Gratitude Is A Life I Designed

The truth is I was never all that grateful.?

Sure, I was thankful for a lot of things going on in my life, but to be completely honest I wasn’t really all that grateful. I understood the meaning. I just didn’t practice its definition.?

It took some serious life changes and a considerable amount of self-reflection to take a step outside of myself and see the blessings that I have. Up until a year ago, I took it all for granted.?

Most of what I thought to be grateful for fell into only a few categories. Health. Wealth. Status, and opportunity.?

If I had to be even more honest, I had none of those things. At least if I measured them by societal standards.?

So, I wasn’t really all that grateful. I wasn’t really all that happy either.?

And it's hard too. No one has taught us that. Well for me at least.?

I wasn’t all that much of an insufferable twat. I was going through the motions of my life like everyone else. I just didn’t take into account what wealth, power, and opportunity I had.

In the hustle of chasing things, I thought that was required by me, I forgot what was important.?

Taking stock of my life, I concluded that most of what I thought and felt wasn’t me at all. I was projecting someone else’s expectations. I was far away from my authentic self.?

For example, I used to be a clothes horse. I dressed to impress every time I walked out the door. Spared no expense. With moderate consideration of course.?

Same thing with books. I had shelves of recent releases so that I could be the first in my circle to read.?

I hung out with people I didn’t like. Moderation was a word other people used. I looked and acted on the part. All while believing I was happy but never grateful. Never content.??

And if anything off-set that, I fell like a house of cards.?

One dip in the rollercoaster ride to the next. Only to rebuild my castle on quicksand.?

That in a nutshell was my entire adult life. Chasing things without a finish line in sight.?

Now I wish I could say there was some pivotal moment that changed everything. Like an “Oprah Aha moment” that I could attribute to a 180 in thought.?

Life is not all that romantic. And the scriptwriter to my life left that out in my hero’s journey.?

What took place was a series of steps that led me toward a different path of self-discovery. I got sober. I stopped looking for monsters that were not there.?

I went back to see if the story I was told was true.?

The real progress was finally accepting myself for all the cracks and chips in my character. I forgave myself. I wasn’t damaged. I am a work of art.?

I was a book that wasn’t finished yet.?

What followed was an enormous sense of relief. And that is when I truly felt gratitude. Because in those first few moments, I saw the world for the first time and marveled at its beauty.?

The world opened up to me and I to it. I felt a sense of freedom.

My experience wasn’t something out of a self-help manifesto. I just turned down the volume around me and listened to what my heart and mind were saying. I accepted my truth.?

And the universe replied in kind.?

It showed me gratitude in the most simple of gestures. I was allowed to see that I have enormous power inside of me. The reality is that I was living in a world that was created by my hand.?

And I could change it at any given moment.?

So I did.?

I refocused my energy. I plotted my next course of action. I put away the things that had no value. I gave attention to the parts of my life that I had neglected for so long.

In doing so, I felt an abundance of gratitude.?

Every morning I wake up at 4:00 am to write. I grab a cup of coffee and sit at a large desk with a notebook and an ink gel pen. Blue is the color I am using today.?

I scribble furiously for two hours before I start my day.?

And every morning without fail, I pause at some point and get this overwhelming sense of joy. I recognize how blessed I am that I woke up this morning and was allowed to write.?

Even if it’s just for myself.?

And when the morning sun crests over my roof and chases away the shadows from my yard, I am grateful that I get to feel its warmth on my face for one more day.?

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

When my dog makes her morning debut with a wag of her tail, I see the gratitude in her face because she sees the gratitude in mine.

At breakfast, lunch, and dinner I am grateful that I have a warm meal. I am even more grateful that I have a home to call my own.?

When I am low on books the library is only 6 blocks from my house. The librarians know my face. They answer all my endless questions and always seem to make sure I have what I need.

And I am grateful for that.

I have a family that loves me the only way they know how. I have a handful of friends who take me for who I am. And there is something to be said when the people in your life love you without fail.?

Being grateful has given me such abundance. I have more wealth than I could know what to do with.?

I am healthy enough that I have no dietary restrictions because I love chocolate ice cream and brats without buns.?

The status that I concern myself with now is one of gratitude.?

My opportunities are everywhere. I just have to reach for them.

The life I am living now is by design. I sacrificed tremendously to finally achieve a life of gratitude. And the best part is, I get to decide what kind of life that will be.

And I am grateful for that.??

Take a moment to yourself and realize how blessed you are.?

Inhale. Feel your fingertips to your toes. Look outside if you can or look inside all the same, and marvel at all the possibilities that are in front of you.?

Be grateful, because you are without a doubt the most important person in your life. And once you figure that out, the rest is easy.?

Thank you to everyone who takes the time out of their day to read what I contribute. I am truly blessed and grateful that you have given me your most valuable asset.?

Your time.??????