On Gratitude

The day I met Gratitude

Gratitude was a concept I understood in the context of my faith. I would feel grateful every time I was praying, especially when I felt that some kind of Divine intervention had helped me overcome one more trouble. If I could summarise my feeling of Gratitude in one phrase I would say ‘ thank goodness, I was spared!’.

I had been navigating my life with a compass that could only show towards the direction of fear. All other feelings were diminished and buried very deeply. My default position was that of defence. Everything had become a big disappointment, with my perception of myself being the biggest.

I had indeed been ungrateful to Life, for a very long time!

My story of how I met Gratitude, is a short one, because it happened in an instant. In a moment flooded with light and colour,? my heart cracked open? and I felt Gratitude entering my life like a Goddess. And that feeling has stayed with me ever since.

Sometimes words cannot describe a feeling adequately. So , I thought I would describe my journey in Gratitude with pictures. A journey that started two years ago and has transformed the way I feel and experience life.

The first picture is of me in my music studio on a typical work day in May 2021. One month before I met my coach and embarked into this journey of self-realisation and awareness.

I am smiling in the photo but my world had collapsed. I had managed to keep everything together on the outside, but inside I was experiencing the darkest period of my life. In many ways I had lost my purpose, my hope and I was slowly killing what was left of me,? without even realising.

The second one was me in September 2021. The first two pictures were taken four months apart.? I am in Notting Hill, London. I had booked a photoshoot for the day, as part of a challenge imposed on me by my coach. I absolutely dreaded looking at my pictures. There was always something scary about them. It was like my soul was missing.

I cannot believe the difference between the two pictures. I had been letting the weight of the world drop off my shoulders and I have been just unveiling myself. So there was a significant weight loss too, which was not intentional.

On the third picture is me in May 2022. I was on my way to Brighton. I had already graduated as a life coach and had my first paying client, so I had decided to treat myself by spending some time at the ocean. I wanted to contemplate, find silence and just get some time to stay with a heart full of gratitude for a year that, despite its challenges, had been miraculous.

Last picture is me now - two years later. Something about my energy has changed completely. I am tired but happy after a full day’s work.

This is a shortcut to a story that shows an internal transformation that was also manifesting outwardly. I am physically and vibrationally different in all of these photos, which was something that happened as a result of being happier, more self aware, more grateful!

Looking at this collage of moments, I don’t even remember who I was when the first picture was taken. I used to get emotional when I was looking at photographs of myself from that time. I was ashamed of all the extra weight and for my sadness too. I could not forgive myself for letting things get out of control. Recently though, I have realised how grateful I am to that Maria!

I’m grateful for her and her determination to keep everything she loved very close to her heart.? For believing in a better life, even when she was completely lost. All the other ‘Marias’ and the many more that will reveal themselves in the future could have never existed without the courage of that woman.

The day I met Gratitude was the day of my photoshoot. An experience that was both unnerving and exhilarating for many reasons.? When the photographer left, I sat down at the door steps of a house, looked around me and for the first time in years I could actually see. I was overwhelmed with emotion when I thought how far I have come as a person up to that point! All of a sudden, my life flashed in front of my eyes like one of these ‘feel good’ movies. I had realised at that moment, that I? actually had a lot of positive stories to tell my son when he was a bit older! That it has not all being a waste. That was such a relief!

Not sure if it was the glorious light that made all the colours pop and almost vibrate in a steady pulse that made my heart open, but at that moment I met Gratitude for the first time! If I could described it in words, I felt the same awe that I felt when I visited the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. This marvel for the miracles of Life, that I have known all my life, but never really noticed! Gratitude has stayed with me. It's my grounding force and my light in the dark. The needle in my compass that always directs me back to my heart.

A few days later I received the photographs from the photoshoot

I did not like myself in them, but…

I will always remember the day I met Gratitude as one of the happiest of my Life!