Gratitude Mindset - Lessons from Kindergarten

In our weekly school newsletter, the Sidwell Friends School Lower School Principal wrote about cultivating a gratitude mindset. Since GRATITUDE is my word for 2024 - her letter really resonated with me!?

We all know that some of the best lessons we all can learn are the ones we learned in Kindergarten.Therefore, I wanted to share her thoughts (with her permission!) as well as some of the small action steps she suggests we can take with even our smallest friends.? And since starting new habits (and breaking old ones!) are hard to do - perhaps even we adults should start small and find little ways we can have a gratitude mindset… I added a few challenges and thoughts on what we can do to try to role model this in our daily personal and professional lives…

For my summer and auxiliary programs friends, especially all my SPARC, Summer Programs and Auxiliary Revenue Collaborative peeps - as youth development leaders - there are many applicable lessons to the work we are doing in independent schools through our school-year and summer programming!? Can you imagine the IMPACT on our greater communities if all our participants and staff came out with gratitude mindsets!? If those participants and staff then ‘infected’ their families and their other communities?? We would have a lot more peace and joy out there… it sounds pretty nice!

So in our summer and school-year programs:

• How can we create gratitude-filled cultures?? How do we role model and imbed it in our activities and events?
• How can we be intentional about our offerings to help our students and campers develop gratitude mindsets at an early age???
• How can we work with our stressed out high school and college staff to learn these habits to help them be healthier young adults with an eye toward better work/life balance???
• How can we manage our helicopter or tiger parents and reinforce that a gratitude mindset is more helpful than a deprivation mindset (and to be nicer to our staff and those of us working with their children!)?

Here are some excerpts from the LS Principal’s letter (I hope it makes you smile and think about things you are grateful for as much as it did for me):

“Gratitude is more than just a pleasant feeling or a superficial acknowledgement of good things; it’s actually a powerful tool for enhancing overall well-being. A mindset of gratitude is the opposite of a deprivation mindset.

People with a gratitude mindset, tend to focus on:

• What we have, what we will have, or what we can do;
• Our own “Light” or strengths, and the “Light” in others;
• The present moment;
• The things that are going well in our lives; and
• What we admire or like in others.

People with a deprivation mindset, tend to focus on:

• What we don’t have, can’t have, or are missing out on (and what others DO have);
• Our own weaknesses and the weaknesses in others;
• The past and the future;
• Things that are not going well in our lives or that we’re not succeeding at (often in comparison to others); and
• What we don’t like about others.

While some people might be more predisposed to looking at the world one way or the other (Pooh vs. Piglet vs. Eeyore!), mindsets are actually learned and can always be “tuned.” Intentionally “tuning” ourselves to orient toward gratitude can have a tremendous impact on physical and emotional well-being. In 2003, there was a landmark study out of the University of California, Davis, that found that simply writing down the things you are grateful for daily had a huge impact on wellness. This finding has been supported by a boatload of follow-up studies, all of which have found that the practice of noticing and expressing gratitude has a positive effect on emotional health, interpersonal relationships, and physical well-being.?

There are small but impactful things you can do—starting tomorrow—to help cultivate this mindset for yourself and for your kids:

• Notice and name: Intentionally practice being appreciative and make it a habit: Write it down, say it out loud. The more you practice, the more appreciative you'll be. One suggestion to help very young children begin to understand gratitude is simply to talk to them about small moments of joy, like how cozy the blanket feels, how delicious the blueberry you’re eating is, how pretty the clouds are, etc.?

Adult Challenge from Karen - try starting and ending your day with noticing and naming the small moments of joy - the walk with a colleague to get a Peppermint Mocha to warm up after a chilly carpool (Thanks Cate Woodward for always being up for a walk) or giving a team member positive feedback on a job well done, or just a thank you to the barista as you pick up your morning java before they say anything to you.

• Ask good questions: Lecturing on gratitude never works, but asking questions to help a child take note of when they’ve experienced something kind, thoughtful, wonderful, joyful helps them start to notice themselves. For example: How did it make you feel when your friend shared their toy with you? How did it feel to be outside with your friends today?

Adult Challenge from Karen - ask some curious questions to help those team members celebrate the impact of their work - for example, Elizabeth Mayer , Director of Summer Programs, how does it make you feel to know you delegate well and your Sidwell Summer team is feeling empowered? Or extended day team member, how did it feel to be leading that group today, they seem so energized and happy? Or again your favorite drink server, "Wow, I noticed how that customer was really happy with how you just made them feel when you called them by name and handed them their drink, How does it feel knowing how you just made their morning??"

• Model it: Grateful parents raise grateful kids. When your child demonstrates thoughtfulness, make a big deal about it; letting them be the recipients of your gratitude helps them cultivate their own. When parents regularly take time to express their gratitude to others, it signals to kids that other people are important, their contributions are important, and it’s a family practice to recognize it.

Adult Challenge from Karen - role model showing gratitude and watch how it moves forward.? Is there a way you can show thanks to your clients, your partners, and others in your community that shows you care? I tried at an early age to be a role model for my own kids showing gratitude and respect to the Security Staff, the Cleaning staff, and the amazing dining staff that prepared our lunches with hopes they saw how important their role was in the success of our summer operations.?

• Shift self talk: Listen in to your internal (or external!) monologue. Are you often comparing yourself with others? Are you engaging in negative self talk? Intentionally shift your self talk (I can, I have, I get to, I choose to…). And (pro tip!) if fear-of-missing-out or unhealthy comparisons are among your challenges, make sure you’re really mindful of your social media consumption.

Adult Challenge from Karen - I have shared this with a few different audiences but colleagues in another department made a huge impression on me a few years a back when they used language like “thank you for the opportunity to work on this project with us”, “we appreciate you giving us the opportunity to partner with you”... shift your mindset - you get to do the amazing work that you get to do each day.? I choose to look at the positive,... shift your self talk and it makes a huge shift in how you approach things!? Last night, my college senior was lamenting about a shift in her lab schedule with more students sharing the space - I challenged her to find the positives in this change - would there be more friends to help support each other in their long work on honors and thesis projects, people for her to help mentor, and a professor to show how good of a teammate and peer she can be?

• Don’t overdo it: For some families, making gratitude a daily habit at the dinner table or starting gratitude journaling works great and feels super authentic. But a little can also go a long way. Go for a once-a-week gratitude talk, and move up from there as it feels right.

Adult Challenge from Karen - my mentor and friend Laura Pfeiffer Kelly introduced me to the 5 Minute Journal a few years back and it was the right level of taking on the habit of journaling for me -? starting and ending the day with small reflections and gratitude.? List three things each morning you are grateful for.? My life coach Susie Pettit Mental Health Coach for Women does these wonderful daily facebook posts - little reflections to start the day.

The principal’s letter concluded with “When we think about the mental health of little people, it can feel overwhelming and hard to find a tangible pathway forward. Gratitude is one step—small but with an outsized impact. On your mark, get set, let’s “tune” our mindsets—and those of our little ones!” I am grateful for you reading this - if you have thoughts on ways to create gratitude mindsets - please share ideas in the comments!

My Word for 2024 is GRATITUDE and right now, for me this means:

• Showing appreciation for the amazing things in my life that bring me meaning, joy and purpose
• Showing appreciation for the small things I might sometimes take for granted?
• Appreciating what I have achieved
• Appreciating what I can give to others
• Acknowledging past regrets and reframing them to extract learnings
• Appreciating what I have
• Being thankful for what I have let go of

If you have a Word for the Year - please share it in the comments.? I have been choosing a Word of the Year since 2019 and am fascinated by what people choose and how it impacts them!