With Gratitude

Many have said that tough times allow you to grow and become stronger. However, it is difficult to appreciate that when one is going through it.

A year ago, my dad passed away. It was a major blow for me as Dad and I were really close and had a special bond. I can read his mind and he, mine. We had nicknames for each other and I had always insisted playfully that I was his favourite.

 Though his passing was inevitable, I struggled to make sense of it and for a long time, would wake up in the middle of the night, either with a pain in my heart or just crying.

 When I am in pain and grieving, I just want to be who I am and have someone to hear me talk, even if I don’t make any sense.

The best advice I received was from my sister when my dad passed on, was, “There is no perfect death.” The statement brought tremendous comfort to me because with that, I came up with different scenarios of my dad’s passing and wondered if there was a better way for him to leave that would make it easier for us. And indeed, there is no perfect death.  

I reminded myself to keep moving forward and that things will get better. I draw comfort from the familiar things. I found stability in my routine.

It is true that we are all creatures of habit and I remember what my mentor, Tom Kinsman, used to tell me , “who you are is what you habitually do.” I didn’t want to be in pain and I know that I didn’t need to punish myself.

Then one day, everything started to feel better. I have gratitude in my heart. My family is here for me and I have wonderful colleagues who support me.

I am sharing this because, as a result of what I had gone through, I can empathise better with others. Not long ago, a friend of mine lost her husband and I was glad that I was able to be there for her and share the pain that she was going through.

If you are going through a difficult time right now, remember to be gentle with yourself. There is no rationality in grief. But you will regain your balance and reclaim the quiet joy. Know that things will get better. Don’t give up