge they need to be more hands-on and should be leveraging the insights their employees already have! And once again, totally in awe of your creative writing skills!
Customer Experience Director | Speaker
1 个月So the key question is: "Are c-suite executives stupid?" Turns out, most of them are not. The horizon might be different, their focus might differ, their expertise could lie elsewhere, but generally they are actually clever people. Maybe it's us, the CX-folk, who don't understand well enough what it means to run a business ??
Chief Experience Officer at billquiseng.com. Award-winning Customer CARE Expert, Keynote Speaker, and Blogger
1 个月I ?? your post to express my appreciation for sharing the insight??FULL board meeting minutes. What I would recommend is that the board select BQ. the Grand Master of Customer Care. English writer Samuel Johnson said, “People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.” So, BQ would encourage the Board to remind the company execs of this: QUI TAKEAWAY: Whatever your title or position, be a servant leader who will CARE for your people first: COMMUNICATE openly, interactively, frequently, and continuously any information your people need and want to know. Listen empathetically to their concerns, questions, and complaints. Express compassion and encouragement.? APPRECIATE your people’s roles and responsibilities. RECOGNIZE and offer accolades for team and individual accomplishments and acts of service. EMPOWER people to make the right decisions for themselves, their colleagues, and others. But wait. There's more. Page 2 of 2. QUI TAKEAWAY: Servant leadership. (continued)
Managing Partner at Mind Group | Digital Strategy & Operations Executive | Neuroscience in Leadership | AI Strategy for Purpose-Driven Businesses
1 个月Okay, this board meeting recap is like a highlight reel of every CX conversation we should be having! Declining satisfaction scores? Yep, that’s a red flag you can’t ignore. And underutilizing tools? It’s like owning a sports car but never taking it out of first gear, what’s the point? But my favorite part? The focus on balancing profit and care. It’s refreshing to see leadership realizing that customers aren’t just metrics, they’re humans with expectations and emotions. Here’s what I’m curious about: How many companies actually listen to their employees to uncover those day-to-day pain points? And more importantly, how often does that insight turn into action? CX isn’t just about making customers happy; it’s about creating a culture where both employees and customers feel valued.