Gratitude to My Greatest Teacher

With only a couple of days left in the year, like most I have my own year-end process of reflecting upon the year behind and looking ahead to what's possible. And I'm sitting here on my couch, with my pug to my side (snoring of course) and looking out the beauty of the snow that has blanketed Believe & See Ranch, my gratitude is deep, and instead of sharing my year-end process, I feel compelled to share something a lot more personal.

Without my greatest teacher, advocate, and catalyst, I wouldn't be here. Yes, that teacher is a horse.

This post freaks me out a tad - especially here on LinkedIn - with so many of my former corporate colleagues who maybe don't know what I've been up to lately and still consider me the left-brained - numbers and strategy person.

However, it's time to fully come out of my own self-imposed box of trying to fit into a preconceived perception of what a coach is supposed to be.

Yes of course there's always a practical and strategic application to all the work I do with my clients - the 20 years of corporate experience has given me a firm foundation in all things business & leadership.

However at the root of all success, is always the inner journey, the personal growth, and transformation. Business is relatively simple, people are complicated.

Whether I was in corporate or an entrepreneur, my success always followed who I was BE-ing much more than what I was doing.

There's a quote I love that will set the background for what I write below

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" - Lao Tzu

Inside the eyes and soul of a horse, is not where I thought I’d find “me”.

Yet that’s where for the first time I saw the real me reflected back. Raw, real, vulnerable, and beyond imperfect.

Just like him.

Two misfits, perfectly matched. However, I didn't know that at first.

He was the horse I rode in my lessons. He was funny & charming with a strong dominant streak.

After being passed around from person to person, like a piece of farm equipment, for so many years when my riding coach retired and he had nowhere to go, I didn't have the heart to let him just be passed on again with an uncertain future.

At 15, with "known issues" he'd be lucky to find a permanent home, and I didn't want to see him get passed around again, or worse end up on the back of a meat truck.

So here I was at 38, getting into horses for the first time, and super excited to have my own horse. A 15-year-old "rescue" with baggage.

Sigh. You don't know what you don't know.

When I say I had no idea what I was getting myself into, it's an understatement.

Between his “quirks” and my fears... He certainly was too much horse for me at first. When I think back now to my skill level - or rather lack thereof, I do wonder what anyone was thinking.

However, things that are "meant to be", rarely ever make sense at first. It was an intuitive nudge and I followed it.

The journey was anything but smooth or a Disney Special where the inexperienced girl gets the horse and they make it work.

Having been a lesson/trail horse for so long he didn’t really know that he could have his very own human. He had stopped trusting humans a long time ago.

I'm embarrassed to admit, that at the beginning of our journey, while I was his "owner" I wasn't his "partner".

I was really just a part-time rider. I didn’t know any better.

That’s all I knew about horses. You ride them.

We had no relationship for the longest time I was just that person that showed up once a week and expected him to be perfect for an hour and give me snuggles when we were done.

And I got from him exactly what I put into our relationship. Nothing.

I realized one day we had a problem, and that problem was me. It wasn't fair to just use him this way. He deserved a partner.

And so I made a commitment to him that I was going to change and be there for him.

Forever.

It wasn’t always easy.

He didn’t believe me at first. He tested me BIG TIME.

He gave me every reason to give up. There were a lot of scary moments, frustrating moments, eating dirt moments, almost being trampled moments, being dragged moments, handing him to someone else in terror while he danced around on the lead rope or had all four feet up in the air.

I thought he was difficult.

He thought I wasn't committed.

He wanted me to prove I was in it for the long haul.

I had people - way more experienced in horsemanship tell me he was the wrong horse for me, and to rehome him and fine one whose temperament was a better match for my skill level.

I questioned my own abilities, and sanity, so often.

I wondered if he'd be better served by someone with more experience, more courage, and more skill.

I had a lot of days where I thought of giving up.

I knew deep down in my soul however that I wasn’t going to give up. He is an individual, a soul, a sentient being. He wasn't my horse just for my pleasure. I made a commitment to him, and I was going to keep it.

And, despite the challenges, there was (and still is) something between us, a raw, visceral connection.

Almost like we’ve met before in another lifetime.....somehow he’d been with me long before I ever knew him.

I had to find the courage to love him unconditionally, and do the things he needed, even when it was hard, scary or way beyond my comfort zone - physically, financially and emotionally.

He wasn't a "difficult" horse. He just lived through a lot of difficult circumstances. When those went away, so did his "difficulties".

The thing about a horse is they are so forgiving, and when you show them you will be there for them, they give you everything.

I mean everything. It makes me emotional just to write it.

He's shown me his appreciation in spades, carrying me, holding me, embracing me, protecting me, and most importantly loving me.

He’s stepped up to every new thing I’ve taught him with so much pride in himself and wanting to please me.

He continues to this day.

We're definitely an “odd couple” in someways, and yet perfectly matched.

We’re both stubborn, outgoing, highly sensitive, intuitive, clumsy, high preference, moody, laugh at our own jokes, we keep our circle of trust small, and to those we DO let in, we’re forever loyal.

We’ve walked quite a journey together these last 13 years, though I’ve not always been deserving he’s always been forgiving.

In the last 9 years as we transitioned from simply horse and weekend rider to really embrace and walk the path of relationship and consciousness, we’ve both transformed.

Neither of us transformed into something "different". We transformed in our beliefs about bringing forth who we really are.

For years we both held it back. We both allowed ourselves to be defined and limited by other people's perceptions of us.

As individuals, and as partners we helped each other to step into our fullest expression of ourselves.

He needed someone who believed in him and allowed him to be himself, to express himself, to be understood as a sentient, intelligent, sensitive, opinionated, loving, caring, generous being. Someone who understood he had a purpose, that he wasn’t just there for my pleasure. Someone who wanted to be his partner and friend not “show him who’s boss”.

He needed someone who would give him a permanent home.

I needed someone to teach me about unconditional love, courage, trust, breaking comfort zones. And to show me that I was more than my limits or belief. And that I could create what I didn’t even have the courage to dream about for the longest time.

I needed someone to show me who I was being at my best and at my worst.

Even though he taught me to ride he taught me something even more important - and that is that when in true relationships with a horse,?riding is the LEAST important thing.

He taught me what horsemanship really means.

And everything he taught me has a ripple effect into my whole life.

• He taught me about boundaries and trust.
• He taught me about empowering myself.
• He taught me that just because everyone is doing it one way, doesn’t mean it’s the right or only way.
• He taught me presence and stillness.
• He taught me the difference between power and force. And how the power of a whisper can be stronger than the loudest voice/
• He taught me about forgiveness.
• He taught me about vulnerability.
• He taught me about standing in my truth even when it's hard or scary or others judge me
• He taught me what it really means to be a coach, and how to be a good one
• He taught me about transformation and pushing past comfort zones
• He taught me about purpose. Both his and mine.

As his riding days came to a close a few years ago, he's embraced his new role as one of our coaches here at Believe & See Ranch.

He's no longer that frustrated, scared horse acting out - he's a Sage, wise, calm, trustworthy, intuitive, and knowing.

His name is Chip. He’s a healer ....and it's time to come clean - so am I.

He helped me to see and accept it and to walk this path that I'm on now.

And yes, it terrifies me to use the H word and write this post.

It terrifies me to sometimes speak of the softer, more ethereal part of the work I do.

For the longest time, I was afraid to share on LinkedIn how I work with horses, and kept it purely on the scientific aspect of it, and held back the more spiritual aspect of it.

I mean, after all, I spent so many years in my left brain, and even as I've walked this journey of entrepreneurship, and more importantly, dedicated to the path of self-mastery (it's a perpetual path it will never be a destination) the "shoulds" "musts" and other narratives have played out.

However I learned long ago, that money is just a doorway into the depths of a person's soul.

What they believe, who they are, their deepest desires, pleasure and pain.

And when you heal what's at the core of it all - then it all heals - money included.

My clients who are making massive leaps -?the journey has been inward first, and then in practical action later, it's been the same for me and?my own quantum leaps in my income.

I'm so grateful to be on this journey to my best self and my best life. To be part of a legacy of teachers, healers and mentors who pay it forward, and help others step into THEIR best life.

I've had many mentors and teachers along the way, I've invested with some of the best in the industry - upwards of 6 figures annually.

Yet who knew the most powerful teacher I had, the teacher who would help me truly get out of my own way, the teacher who showed me everything I could be, the teacher who demanded nothing but excellence, who knew that teacher would be a horse?

Who knew that deep in his eyes, I'd find my soul's work and calling. Who knew he would crack me open and leave me vulnerable, raw and exposed.

Who knew through him I'd find the courage to build this business, to walk my own path, to lose the fear of what others think, to find my power, and eventually buy my ranch.

He did. He knew.

They broke the mold when they made him. I'm grateful for all of it.

So as I sit here as the year winds down, and I look out at this place that at one time I didn't even have the courage to dream about, my growing herd of 4 horses, all amazing teachers, and healers in their own way, living and working in my purpose, I know that without Chip, and his belief in me, none of it would be possible.

And so, instead of sharing my year-end process - I figured enough coaches have done that, I wanted to share and acknowledge my gratitude for my greatest teacher & catalyst.

He's forever changed me, and I hope that one day you too get the opportunity to meet him and experience his magic.

Have a very Happy New Year.