Gratitude in Motion

Gratitude is most commonly understood as a reflective practice, such as journaling what we’re thankful for or taking moments to appreciate life.

While static practices are impactful, we can also learn to use values in action.

Gratitude can be a dynamic, practical tool for guiding our responses to people and circumstances when our default reactions are likely to be triggered.

As leaders, we are constantly presented with scenarios that test our patience, challenge our assumptions, and evoke emotions like defensiveness, reactivity, judgment, shame, and fear.

These responses are innately human and expected but can degrade trust, collaboration, and progress if left unchecked.

When used as an active reminder, gratitude can counter our default tendencies and help us keep our egos out of the driver's seat.

Here are five ways to put gratitude in motion during situations we commonly face:

Receiving Feedback: Gratitude > Defensiveness

Feedback, especially when it’s critical, can trigger defensiveness.

Our default reaction is to justify and explain, which risks shutting down the conversation—we don’t learn, and the other person doesn’t feel heard.

Instead, take a breath and use gratitude to reframe your response:

“Thank you for sharing this with me—I realize it probably took a lot of courage to have this conversation.”

This simple acknowledgment shifts us out of defense mode, opens the door to understanding, and shows that we’re committed to listening and getting better.

Handling Conflict: Gratitude > Reactivity

In moments of conflict, our ego reacts quickly, and we become emotional, completely derailing the productive tension that could be occurring.

Gratitude can serve as a pattern interrupt to detach from frustration:

“I appreciate that we care enough about this project to have a hard conversation—let’s step back and see where we’re talking past each other.”

This approach reframes confrontation to collaboration, creating space for healthy debate and conflict.

Making Decisions: Gratitude > Judgement

When faced with differing viewpoints during decision-making, it’s easy to dismiss perspectives that don’t align with our own and slip into judgment.

Judgment shuts down creative thinking and discourages others from contributing.

Gratitude can help us remain curious, open-minded, and approachable:

“I appreciate your input. Can you explain your idea further?”

The point is not to accept all ideas—it’s to make people feel like we’re listening, even if the concept doesn’t contribute to the final decision.

To state this bluntly, the inability to navigate alternative perspectives without ego significantly impedes the ability to lead.

Managing Performance: Gratitude > Blame, Shame, and Guilt

When team members fall short of expectations, the worst thing we can do is ignite shame and guilt as leaders. And no, that doesn’t mean we coddle them.

It’s easy to become frustrated when someone repeats a mistake. The more challenging (and correct) path is to take responsibility and ask ourselves where we’ve been complicit in creating the conditions (or lack thereof).

For starters, gratitude can redirect our frustration to leading and teaching:

“I appreciate the effort you’re putting in, and I also believe there’s an opportunity for us to work together to address these areas of improvement.”

Gratitude helps shift the conversation from punitive to constructive, empowering someone to believe they can improve.

Leading Through Change: Gratitude > Fear

Change and uncertainty naturally evoke fear, both in ourselves and our teams. However, gratitude can ground us and create stability when our minds get stuck projecting terrible, unlikely outcomes.

When leading through adversity, disarm the fear-based outcome thinking and shift to action-oriented steps forward:

“I appreciate your trust and flexibility as we navigate this situation—I’m confident we can figure it out together. Here’s the plan moving forward…”

Resilience and fear do not mix well. This simple acknowledgment allows us to maintain composure and reinforces a sense of shared purpose for the team: logic always prevails over emotion.

Defensiveness, reactivity, judgment, shame, and fear all share a common thread—nothing beneficial happens when they are present.

It’s worth repeating: Operating in ego and emotion will not produce anything productive, so it's essential to raise our standards and create habits, systems, and practices that shift us and those we lead into a mode that will maintain trust.

Gratitude is a great place to start, and the same concept applies to curiosity, humility, empathy, kindness, etc.

Default behaviors are easy, but doing the opposite to lead with values in motion is not. We must learn to counter innate, ego-driven tendencies.

As always, we must lead ourselves before we can lead others, and part of that is reminding ourselves to be grateful for our capacity to regulate our behavior.

Happy Thanksgiving—I hope you all enjoy this time to slow down with family and friends!

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” -John F. Kennedy

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