The Gratitude-Encouragement Connection

When anecdotes about etiquette and civility cross my path, I use them as inspiration for my columns. When they come in clumps, I see that as a signal to focus my attention. With the power that emerges when we engage in gratitude and encouragement, magic can happen in our lives. Unfortunately, in today’s fast-paced fear-filled world, we too often miss these two significant motivators and unnecessary suffering results. I will use three situations to exemplify this dynamic.

In the first instance, I recently spoke with a government employee who shared that there was never any praise for a job well done in their department. I was shocked because their position was customer service related and performed at a very high level. A toxic workplace has slowly developed where the best-performing employees leave their positions, and morale plummets amidst unchecked backstabbing that is typically symptomatic of this dynamic. Sadly, people in a position to make the necessary changes and turn this situation in a positive direction need to gain the required skills despite being aware of the unrest, which frustrates everyone.

I also had the pleasure of speaking with an elected official who exemplifies community spirit. I thanked them for setting an example for people on social media and in life. Even though this was part of their job, they thanked me for my words of encouragement.

The third example is a story from a friend who works in a coffee shop. She took the job to make a living and relieve her loneliness and despair. After a year, she realized that her work helped solve both problems. She wrote a letter to the entire staff, thanking them for helping her overcome some tough challenges. Little did she know they would post her letter publicly for everyone - co-workers and customers – to see. When she inquired why the note was displayed, her boss told her it was because she brought so much love and kindness to her work.??

Looking closely at these three examples, we can understand the power of gratitude and encouragement. In the first instance, a void where neither praise nor encouragement was offered resulted in a toxic workplace that created unnecessary suffering. Customer service quality will decline if allowed to continue, resulting in complaints and an even more toxic environment. Sadly, this is the predominant status quo in the workplace today. If all it takes is being a little bit nicer, as some will presume, to put things right, that would be a relatively easy fix. Unfortunately, toxic workplaces also foment responsibility, awareness, humility, and compassion deficiencies. This dynamic creates a steep hill to climb, and turning such a toxic environment around is only sometimes possible by engaging in significant changes.?

In the lawmaker's case, the surprise of receiving a compliment caught them off-guard. Government officials and other public servants live in an unbalanced world regarding praise and criticism. As a public, we take potshots at their every move, taking some sick pleasure in calling them out whenever possible - usually picking the low-hanging fruit. If only we were as vigilant in acknowledging their good works and praising them accordingly. People in positions of authority benefit from praise just as we do. We also help by showing gratitude to people who do things for us, whether employed or not. After all, we can never say thank you too often.

The third example shows someone going out of their way to compose a heartfelt note of appreciation to their whole team. You can tell from their reaction to posting the message publicly that it significantly impacted the team.?

From these examples, you can see the connection between gratitude and encouragement. Showing thanks is a subtle form of motivation. All of us feel better when others praise us for anything we do. Because we feel like we belong, we feel safer. Feeling safe is our primary driver, and our vigilant assessment of our environs and inhabitants has never seemed more central.?

In addition to heightening our senses, the pandemic has furthered the loneliness epidemic many now endure. Whenever we can connect with friends and family, we will provide the connections we crave and thrive with that we have missed. Giving folks a helping hand or a leg up as they encounter challenges along the way also makes a difference - sometimes life-altering. Think back to when this happened in your life. Would you have benefitted from getting a pat on the back more often? Do we deserve all the praise we get? Are we as generous of spirit as we can be when engaging with others??

Thinking about these questions helps us see how important gratitude and encouragement are in our lives.?