Gratitude:UnFiltered “The Chronicles of Stephanie Nielson”

As a Canadian author, speaker, and professional coach, Stephanie Nielson is someone who consistently pushes herself to reach past her current limitations to become more. Stephanie dubs herself a “Creative Extraordinaire” and revels in her understanding of how we are all the masters of our own universe and have the ability to create the world we want to live in. The joy she takes from observing her own reality unfold in unimaginable ways inspires her to help others to achieve the same.

She strongly believes in the philosophy of “Reach one, teach one” and claims that any and all success is achieved by cultivating the right mindset. For it does not matter where you begin, but only where you chose to end! Having survived an alcoholic parent, a divorced home, being a single parent who raised two young sons alone, developing a 6+ figure income with no formal education and creating a successful and well-respected career in a male-dominated industry, there are many areas in which Stephanie can speak to with her experiences and expertise.

She believes, however, that her true message is about overcoming obstacles. It is with this perspective that she has written three books and developed a speaker/coaching practice through the John Maxwell Certification Program. It is Stephanie’s passion and her calling to help others overcome their obstacles, whatever they may be, to reach their next level of excellence.

Full Transcript 

Joshua T Berglan (-1h -1m -0s): 

e360 Television network, which is broadcast on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, TV, Apple TV, Amazon fire, and Roku. Thank you again for being here. If you have the opportunity, please like, subscribe and share with friends. This is an interactive broadcast, so your comments, your opinions, your questions, your feedback, your criticism, any whatever it is you are welcome to do it here. Also, make yourself at home. If you have the opportunity, um, please, please network, make friends.

Your welcome to plug your nonprofits. You’re a business because again, this is a community and we are just blessed to have you here. Welcome to Gratitude UnFiltered

Speaker 1 (45s):

Joshua T Berglan (1m 14s): 

what’s up everybody? Happy Friday we are alive on the network, broadcast all over the world on YouTube, Facebook live, Amazon fire. You actually heard the intro. We don’t need to do this again. That’s why made the intro and I’ve got to change it. I got to tweak it. And those of you, some of you noticed a new logo and I’m still playing with it. I, the thing is, is like I like, I love, uh, one of my favorite things to do in the show is to actually create graphics and play around and take different images and play around.

And uh, I’m not settled in this logo, but that’s the concept. So if you’re watching right now and you know somebody that, uh, likes to draw, hook a brother up, we’re going to finalize this logo because I’m tired of having my face everywhere because again, this is Gratitude and UnFiltered. This is not about me, but I am your host Joshua T Berglan and I am blessed to have you guys here. I’m really excited about our guests tonight because I’ve just glanced at our profile, or not a profile, but a bio and, and I, I didn’t really know any of that other stuff that I saw that we’re all gonna learn together tonight, but I’ve talked to her several times and she’s an amazing human being.

And I think you guys are gonna fall in love with her first things first. I can’t afford lashes. Smile in them. Well, actually, if you use the promo code, welcome 10. You can save 10%. Um, so I mean, they’re pretty affordable. What’s up Jessica? Good to see you. Mr. Hart. Always welcome to see you. That’s creepy. Seeing you behind yourself. I know I was playing her look, so I’m self-taught when it comes to everything. Broadcasting, like I don’t have a clue that it, again, the show started on, you know, Facebook live on a phone and you know, we’ve tried to make some progressions over the time and we’ve had people like Steven Gordon, you know, create graphics for us in the beginning when it was morning gratitude with a mayor.

Joshua T Berglan (3m 14s): 

And of course, we’ve changed it now to Gratitude UnFiltered um, you know, but as I learn new things, I like to try different things and I’m not afraid to mess up, but right now I’m, I’m self producing so rigself-producingt to do what I can do and you know, try to make it not boring and fun and have it look good because I want it to be professional because you know, I’m a professional broadcaster.

Joshua T Berglan (3m 40s): 

I got to be honest with you tonight, I’m kind of a, I know I’m smiling right now, but I’m also very, very irritated. So I’m hoping that I can laugh my way through this today because to be honest with you, I want to take my head and throw it to a computer. But that’s another story. So with that said, um, I’m really, really excited. What is this? It’s awesome. You’re just messing with me. Thank you. I appreciate Mary and I cannot wait to have you on the show by the way. I love what you’re doing in the world. It’s absolutely exciting.

But, uh, before I get too far and just babbling, uh, again, I’m super excited to introduce our guests tonight because like you, I’m excited to learn about her. So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Stephanie Nielson to Gratitude. Unfiltered what’s up? Stephanie

Stephanie Nielson (4m 28s): 

Hey Joshua. How are you doing?

Joshua T Berglan (4m 30s): 

I’m good. Oh, I like, well other than morning to take the computer and to it. But other than that, I’m good.

Stephanie Nielson (4m 38s): 

Good, good, good. I’m so glad to be here. I really appreciate you having me on your show. Really excited about where this conversation is going to take us tonight.

Joshua T Berglan (4m 45s): 

Well good cause I have no clue. So a, this is going to be fun. So let’s start with first things first. What are you grateful for tonight?

Stephanie Nielson (4m 51s): 

Well, I mean Joshua there are so many things that I’m grateful for, but based on how you intro the show, I think a more important question right now is what are you grateful for?

Joshua T Berglan (5m 2s): 

No, no, no, no, no, no. I’m the host. You answer the question, I’ll tell you what I’m grateful for after you, this is like, hold on a second. This is like injuring a question. What the question? I don’t like that very much.

Stephanie Nielson (5m 16s): 

Well I know that I always find that looking at Gratitude helps to change my head space. Right. There are a little bit,

Joshua T Berglan (5m 26s): 

I’m grateful for tape because Jessica see my computer and I, I’ve been traveling with my big computer because I don’t have a laptop yet. And a, because my Mac book finally died after eight years. So now I have, I have a shattered computer screen and I’ve taped it today. So now it looks a little bit better.

Stephanie Nielson (5m 50s): 

Don’t you feel bad finding something to be grateful for?

Joshua T Berglan (5m 54s): 

I am. And I’m also grateful. There’s another one. I’m also grateful that on Saturday night I’m filming at word of God church, uh, in front of a live audience. Again, I’m excited about that. I’m interviewing Tyler Coleman. Uh, she’s going to share a testimony. We’re going to do it a different way. We, we interviewed a couple of years ago, but now we’re going to, it’s going to give it its proper due. But um, what I’m really, really grateful for is the element hotel in Bloomington, Minnesota that is now a sponsor of Gratitude UnFiltered and we’re going to be filming for the next month.

Yeah, that’s right. A month at the element hotel. And uh, I’m so excited. So I’m taking off and going back to Minnesota and uh, couldn’t be more happy. I’m grateful for

Stephanie Nielson (6m 43s): 

celebrate. Absolutely. We can say your question. I would have to say that one of the first things I always say when people ask me, you know, what are you grateful for? And I say it is my, my, my gift to always see the positive in a situation. And I’ve been like that ever since I was a little girl. Now that has not stopped me from going into situations that haven’t been positive, but I have them blessed to be able to take the positive from them. So, um, but beyond that, you know, I just think that we are surrounded with blessings every single day.

It’s all on what you focus on and on what kind of perspective you put onto what’s happening around you. And uh, one of my other gifts is that I’m able to see the big picture and go in that forward direction and then break it down into pieces so that I can achieve the goals that I set out for myself.

Joshua T Berglan (7m 35s): 

Yeah, I liked that. Um, I’m going to go back to something and it is, may Sharon, welcome to the show. Get to see you. Um, and it is may, Oh my gosh. May 1st. So, um, I do have a question. You were talking about being able to see the positive in everything and I think I have that too. For a long time. I used to believe it was a curse because I never hang on. I mean even in my life when I was trying to basically die, um, with my behavior I would wreck, I I could walk outta jail and be like yeah that’d be fine.

I I don’t have, I can get mad for like maybe a minute or two and like ah, and then I let it go and then I’ve just want to move on because my options are do you want to die or okay you might as well find a way out of it. I used to be find a way out of it. Now it’s lets find a way, find a solution to this, lets find a way to use this for good. I’ve kind of gifted that over the years.

Stephanie Nielson (8m 37s): 

Yes. And I’ve always been the same way. I’ve been able to let things go. So, you know, I’ve written a few books and one of the chapters on one of the books that I’ve written, my Zen matters. It talks about forgiveness. And I even confess in there that’s never really been an issue for me because I just easily let things go because I so move on to the positive. But you know, one of the things that I’ve noticed in the last few years that I think really has been able to give me so much power in my life is by having that positive attitude, looking for, you know, the good things and having the Gratitude and life and coupling that with my faith.

And when you’re able to be positive, find the good things, you know, see the big picture, know what direction you want to go in, and then just trust that God’s got you. Oh my God. Your life starts to expand him in a crazy, ridiculous ways. I love that. You know, out of the blue, you invite me to be on your show. Yeah.

Joshua T Berglan (9m 43s): 

Well, there’s another reason I actually how that happened, but we won’t talk about that on air yet. Um, so you T you mentioned your faith now before. So when you say your faith, I would imagine it’s faith in Jesus. Yes. Yes. Okay. All right. Very good. So before you found Jesus, were you somebody that was always optimistic? Were you able to see the positive? Everything.

Stephanie Nielson (10m 8s): 

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I have a very interesting, I think the interesting story to my relationship with Jesus and God today, but ever since I was a young girl, I have always felt that I walked with Jesus even before I understood what that meant. How do you figure it out?

Joshua T Berglan (10m 29s): 

Explain that. Because I didn’t feel that way, especially when I was doing some of the things that we was doing. I, I would hate to think that Jesus was there with me. I mean, I know he was, but you know what I mean? Like I didn’t feel it then.

Stephanie Nielson (10m 42s): 

Okay. So, well, it’s funny that you say that because, so when I was a little girl, I just, again, from, from the word go, I was optimistic. I was curious. I loved, I believed in the principles that Jesus taught, you know, lap banding, acceptance, forgiveness. They were just part of who I was. I always felt protected. I did not grow up in a home that had any kind of formal religious undertones to it.

As a matter of fact, my grandparents on my mother’s side were Baptist. Um, my mother, my grandmother, and my father’s side was evangelical or, or, um, the Clintons, something like that. Anglican. What is that? It’s actually a derivative. I found out later in life. It’s a derivative of the Catholic church. It’s a sec underneath of the Catholic church. Um, so it’s not quite as traditional is the Catholics.

So it’s a little, it’s a model are Virgin Virgin, I think of the Catholic church, but, and then my mom was a spiritualist and she was very new age and my father did not discuss. So I grew up in a house that the only, Oh, and my best friend was Catholic. So the only times that I went to church is when my grandmother was coming to visit and she would take me or I would go to church with my best friend. Right outside of that. I mean it was just an open basket of whatever you wanted it to be, which in some ways was a real blessing because I was able to forge my own path and come to my own understanding.

Right. So as a teenager, I was introduced to a friend of mine that I met through modeling and she was going to the four H club. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of that or not, but it’s a, um, a biblically based, um, teenage association, if you will. And I really enjoyed that and I would go with, with Josee and uh, but I never really got involved in the church, but it made sense to me because I always had this connection with Jesus even though I didn’t know it, if that makes sense.

And a, and then of course, you know, I didn’t want to be perfect. I wanted to do things that, you know, God, Jesus wouldn’t really are. I thought that they would be, you know, keen on. So I kind of pulled back through my late teens, early adult and, and then once I got married, actually before I got married, I reconnected with the church. I had gone to this, um, a workshop through my work. They had sent me to the three day workshop on the Saturday night when they were winding up.

They said, you know, tomorrow we are going to have a church service even though our workshop is not biblically based, we are all Christians and you’re invited to attend. And I thought, Oh sure, I’d love to go. Right. So I went love the pastor. Oh my gosh, I love the sermon he did. The prodigal son sermon was amazing. He was a great energy and it just really made me start thinking about where do I want to be with God and with church and with, you know, religion and all that kind of stuff.

So I ended up moving into the community, not even intentionally, but I ended up moving into the community that he was the pastor in. So I ended up going to his church. Um, I sorry, I’ve got a dog do you might as well show everyone the dog. Oh, you don’t want to say the dog. He’s busy. He’s got a baby. How are you tonight? Okay. So I knew it’s a, Pete behaves himself up at some point.

I’ll, I’ll show you the gun. Um, so I, um, so I, I went to this church and I brought my ex husband to this church and this was the pastor that married us and the church that I chose to get baptized, Dan and you know, and then when I got to him for first and my divorce was not my choice, my husband did something both a legally and morally wrong. So I was betrayed as a wife and a woman. And I went to my pastor and I said, I need help.

I’m struggling. And he sided with my husband. And that really destroyed me because my husband wasn’t even a true Christian. I hate saying that, but you know what I mean. Right. It was, he was there on my urging. And um, turned out, we found out years later that that pastor was having an affair on his wife. So I guess that kind of was that. But what happened for me is that I was so hurt and I was so disappointed. I turned my back on God.

And it took me a long time to realize that no, it wasn’t God. It wasn’t Jesus. It was man. And there is a big difference between man and the Holy spirit. And so I started to back in my search and you know, I started looking into more spiritual type stuff. I did more readings from, you know, Wayne Dyer and Osho and in different formats that are more open and talked more about the universe and, and such.

And the interesting thing is, is that while I was going through this journey, it actually started to bring me back to God, back to Jesus, back to traditional. And even though my book, um, is done, matters is, is written in a very non-secular way. It is really in my heart is still about my commitment to God and to Jesus. But I wanted to write it so that other people on their journeys might be able to bring bro back to the tradition and a true belief, if that makes sense.

All right. And so I think that the biggest aha moment for me was, is when I started to compare the teachings and the positive concepts of thought and belief that other spiritual, um, so-called masters were teaching and other, you know, um, business minded, um, um, people like Rob, Bob Proctor is Ziglar. Everything that they’re saying is written in the Bible.

The Bible is the original motivational book.

Joshua T Berglan (17m 9s): 

Oh gee, I talk about that all the time. Pete, those motivational quotes that people post with the memes.

Stephanie Nielson (17m 14s): 

Yes.

Joshua T Berglan (17m 15s): 

They are all rooted from the Bible. Like they’ve all spawned out of that.

Stephanie Nielson (17m 19s): 

I have a whole list that I have in my phone. I take notes on everything and I’ve gone through all of these quotes and I’ve gone and found the biblical bursts that it could have been taken from. So at the end of the day, everything just brought me back to Jesus and that’s where I sit now. That’s where I stay.

Joshua T Berglan (17m 43s): 

It’s interesting because there was a couple of parallels that I find fascinating with you. Now mind you, I have much darker past than you do, but the path to kind of get there and to understand I’m, and then how you are just basically fully committed and sold out for Jesus. It’s, it’s a very, very similar, and you mentioned spirituality earlier and for me it was discovering the spirituality of Jesus that made things click.

And I, and believe it or not, I like, I’m a big, I try to stay away from it as much as possible, but even with conspiracy stuff and the conspiracy, the Roman Catholic church and that conspiracy, like I, when I got down in the deep hole looking and I was wanting to answers and needed to understand a, needed a true of truth and I, I, I do have a need to understand things sometimes, but it was the spiritual nature of Jesus that made things really, really clicked for me. And that goes back to principles.

Because when you follow, when you follow the principles, which work for everybody, the principles, you don’t, you don’t, you never even have to say Jesus’s name. And the principal’s work is just how you do life. That’s what Jesus came here to teach us. That is very spiritual in nature. You want to talk about high vibrating and you know all of that stuff. Well that’s what I mean by spirituality of Jesus. And you want to vibrate high, follow the principles. It changes your life. And when people say to me that the Bible isn’t relevant today, I always say read Proverbs.

Proverbs is amazing. I have to go further than Proverbs. Yes. So much wisdom and Proverbs. Absolutely. That’s a great guidebook. I’m very big on, I love the gospels. That’s kinda what I listened to most of the time. And um, but yeah, Proverbs, this is great. I, and then, and it’s just a great way to live your life. And as far as the Bible is concerned, I heard something said by a pastor the other day, and I’m not saying his name just because I don’t want people sending them hate mail, but the, the Bible evolves also and there’s, there’s new revelation all the time that comes out of the Bible.

And I asked the question or the Holy spirit provides new revelation all the time. We expand on the Bible. And I said, is that kind of like a new new Testament? And he said, yes, exactly. And I, I liked that. Now what does that mean exactly? I don’t know. But that’s one of the things when you hear that and you go, yeah, that feels right, but I don’t know it for sure. This is one of those beautiful things about having a personal relationship with Jesus in the, and then of course the Holy spirit that really, really will open up, you know, your eyes, you’re heart, and then you start to hear and understand things and a different way that are really, really beautiful because of that.

And I might get hate mail, but I’m okay with.

Stephanie Nielson (20m 48s): 

So one of the things that I have really been noticing during the shutdown is how divided we are. We are divided politically, we are divided medically. We are divided spiritually. We are just such a divided race and we have been set up to be divided. I don’t think people are really understanding that, but we are set up to be divided, right? So like to say when you have a personal relationship with Jesus, you get messages straight from the source.

So the other day I was out with the dog. I take the dog out for runs every day that I can. And um, I was talking with my mom on the way back and I said, you know, think about this for a second mom. I said, what if the stories in the Bible were not actual stories of true events? They were analogies of situations for us to consider. Because when you look at them from a true event status, people would say, well that didn’t happen.

That’s not true. How could that be? But when you look at it, which creates division by the way, but when you can look at it from a position of, Hey, that’s a great analogy that I can apply to the situation, all of a sudden the division is gone because everybody can get on board with the fact that it’s a great analogy. It’s a great message. We get divided because we look at it as actual fact that this story actually happened anyways. I’m not saying I’m right. I’m saying this was an idea that came to me and I thought, I think there might be some merit to that.

Joshua T Berglan (22m 25s): 

Yep. And again, I, I don’t, I don’t know. I mean there’s, there’s things I questioned all the time. I know that man got his grubby little hands on the Bible as well, and you know, there was taken out to belong there. You read the book of Enoch. There’s, there’s, how would that is taken out of the Bible? That to me is very relevant right now. The gospel and people that say it’s not Holy spirit inspired, it’s Jesus is words. How, how are we not pulling spirit? And if it’s Jesus’s words, how is it not Holy spirit, uh, inspired, it doesn’t make sense to me.

And then of course when people talk about, um, asking you shall receive, well there’s two sentences that were removed from the Bible that are really, really important about that, about that verse. And so I agree with you and it since the beginning of time, since sin entered this earth, we have been set up to be divided.

Stephanie Nielson (23m 24s): 

Absolutely. Absolutely. A hundred percent. And I think that if we can overcome this division, our world would look totally different. And one of the things that I say all the time to that point, and I say it professionally, I see a personally, I try to bring it into my life in every area is seek first to and then to be understood.

Joshua T Berglan (23m 49s): 

Oh yeah. And that, and that is also another way of saying like it lead with love to, because if you’re leading with love, you’re going to have the patience to understand that. And I love what Mary does here to your point, not arguing with you, but she said or did happen and history repeats itself. And we need to learn from it.

Stephanie Nielson (24m 9s): 

Well that’s true too.

Joshua T Berglan (24m 11s): 

I mean that’s true. Whether both, yeah, that’s a true statement to me as well and Oh, insurance has compassion. I love that one as well.

Stephanie Nielson (24m 21s): 

You want to know something that’s super interesting or I think it’s interesting anyway, is the last, Oh my gosh, maybe six months or so. I have just really been having this feeling now we are entering into, and this was before the pandemic and once the shutdown happens, I mean I think everything’s gotten even crazier, but I was really feeling that we were really starting to experience times like Sodom and Gomorrah again. We had, we were back there.

That society has just gotten so insane that, that we’re sitting on the edge of of that again.

Joshua T Berglan (24m 59s): 

Yeah, I mean, and a, and I believe that this, I hate calling it epidemic. I really do. Cause I mean I have some, I have my own feelings about what’s happening. But to your point, I believe you, speaking of Sodom and Gomorrah, I believed this is God shaking to go, Hey, wake up. You know, wake up like you got to come back to me because we’ve gotten so far away from what we originally created to be that we’ve launched. We were lost.

Stephanie Nielson (25m 29s): 

Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know, I mean, so I’m single. So dating is something that is just bizarre. And I’ve actually written a book about dating too because it’s just a nightmare out there. But this is what I really believe is that people are looking to meet somebody because they’re broken. So they’re trying to fill that hole. It doesn’t work. And the only way that that hole can be filled As you and I both know is by having your relationship with God.

And if you can get that right, then everything else will get right

Joshua T Berglan (26m 11s): 

a Merry. Another good point. There’s so much going on around us that we citizens have nothing to do with evil around us as horrifying. If you don’t fill the hole with Jesus. That’s right. And I want to, again, again, getting back, we’re, we’ve gotten so far away from our original, the, the, the, the reason why we were created and to what you’re saying it, it has gotten to this point where we don’t even know which way to look.

And we’ve gotten it so confused because we’re looking to all of these outside sources for a relief and whether it’s dating, whether it’s a work, a job is going to save us, whatever it may be. Like it’s not, we’re still forgetting the, the most important thing. Seek God first and in relation to them and coming to people and so many people would, back to the dating point that you brought up, there are so many people that you’re right that are looking to fill those holes.

It’s never, you’re going to keep bringing the same bad crap into the next relationship and the next relationship and the next relationship until we get right with Jesus and start to heal ourselves.

Stephanie Nielson (27m 26s): 

Yeah, a hundred percent a hundred percent so when you say, you know, people don’t know where to look anymore, well we do know where to look. We need to look here and here, right?

Joshua T Berglan (27m 37s): 

We had the most obvious place. People don’t know that, Andy. And I think the way I really believe the, the only true way to be able to get back to that is just to basically say is through surrender and 100% because that look inside is probably the most beautiful thing I think we ever do. Or what could we ever do in life and we experience hardships and there’s traumas, but that day that we decide to face ourselves for the first time and get real and get honest and have to take that inventory of, wow, like there’s some stuff here that I need, I get to heal.

But we’re not patient enough. That as a society to, to, to, to be patient, to be alone, to, to spend that time just you and God to work on yourself to get well. And you know what, whether it’s because of all the extra outside stimulus. I mean, I know I, I’m just going to speak very, very plainly here. Um, before I knew I needed to spend a lot of time alone and spend, I mean I was a good a year without dating or anything. Um, Oh my gosh. In my brain was farted.

Ah no. Oh no. Oh. Anyway.

Stephanie Nielson (29m 3s): 

W what, what happened before you knew that you needed to spend that time alone?

Joshua T Berglan (29m 8s): 

Oh, thank you. I I basically when I would get horny I would go, Oh I got to go look for something. I mean I was constantly cause I was seeking the, the sex stimulus for a first. I mean it’s no cool to me the drugs and that’s where my advice, but I mean constantly seeking that out. That’s why I was never alone. It was a way, I really think it was hormones and never be alone because I needed to scratch that itch so to speak.

Stephanie Nielson (29m 35s): 

Yeah. It’s funny cause I have to be honest with you, I pissed off a lot of men because I am not wanting to and I am so okay. And I’ve got my relationship with God and I feel good with who I am. So I’m not going to let that person that is just looking to scratch that itch into my world. Right. So,

Joshua T Berglan (29m 55s): 

but, but healthy. So, but in fairness though, you’ve done the court to be healthy because the same time there’s millions of women that are basically seeking the same thing that may not, they may not want it at the same way I did, but they have the same void that needs to be filled. And so anyone that smiles at them and maybe flexes with them or something, whatever, I don’t know. I don’t, I don’t flex at women. I was just kidding. Um, but there, you know what I mean? Like th they’ll fall, Oh, you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen or whatever it is in that, that gives them some kind of feeling inside and then it’s all of a sudden their walls drop and then you own them.

And I don’t mean that to be disrespectful, but that’s kinda what the mentality is.

Stephanie Nielson (30m 41s): 

Yep. As a matter of fact, when I find that a man is giving me too many compliments on the outside of me, it, I get turned off by that. And I, and I, that to me is a red flag that they’re not able to give me more. Right. Um, I did write an article once called getting the milk for free and I was talking about that in my article that, you know, nowadays, especially with online dating and stuff, this, this topic of, I know we’re going in this crazy direction, but this is fun, right?

This topic of sex, just there’s no respect around it anymore. Right? And people are, they don’t even meet and they are asking for you to send pictures of your body parts. Right. And I made a kind of a funny article about this and I, I said, you know, um, what if we turned around and we said to the guys, well, okay, I’ll show you that, but show me your bank account, right? What the guy is not be equally as offended, you know? So I wrote all this funny article and then I said to the women, I said, Hey, wait a minute before you start jumping on the bandwagon going, yeah, that’s right.

Remember men are getting away with this because we’re letting them, so if you want them to stop that behavior, you need to stop letting them. Yeah.

Joshua T Berglan (31m 56s): 

Oh, in boundaries. If you, if somebody sets a boundary and doesn’t keep it, again, you’ve basically just given over yourself. They, and I hate, I’m sorry to use it this way, but that is basically giving a man permission to own you. Once you go to penetrate your boundaries, you’re done. You’re done. The relationship’s done because you’ll never get it back. It’s kinda like our freedoms, all of our, the guy, the world, the world governments have figured out how easy it is to, to usher us and lock us inside.

Everyone but me, I’m still traveling. But this is like, they figured this out. Well, you know, what do you really think they’re going to give us our freedoms when it was so easy to take it. It’s the same thing with dating, because once you give that, once you let somebody break your boundary, you’re never getting it back. You’re never going to get that respect back. It doesn’t work in reverse. I’m sorry. It doesn’t,

Stephanie Nielson (32m 55s): 

and that’s why I believe that if we have our principles correct, right. And we are first committed to God, that’s our boundary.

Joshua T Berglan (33m 7s): 

That’s right. That’s the best boundary. It’s an it’s, it’s an impenetrable unpenetrable

Stephanie Nielson (33m 14s): 

yeah, in penetrate. I can’t say it. No, it’s the amp.

Joshua T Berglan (33m 19s): 

I barely, I barely speak English, so it’s all good. But that truth and you know what, and when we do that and you honor that you, you, you, you carry yourself with a certain confidence that you’re not going to let little games get in your way. I heard. And miles Monroe, I was listening to a sermon, not As, I don’t know if he does sermons or what miles Monroe does, but in a lecturer, a speech that he gave and he was talking about when you are living the kingdom life and you were living in purpose, and that is your focus. You know your purpose and you have a vision.

Anything that doesn’t align with your vision is not getting in your way. So if that means some, some, like a relationship that doesn’t serve you or you’re settling, you’re going to say no to that. When you know this, this is not my, our visions don’t align. Our purposes are different. This is not going to work. You see those things and you and you’re able to say no to them. And if you don’t say no, they serve as a giant distraction. And guess what? The devil doesn’t need to to, to, to break your legs.

The devil doesn’t need to get you a drunk. The devil only only needs to distract you from his PR, your purpose. And he’s one.

Stephanie Nielson (34m 32s): 

All he had to do was offer a damn Apple. And I saw, but you know its interesting. So I’m a girl friend of mine who reached out to me today. She did her first video. Um, and um, she wanted to get feedback and she said, I didn’t do it live. I don’t know how you’re brave enough to do that. And I said, I don’t care. And I said, and I know that sounds very, you know, um, uh, I don’t know short maybe.

I mean I’m one of the most caring and compassionate people out there, but I don’t care if people are gonna watch my video and say, Oh she didn’t do that right. Or Oh she brought to mind or she did this or whatever. Those are not my people. That’s all of my audience. Right. So I, and I’ve really adapted that to all areas of my life, whether it’s my friends, whether it’s my, my family, my relationships, my work colleagues. You know, I know that I go out into the world every day with the best intention that I have in my heart. Right. And if I offend somebody and they’re not willing to communicate to me, they’re not my people, because my people will say to me, Oh, that hurt.

Did you mean it that way? Or they’ll say, ah, you know, I, I think this or I think that are, you know, I, I’m kind of babbling here, but yet you get my point, right? I do. And if they’re not your people, then they’re not your people. It’s that easy. So if you can go out and, and kind of have that attitude, and to me, I feel, you know, as a Christian, you get a lot of flack back, Oh, Christians are this or they’ve done that, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And one of the things that I feel is that, first of all, there’s good and bad in every single race, religion, country, town, city, whatever.

You know, I can say I’m from Montreal and people will say, Oh, well there’s bad. The mafia is in Montreal. Well that doesn’t make any, right. So you can’t judge a whole because of a few, right? Yeah, no, it’s just, who are you saying? I was just going to say, so this is what I mean by, you know, don’t let the people that are the naysayers stop you from living your truth because they’re just not your people.

Joshua T Berglan (36m 59s): 

People are going to judge you no matter what. They are going to criticize you no matter what it and it doesn’t, you know, they cheer you on the way up and then they, and then you get there and then the rooting for your downfall. I mean it’s just, I don’t understand those mentalities because I believe, but we should celebrate people’s success and then end up the not having success be there to encourage them because look, every one of us have a purpose. Every one of us have a reason to be here. And guess what? It’s not to be a piece of crap. It’s not to be, it’s not to be a butt head.

It’s to try to lead with love. It’s to serve humanity’s, to use our gifts to bless other people.

Stephanie Nielson (37m 37s): 

Hundred percent I’ve said for years and years and years that my motto is to live in love. I love it. Is that what’s that?

Joshua T Berglan (37m 46s): 

Isn’t that the greatest commandment?

Stephanie Nielson (37m 49s): 

Absolutely. And when I actually started, I mean, I remember very clearly when I adopted that lifestyle, if you will, and it was at a really difficult time in my life. I was suffering with panic and anxiety so badly that there were days that I was not able to get out of bed. I had two small children and I was, it took everything of my being to just take care of them because my panic and anxiety was so bad.

Unfortunately, I learned out two and a half years after that that it was my birth control pill that was causing this. So, you know, I eliminated that and got back to normal. But for those two and a half years, it was horrific. But it was in that time that I really started to develop my spiritual relationship because I, when I was in those moments of anxiety, I got to witness myself as a human being. And when I was in those moments of peace, I witnessed myself as a spiritual being.

So this is where I really started my journey. I’m understanding the difference and where to live. Right. Um, but the thing that, that, that taught me was I, that’s when I learn to live in love. And when I learn to live in love, all of the loneliness and the emptiness that I had feel, felt prior to in any disconnect that I felt or a rejection was gone. Wow. Cause it didn’t matter anymore.

I just lived in love. Right.

Joshua T Berglan (39m 27s): 

I love that. So what are you do? Like, what is your like what are you that I, that’s a, I don’t even know what you do, but I mean, there’s so much wisdom here. I’ve heard you talk about books and publishing articles. Are you a, are you a freaking genius? And I didn’t know it. Maybe I should have read your bio.

Stephanie Nielson (39m 43s): 

Okay. So here’s something that’s funny. Okay. While we talk about, when we talk about listening to other people instead of being true to what’s truth, right? Yeah. I did not even know that I was intelligent until I was in my late thirties because everybody told me that I was just a cute little blonde girl.

Joshua T Berglan (40m 8s): 

Uh, I’m colorblind, but I think your hair is red.

Stephanie Nielson (40m 11s): 

Well, it’s Brown. Yeah. And I’m brilliant by the way. Yeah.

Joshua T Berglan (40m 25s): 

Okay. So you were pulling back then the debt. So that hit, are you wearing a wig?

Stephanie Nielson (40m 31s): 

No, no, no, no. It’s me. It’s really, yeah. So to answer your question by day, I’m a business development manager for a, a global company in the hydro industry and I’m responsible for selling into North America the hydro. Yes. We, we uh, no hydro as in our generation electrical generation are the things that make our lights go on.

Joshua T Berglan (41m 2s): 

I interviewed a cannabis doctor, last lawyer,

Stephanie Nielson (41m 3s): 

I’m going to say that was your show the other day drive. The company that I worked for, we designed a matter of fact for generators and turbines. Oh wow. Yes.

Speaker 4 (41m 18s): 

Okay.

Stephanie Nielson (41m 20s): 

That’s kind of interesting in is super interesting. Yes.

Joshua T Berglan (41m 25s): 

How did you get from that to writing books about dating?

Stephanie Nielson (41m 29s): 

Well, the dating came first, so, um, yeah, so I think I published my, my book is called don’t be a dumb ass. Every guy’s got to get in. The girl really, really is right here if you want to see it. Yeah.

Joshua T Berglan (41m 44s): 

Oh yeah. You got to plug the book, get it closer to the camera at the people who can see it.

Stephanie Nielson (41m 49s): 

Is that help? I’ve been on radio and TV with this thing. Um, so anyways, that came out at a necessity back in 2012 I believe. I’m no, maybe a little earlier, maybe 2000. And anyways, it was a, it was quite a while ago and I was a single mom raising two kids on my own and again, got tired of dating, which is probably why I’m single all the time. But anyways, um, and I thought, you know what?

No one’s going to teach these guys what to do. So I’m going to teach them and I wrote the book, I’m going to teach women what to do, what I have been asked many times to write a sequel for women called don’t be a dome at the end of the girl’s guide to get the guy and I can link the to operate. Yeah,

Joshua T Berglan (42m 41s): 

it’s a different mindset. And another thing too, I want you to talk about, and maybe maybe this will go too far, but whatever, um, I want you to talk about, and I don’t know if you are able to do this, but the way that people post online, like let’s just go with women in how they post, and I’m not going to go into detail here, but how they post, do you believe that insecurities can be smelled through a post

Stephanie Nielson (43m 17s): 

and they can’t for men too? It’s not just women temperament.

Joshua T Berglan (43m 21s): 

The other, the reason I’m asking specifically for a reason about women though.

Stephanie Nielson (43m 26s): 

So yes, I do. And I think that, um, I think that your profile, whether it’s all of your stuff, social media, I mean, you have to be smart about it, right? I mean, people, your future employers can be looking at that. So how, how do you want people to see you? That’s your brand that you’re putting out there, right? I think is super important. But yes, I think that, I think that insecurities can be showcased in so many different ways by your social media, by your profiles, by you’re in person.

Um, you know, people, I mean, let’s take dating for example, right? And this is something that I’ve always struggled with. I, I’ve tried to, to get my head around this and have different coffee conversations around this with different people and um, I have never understood why we give so much more grace to our friends than we do to the person that we want to date. So for example, say you and I were dating and you said to me, okay, I’ll call you Friday at five o’clock, right?

And you get busy and you text me about eight and you say, Oh, sorry, I got a busy, you know, this came up. Can we talk tomorrow? Right? How many girls are going to be pissed off at you? Ally’s my best friend that did that to me. I’d be like, okay, no problem. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Why we have this difference?

Joshua T Berglan (44m 53s): 

I don’t know if somebody tells me they’re going to do something. And I think this is, um, I’m not saying I have Aspbergers, but I have like an Albert Berger’s effect. If you are doing something like my brain locks on to expecting it to happen and if it doesn’t happen I, it bothers me. I’m and I’m working on it. It’s not, it’s I agree because I do need to show more grace there but it is something I’m working on that, that, that problem has been exposed really over the last few months. Especially.

It’s something I get to work on but you tell me you’re going to call me at five and it’s eight o’clock I’ve already blocked you your phone over like you’re out of my life. I’m like done. Like I’ll call a couple of hospitals and after that I’m like yeah, you know what screw you I don’t need to do, I’m not saying its a good thing by the way I work on this.

Stephanie Nielson (45m 46s): 

Yes. And I mean what I’m saying is is I mean cause I am that person that if I say I’m going to do something, I’d do it. Right. If I say I’m going to meet you in three weeks at 7:00 PM on a Thursday night, I’m being in there unless something comes up because life does happen. But I’ll let you know. I’ll let you know either ahead of time or you know, with, with some sort of respect around it. Right. Yeah. But my point is, I guess I should have reframed it a bit differently. If somebody is changing plans with you respectfully, you can get upset with them, but if it’s your best friend, they don’t even really have to do that respectfully and you’re not that upset with them.

You know what I mean? Like I just feel like we hold different standards for people that were, we are wanting to be involved with.

Joshua T Berglan (46m 33s): 

It’s true. I mean, I agree with that. I will. It’s a kind of like the same thing. You know, we have a perfect stranger. Like what we, we drop our guard when we’re on people that we know and love and sometimes the way that we show up, I mean, we’re harder on the people that were closer to, I believe than strangers, different than what we were talking about. But you know, that’s, I don’t

Stephanie Nielson (47m 1s): 

the same vein right along. It’s along the same vein and I agree with you. I don’t know why we are rude or or more disrespectful to the people that are closest to us. Those are the ones that maybe we should be the kindness to though.

Joshua T Berglan (47m 15s): 

Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. Maybe there’s a no, I agree with that. But that’s, it’s interesting. Like I wonder if it’s like some form of mask or is it a front, like if we’re going to be a butt head to the people we love but not strangers. Does that make us hypocrites? Does it make it or are we not being authentic with other people to read? If we’re a butt heads, you lose me a butt head to everybody.

Stephanie Nielson (47m 40s): 

Wow. Well that’s a really good question actually. And I’m thinking about this because, so I believe that we need to be authentic. We need to be congruent, right? And I think we need to be respectful. And when we talk about living and love, we need to extend that to everybody. But I think we need to extend it to ourselves and we often forget that. And if we can extend it to ourselves first and fill our cup, then we have more to give to others.

And we often forget about ourselves first. This came up for me the other day. I was talking to my sister and I found that this was interesting because we got on the phone together and I said, you know, I’m really disappointed. I’m not doing more during a shutdown. And I know I’m doing my videos and I know I’m taking the dog for a run and I’m the one doing this and this and this. But you know, I always said that if I was able to stay at home for a long time at work, I would get these things down to every single day. And I’m not doing that. And my sister said, Oh, you know, I understand.

She goes, one day I’m productive, and the next day I’m not productive. And I said, but SIS, we’re going through such a hard time here and we don’t know the stresses that we’re putting on each other. Don’t be so mean to yourself. Be kind. And I thought, Oh, that’s interesting. I’m so quick to defend my sister who is basically saying the same thing I’m saying and yet I disappoint myself and beat myself up. Wow. Right. So I think we need to start looking at loving ourselves first.

Joshua T Berglan (49m 14s): 

Well, yeah, you can’t love anybody else. I mean it’s kinda like you can’t, you cannot be an honest person if you’re not honest with yourself. Exactly. You know, if you’re not being honest with yourself is there is no way that you can show up in a, in an authentic way.

Stephanie Nielson (49m 31s): 

Right. Right. And I think that this lines up with the whole thing about what you were saying about, you know, how we treat others. Right? So again, I, and I’m a big believer, we have to bring everything to ourselves first. Right. And Jesus taught that if you want love, be love. If you want acceptance, be acceptance. If you want kindness, be kindness. Right? Yeah. Because

Joshua T Berglan (49m 58s): 

we really do get to be what we choose to be. It’s our choice. You want to be a happy, choose to be happy. Make it sound so simple.

Stephanie Nielson (50m 9s): 

It is though, like it sincerely is like once you get, it is so simple and it’s a, it comes from awareness. You have to elevate the awareness so that you can recognize it. So like for example, at the beginning of the pandemic when everything was happening and I didn’t know what was happening just like everybody else, right? There are moments that I bought in to fear. And in those moments immediately I got awareness this and I went no. And I turned to God, whether it was a pastor that I like or words in the Bible or whatever, I turned to God, whether it was just a prayer and it would immediately be gone and I’d be right again going, I know this is going to be fine because God’s always got my back.

Joshua T Berglan (50m 53s): 

He does. He really does.

Stephanie Nielson (50m 56s): 

I can look over the course of my life and I’ve gone through, you know, less than pleasant things and he was always there. He had my backs where all of it. And why would he change that now?

Joshua T Berglan (51m 8s): 

I agree a hundred percent right? I listened for the sake of time. Um, we need to cut this, we need to end this because we are going to lose our live broadcast, uh, for on the three 60 network. But um, this was fun. Well on, we get lazy with people we are close to because we were having a level of comfort that makes us not worry about them leaving. Wow. That’s really good. Jess. A, it all boils down to the grave. No, it doesn’t justify it. And at all we need to send it to others and others are and ourselves, we will fail.

Plain and simple. That’s true. Um, wow. That’s good stuff. After the, after the shutdown, I turned a God to help me after what I had and the last five years of my life, God has blessed. Always be kind and faithful. Yeah. God, anything that will give God, he’ll use it. Absolutely. That’s right. Wow. There’s all kinds of comments coming in now. I believe that it’s about access. The way that some speak to me is completely different to what I allow for my friends. Yeah. Sharon’s heard my wrath a few times because I can be a bit of a diva sometimes.

Another thing I’m working on, I get a little moody.

Stephanie Nielson (52m 23s): 

I look at your awareness and it looks like you’ve got people around you that support you and that will call you out. That’s to people that your true friends.

Joshua T Berglan (52m 29s): 

You’re a hundred percent right. I’m so fortunate because I do have an in, in, in fairness. Um, like with , like I always, she is somebody I go to for feedback. She’s one of the few people I trust. Jessica also is somebody that I trust for feedback. Um, I think I would trust you for feedback to actually, you’re somebody that I would do that so, but I have a very, very few. Anyone else, if you give me feedback, I’m, I may bite your face if you don’t, if you don’t say, Hey, do you mind if I give you feedback?

But I will seek it from, you know, people like yourself, Shirin, Jessica, I have, I trust, I trust the judgment.

Stephanie Nielson (53m 11s): 

Yes. Yeah. And self up for feeling like you would bite somebody’s face off if they, if you didn’t request the feedback where they, you know, I mean some people that to me there is a boundary there. You have to request, do mind if I give you feedback?

Joshua T Berglan (53m 26s): 

Yes, that’s right. That’s the way diva isn’t one of the payment. Wow. Jessica, thanks to my manager goats. I really like her anyway. Um, but no, a prime example, the reason why it’s important to ask if may I give you feedback is because you don’t know what they just do. You don’t, you don’t know where their head’s at and maybe they’re stressed out. For instance, if somebody would have given me feedback five minutes before I started to show, I would of been, I would have not only bit hit their face, I would’ve been in a nastier mood than I already was in pain.

I was in the Headspace to hear feedback yet in like if you were in a relationship and you need to speak to your, your spouse, your husband, it’s always good. Hey, can I give you feedback or Hey, can we, can we sit and talk about something? Are you, are you, is this a good time to talk, if anything that may disarm them to be able to come in here? Absolutely. And you may mention something there that people overlook all the time. The timing I’m getting picked on now.

This is not fair. This is my show and I’m getting picked on your, your hands are in questions with questions not showing me your, Sharon’s picking on me. Jessica’s picking on me, but I am lovable seeing. There you go. Thank you so many women in your life. I have almost zero male relationships in my life. I think my stepdad and my pastor I’m in, in Glen who’s also from my church.

That’s about it. I don’t have many men in my, it’s mostly women. Oh yeah. Um, Oh. How cute. Alright. Um, God bless you. Thank you so much for being here and I look forward to speaking. Yeah, we do on Monday. Can’t wait to see you.

Okay. All right you guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for everyone who liked shared subscribed, you know, again, thank you. Uh, those of you who were able to, um, yeah, she’s, she’s fantastic. Thank you. Mona. You’re an amazing person to plug your jewelry business if you’d like to a Mona. All right, you guys, God bless. Thank you. Tomorrow night, six 30 central time. So it’s an hour and a half past this start time. Uh, it will be word of God presents Gratitude UnFiltered.

We’ll be filming live in front of a studio audience. Again, a studio audience, congregation, same difference, but it’s going to be a of fun. And I hope you guys join us. You’re going to absolutely love Tyler Coleman. She’s, she’s terrific. Todd heart. God bless you, man.

Speaker 5 (56m 31s): 

Mmm.

Joshua T Berglan (56m 33s): 

I have a great weekend and I will see you guys soon. Bye.