The Great Christmas Tree Debacle

Season's Greetings! Christmas can be a little stressful, especially if work feels out of control. Throw a big ole family Christmas, full of expectation, excitement and additional organisation into the mix and, well, things can take a turn!

Indulge me, as I share with you a perfectly timed extract from my Chapter in the book Anger & Us. It perfectly demonstrates how things can literally get on top of us! With perspective, this true story would make a hilarious comedy sketch, but in the moment, not so funny. So, sit back and enjoy this tale of the Great Christmas Tree Debacle, and let's see what we can learn about dealing with spontaneous angry moments ...

"It’s the evening before Christmas Eve. Work is a nightmare and I’m incredibly stressed. On top of that, it’s my favourite time of the year and in my mind we’re behind, and I’m in no fit state to give my family the picture perfect - and therefore totally unrealistic - Christmas I want to.

We’d decorated our beautiful 7-foot Christmas tree, together as a family, earlier that evening. It looks wonderful and stands proudly illuminating the living room, with a magical Christmas glow.

In the scheme of my total stress, it is a shining beacon of light and hope. It’s an important symbol of Christmas, but also of positivity in what feels like a dark time, for I am in the depths of not only stress, but depression at this point.

After a long evening, it’s time to turn off the Christmas lights and finally go to bed. I spend a few teary-eyed moments looking at the tree, absorbing hope and strength for the coming days.

Now, turning off our Christmas lights on this occasion, requires nothing less than an S.A.S. ground assault. A delicate operation that requires a slow, but assertive, crawl under the branches of this fine Nordmann Fir. The switch on the wall is inconveniently placed right at the back of our beacon of hope. It’s a well-practiced operation, although one to not take lightly.

I ease my way under the branches and the glow from the lights shine all around. Gently moving forward using my elbows, I get within reaching distance of the switch. I’m exhausted, but with a gentle press of the switch I’ll be able to hit the bed sheets, and hopefully get some rest if my worried head will let me.

I reach out. Nearly there. Then I feel it.

The tree branches rubbing my back. What at a distance looked like a stable and noble tree ready to withstand the Christmas festivities ahead, suddenly doesn’t seem quite so stable. I feel and see the tree rock.

“No no no!” screams through my head, but it’s too late.

A series of catastrophic events are set in motion. Our beacon begins to descend to the floor, in slow motion, like a mighty tree being felled in the Canadian wilderness. It creaks. It jingles. It jangles. It comes crashing down onto the floor.

Ornaments smash. Water from the base pours over me, the floor, the electrics. It is carnage. A Christmas catastrophe, and I am lying on the floor with 7-feet of tree, metres of lights and the whole family’s treasure trove of broken and displaced decorations on top of me.

I go ballistic! I explode in a Christmas tree covered rage!

This is literally the Christmas tree icing on a cake of exhausted stress and frustration. I’m mad at the tree, the world, at me. This is an unfair, unkind, unacceptable, and cruel thing for the universe to do to a guy already on the very edge.

My wife comes rushing in to witness the festive devastation. This is the moment of truth. Does my wife receive the colourful verbal torrent that has reached the surface, and that will wake up our boys who are peacefully sleeping … or do I make another choice?

You see, in these moments we always have a choice.

I forcibly stand the tree back up, survey the shattered ornaments, and the words that leave my lips are ...

“I can’t …”.

With that I grab my coat and leave the house.

To some this may seem unfair or childish. You can’t just run away from situations. True, but there is science, intention and understanding in my response; I didn’t just leave my wife to it.

Proven ways to dissipate anger - and stress or anxiety for that matter – are to immediately remove yourself from the trigger or situation and unleash the adrenaline coursing through your body on a physical activity. Max out push-ups, boxing, a run, or in my case a brisk walk in the cold air of a December night.

It is a long, cold walk at pace, with a lot of muttering under my breath, thrashing of arms and looking to the heavens. Slowly but surely though, my anger and frustration subside.

I am, obviously, still upset by the whole situation, but the woman I love is not going to be unfairly verbally attacked. A more pragmatic and helpful Martin rose from the pine needles, and we could talk it through and repair the festive damage together.

It’s worth noting that this wasn’t just a known strategy to use in such moments of overwhelming emotion:

it was an agreed strategy.

It takes a cherished understanding and respect by two people to share not only how they feel, but how they can best manage difficult situations, in the present and future; and compassionately remind each other in those, hopefully rare but, intense moments.

For you, our felled Christmas tree could represent any moment, incident, person, or question that tips you over the edge. It happens. The question is:

what is your strategy when it happens?

If you’re blessed to have a natural, untouchable, calm demeanour when under intense emotional stress, good for you; that’s rare. For the rest of us, we need to think it through, practice, figure something out, have a strategy.

When you see anyone achieving success, improvement, carrying themselves in a way that you look up to, they are rarely winging it. They’ve received training or self-educated in the best ways to move forward and overcome challenges. I recommend doing the same.

We’re talking about an angry moment, but you and I know that an uncontrolled Hulk-like outburst can have serious impacts physically, mentally, and emotionally, not just on us but those around us.

Figure out, like I did, how to manage under pressure.

Let’s unwrap the key lessons from the great Christmas tree debacle:

• Anger can be a natural reaction to overwhelming stress.
• When we direct “stress anger” at an individual it’s rarely them we are angry at.
• When we don’t have a strategy to deal with “angry stress”, we can hurt the ones we love or ourselves.
• Remove yourself quickly from the environment or person where you’ve been tipped over the edge.
• Use any form of exercise to burn off the adrenaline that has been released.
• Give yourself time to cool down.
• Agree strategies with your partner so they can support you, and vice versa."

I hope you enjoyed and got insight from this true life story that I have no intention of repeating this year! You'll be pleased to know that my wife and I did repair the festive damage together; and good does comes from the experience in the form of a fun and hopefully helpful tale for others to learn from.

If you'd like more stories, insights and help with anger, check out Anger & Us. It's a great book with authors all over the world sharing their experiences and support. It was a privilege to be a part of.

In the meantime, wishing you and your family a healthy, happy and anger-free Christmas.

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Martin Seville?is a Breakthrough Coach, Storyteller and Mental Health Advocate.

The co-author of six books, creator?of The Hero's Journey?and?Stressed Dad to Calm Dad?Coaching Programmes, and your host for the Extreme Confidence Breakthrough Experience he Empowers Leaders, Managers and Business Owners to take back control of their work and time, overcome the beliefs, stories and habits in their way, so they can live their most Extraordinary Life with Balance and Extreme Confidence.

Martin is passionate about Empowering hard working, conscientious parent Leaders, Managers and Business Owners to?Believe in Themselves?and be the?Hero of Their Story.

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