Gratitude During Tough Times

Back in 2014, the Brain Injury Association of New Hampshire asked me to become a regular contributing columnist for their print publication HEADWAY.

I just sent in my newest article to be published next month. Shared before, I love writing about my home-state experiences.

In ?????????????????? ???????????? ?????????? ??????????, I talk about a mindset that has helped us to stay reasonable well during these uncertain times.

The BIANH has evolved during the pandemic. Many support group meetings are now on Zoom. As a board member, I no longer have to take the 100 mile round trip to our board meetings as these have moved to Zoom as well.

I must confess that I have not been writing as much as I would like to. The pandemic has made it tough to focus at times.

But man o' man, it feels so good to write.

Because HEADWAY has a very limited distribution, I would like to share my most recent writing with you today.

I wish you health, safety... and peace.

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Our world continues to change in ways none of us expected. Every day, the seemingly endless drumbeat of doom gets louder and louder. It’s far too easy to get swept away in a tide of negativity and fear. But today I want to bring us back to a couple of human elements that seem to have become lost amidst the din of the pandemic.

Let’s talk about hope and optimism.

Years ago, I learned a tough life lesson. My mind is like a giant magnifying glass. Whatever it focuses on gets disproportionally large. If most of my focus stays on the increasing numbers, the incomprehensible loss of life, and the fact that we are far from out of the woods, it’s all too easy to fall into the type of despair that makes simple tasks like just getting up in the morning difficult.

Thankfully, I don’t have to dig too deep to find gratitude.

Just a couple of weeks ago, my wife Sarah and I had a conversation about the timing of the pandemic. Both of us came away from that conversation brimming with gratitude. I am now over ten years out since my traumatic brain injury. These days, I do quite well for a TBI survivor. I work full-time, have meaningful relationships in my life with family and friends, and have accepted my life as it is today, and not as I would have it.

Had I been in early recovery when the pandemic struck, it would have been disastrous. Early on, my executive function skills were lacking. I may not have understood the importance of masking up. Let’s add to this the debilitating memory challenges that defined my first few years. I can say with absolute certainly that I would need to be reminded that we are living in a pandemic most every day. My response would belie my challenges, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” Only to need to be reminded again the next day… and the next.

Think I am kidding? Think again.

Gratitude runs deep when I think about where we are in the linear timeline of human history. Tech tools like email and Zoom help me to stay connected with those I love. A pandemic a few decades ago would have meant close to complete isolation from others. As tough as that would be on anyone, brain injury survivors would suffer in ways unimaginable.

These days, life has a new rhythm to it, one that is okay most of the time. Every morning during the week, Sarah and I head into our respective offices for a full day of work. I ruefully admit that we spend a bit more time meal planning than we used to.

Occasionally we’ll take a break for a food delivery or to take a midday ride to clear our heads. Early on in the pandemic, we picked up a new activity – nighttime cemetery walking. We have two favorite cemeteries, one here in Salem, and the other in Derry. Unlike our town’s rail trails which have become packed with walkers, our cemeteries are consistently empty. We’ve seen deer, listened to owls overhead, and had countless hours of just being together outdoors.

Maintaining my mental and emotional health are as important as being mindful of my physical health. I don’t want you to come away with the feeling that I think any of this is a cakewalk. We are walking through a dark chapter of human history, one that will continue for the foreseeable future. There are days that I really struggle with all that is going on. How can you not?

But as some of my closer friends come to me and share their fears, frustrations, and concerns, one comment seems to help bring just a bit of peace, something that I’ll share with you now.

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As long as I keep this top-of-mind, even the tougher days are more bearable. Be careful out there and be safe. Your life really does depend on it.